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I'm an AP and I am wondering whether any of this is normal(long)

181 replies

QueenieRae · 27/01/2014 19:19

Hi all, would welcome some advice from people with experience of an AP. To set the scene, I'm an English AP in Western Europe and have been for two months now. There are three kids, 5, 10 and 13. After checking the guidelines for my host country online I am wondering whether I need to leave ASAP or if I'm just being a bit precious.

The good:
The youngest kid is lovely.
The mother is a SAHM.
I am allowed to attend a language course once a week.
I have a lovely large room with a balcony and shared use of the kids' bathroom.
I think my language skills are improving.

The slightly iffy:
I am paid 150 Euros a month. The internet seems to suggest I should be on at least 50Euro a week.
I have to pay for all my transport and language course.
I am expected to clean the house fully 4 times a week. This includes hoovering, polishing, cleaning the bathrooms, cleaning the kitchen floor, hob and oven, and dusting.
I do a lot of cooking, unless the family go out for dinner.
I babysit most evenings.

The uncomfortable:
I am not allowed to eat with the family, but eat whatever the kids leave from the meal. I'm also not allowed to help myself to anything.
The middle child is almost 9 stone(!). There don't tend to be leftovers.
I haven't actually had a paid day off yet. That said, the host family count my morning language course as time off.
I am not allowed to shut my bedroom door, ever. I change in the bathroom.
The older children are possibly psychopathic. Due to an 'accident' where one jumped on me while the other tripped me I now have a broken wrist. I was taken to hospital yesterday and now the parents have gone away for the week leaving me in charge of the kids.

I have little way of knowing whether I'm a good AP or not. Maybe I'm just crap or everything has been unlucky. That said, I have a broken wrist and I've lost almost a stone and a half.

To be honest, I'll probably leave before I was supposed to, but rational talking would be welcome.

OP posts:
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love2mum · 03/04/2014 03:28

Wow just read this and so glad you got back to the UK safely! Sounds like slavery to me.

I wouldn't worry about the father suing - I'm not a lawyer but it sounds like you have more reason to sue!

I would however, not let him continue the verbal abuse by changing your number / email address etc.

I hope by now you are settled and your wrist is better.

QueenieRae · 03/02/2014 07:59

Mostly one handed :D Thank the Lord for hoovers. No, the csst does a really good job of support, as long as I don't try and pick up things that are too heavy.

OP posts:
Katiejon · 03/02/2014 06:31

U weren't an ap, u were being used as a nanny/cleaner and being treated disgustingly!
Hope the wrist is better soon.
How do u cook or do housework?

QueenieRae · 02/02/2014 10:15

Splasheeny - I've got all paperwork sorted for Germany and a series of appointments arranged for my wrist. I have received a nice long email from my ex host family who have explained to me that nothing they have done is illegal and I've caused them a lot of trouble. I've also heard from german authorities who have said they will contact me if they need to take anytging further. No word about the cat.

Living wise, the ExP is letting me stay rent free for a while until I find my feet and/or a job. Back to doing housework and cooking in return for bed and board :) I am trying to decide whether I want to stay in the UK or maybe try doing British Council teaching abroad. Think I will stay away from au pairing for a little while.

OP posts:
Freckletoes · 31/01/2014 20:53

God what a shitty time you've had! Glad you have been able to get back and start sorting things out.

Freckletoes · 31/01/2014 20:52

God what a shitty time you've had! Glad you have been able to get back and start sorting things out.

splasheeny · 31/01/2014 20:32

Op how are you now?

I hope the family haven't caused any further trouble for you. Have you heard from them?

eurycantha · 31/01/2014 19:27

Sorry I posted after seeing your original post.glad you're home.

eurycantha · 31/01/2014 19:25

Come home!!

woooooooobooo · 31/01/2014 11:56

Just seen this thread and glad to hear you got home safely. It sounds like you've had a hell of an experience.

Best of luck with whatever you decide to do next

Solo · 31/01/2014 11:56

She's home already! RTFT!!

QueenieRae · 31/01/2014 11:29

Thanks guys. Everything seems to have caught up with me and I've been absolutely exhausted. Last couple of days had been running around during our paperwork, chasing things up, trying to get doctor's appointments etc. I hadn't been unwell for so long I'd totally forgotten how difficult it is to get to see a gp these days.

For the people wondering why my parents haven't been involved, I'm afraid they have both passed away, albeit 17 years apart from each other. Not a big deal anymore but it means I didn't have them to fall back on.

OP posts:
mousmous · 31/01/2014 11:10

the op is home already.

purplewomble · 31/01/2014 10:53

Could you not contact your parents and ask them for money for a flight home if worse came to worse? I think you need to have a frank conversation with the family- i've never had an au pair and even I know from the brief things i've read on the internet that this isn't normal.

NannyAnna · 31/01/2014 10:18

Your nickname on mumsnet should be Cinderella! Leave straight away, this sounds like hell!!!!!!

BaronessBomburst · 30/01/2014 11:29

Slightly off topic, but could you explain your username or tell me how to pronounce it Moreisnnogedag? Or at least tell me what language it's in? I'm intrigued!

splasheeny · 30/01/2014 00:18

Glad to hear you are back safe.

BoffinMum · 29/01/2014 10:57

If the dad threatens to use, threaten to report his kids to the police for breaking your wrist. Wink
What a tool he is.

PicardyThird · 29/01/2014 10:52

On abmelden - ring your Einwohnermeldeamt or Bürgerbüro and explain the circumstances under which you left and ask what they recommend you do. It may involve printing off and sending in a form, but I doubt they will insist you return in person.

I would advise you to ring kindergarten, ask if your statement has been passed on and have them give you the name of the JA worker it has been passed to, so you can contact them to chase things up.

The dad will not sue you. You haven't claimed anything that wasn't true. He did abandon his kids with you.

BoffinMum · 29/01/2014 10:43

I think start the whole process off by seeing a GP as a temporary visitor and get a referral to Outpatient Fracture Clinic, same day if they can fit you in.

QueenieRae · 29/01/2014 08:25

I have a cd with the ct scan on. I would very much like them not to try x-raying again as that hurt. I imagine the gp would probably be able to refer me? I'm not registered but you can get temporary registration.

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Moreisnnogedag · 29/01/2014 00:13

Glad to hear you're back.

Btw you need to pop into your local A&E whenever suits you so that they can take an XR and book you into a fracture clinic.

mousmous · 28/01/2014 22:52

it can have tax implications (but usually only if you return after a longer absence). and I think it can make renewing a passport more complicated as you would have to go through a consulate instead of using a passport office in the uk. but this might be outdated.

QueenieRae · 28/01/2014 22:45

I was registered with the einwohnermeldeamt so I guess I'll have to sort that. Not sure about anything to do with the health insurance as i didn't sort out. What happens if you don't abmelden?

OP posts:
mousmous · 28/01/2014 22:43

glad to hear.
good luck.
tbh, I don't think that you have anything to fear.
wrt leaving germany, you need to de-register fom the local council (abmeldebescheinigung) if you were registered in the first place, and let the health insurance know. I'm not sure how much of this is applicable to you.

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