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Original poster

I'm an AP and I am wondering whether any of this is normal(long)

181 replies

QueenieRae · 27/01/2014 19:19

Hi all, would welcome some advice from people with experience of an AP. To set the scene, I'm an English AP in Western Europe and have been for two months now. There are three kids, 5, 10 and 13. After checking the guidelines for my host country online I am wondering whether I need to leave ASAP or if I'm just being a bit precious.

The good:
The youngest kid is lovely.
The mother is a SAHM.
I am allowed to attend a language course once a week.
I have a lovely large room with a balcony and shared use of the kids' bathroom.
I think my language skills are improving.

The slightly iffy:
I am paid 150 Euros a month. The internet seems to suggest I should be on at least 50Euro a week.
I have to pay for all my transport and language course.
I am expected to clean the house fully 4 times a week. This includes hoovering, polishing, cleaning the bathrooms, cleaning the kitchen floor, hob and oven, and dusting.
I do a lot of cooking, unless the family go out for dinner.
I babysit most evenings.

The uncomfortable:
I am not allowed to eat with the family, but eat whatever the kids leave from the meal. I'm also not allowed to help myself to anything.
The middle child is almost 9 stone(!). There don't tend to be leftovers.
I haven't actually had a paid day off yet. That said, the host family count my morning language course as time off.
I am not allowed to shut my bedroom door, ever. I change in the bathroom.
The older children are possibly psychopathic. Due to an 'accident' where one jumped on me while the other tripped me I now have a broken wrist. I was taken to hospital yesterday and now the parents have gone away for the week leaving me in charge of the kids.

I have little way of knowing whether I'm a good AP or not. Maybe I'm just crap or everything has been unlucky. That said, I have a broken wrist and I've lost almost a stone and a half.

To be honest, I'll probably leave before I was supposed to, but rational talking would be welcome.

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Lamu · 27/01/2014 19:56

I'd be planning to leave asap, on the basis that you're not being treated as part of the family. The way you're being treated is completely unacceptable bordering on illegal. How can they not allow you food?!

Original poster
QueenieRae · 27/01/2014 19:54

Yeah you're right about the psychopath comment, Suburban, I apologise. That said, last week I discovered them pinning the cat down on the table so that the older child could force chilli powder into its mouth.

The parents left last night a few hours after we came back from the hospital. I have their mobile numbers but they are turned off. Actually part of me is grateful they aren't here as I get to eat a bit better. The kids have told on me if I cook my own food when babysitting.

The parents and the oldest child shut their doors and I am not allowed into the parents' room unless I am cleaning.

OP posts:
scratchandsniff · 27/01/2014 19:49

I'd be packing my bags if I was you. You have to feel safe and comfortable. You're their underpaid skivvy. Why the hell would you not let an AP shut the door?! Odd.

AGoodPirate · 27/01/2014 19:48

Er, is this a joke? Not feeding you other than scraps isn't normal at all!

nannynick · 27/01/2014 19:45

eat whatever the kids leave from the meal - that does not sound good. Are you not able to cook yourself your own portion?

Never closing bedroom door - not great, you need somewhere private to sleep, not be in fear of someone coming in to your room. However that may be a British attitude, does all the family sleep with doors open?

SuburbanSpaceperson · 27/01/2014 19:42

No, none of that is normal. Shock You should treated as a member of the family for mealtimes, and you should be able to have privacy in your room (that's really weird about not shutting the door). As an aside, I know it's probably heightened emotion talking, but you can't call children psychopathic, you're not a psychiatrist and they haven't been assessed and diagnosed. Throwing around medical terms without understanding what the mean is pointless and annoying for those who have experience of the conditions. The older children are clearly difficult though, and you are being expected to take on more responsibility than a qualified nanny would accept.

Did the parents leave after you had broken your wrist? Did they leave emergency contact details? I would contact them and tell them that you can't manage the household with a broken wrist and for the safety and wellbeing of the children they need to come back or arrange for someone to take over their care. Once that happens, leave. Say it's for the good of the children as you won't be able to care for them or the house until your wrist has healed.

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