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Original poster

Probably overreacting as a bit stressed, hot and bothered, but ...

31 replies

incognitotoday · 24/07/2006 16:44

got home today after work and dd almost promptly went into a major screaming/crying fit because I told her off again for throwing the frisbee inside after already having nearly driven me insane with incessant 'how many more minutes' till the cakes we were baking are ready... that's me having been home for about 15 minutes (cakes = premix fairy cakes)

So I sent dd to her room because she'd had enough warnings re frisbee indoors and hurting people (she got my ancle)

Innocently asked my nanny whether she gets fits like that with her? Nanny said that now is just 'leaving me to it with the kids as soon as I come home because she doesn't want to contradict me'. And 'no with me she knows what she can and can't do' with a bit of an attutide. WTF?

I know we're having 'issues' atm re timekeeping/attendance but not once have I criticised in how she deals with the kids. So where the hell did that come from?

Also dd has her fits but they don't actually get her anyway except for longer time in her room or mama not being able to find dd because all I can see is the grumpy screaming little monster...

Rant over

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mousiemousie · 24/07/2006 17:37

Hi incongnito!

Did you positively praise the way your nanny is with the kids - "having no qualms" isn't more than neutral in tone.

Good idea to let her know how it affects you when she is late. Did you ask if she thought there was an issue on time-keeping, and what made it hard for her at the moment?

Did you say how much you value her as a nanny but that at the end of the day the absences and lateness will force your hand into finding someone more reliable? And did you say you really want to keep her because she is so good with the kids?

Original poster
incognitotoday · 24/07/2006 17:07

mousiemousie when we did have our chat I actually pointed out to her several times that I have no qualms whatsoever the way she looks after the kids and the other things she does around the house and that my ONLY issue is her multiple absences. In the chat we had I was honest and very sympathetic but also requesting some understanding from her re the situation she put me in, i.e. I got pulled up by my boss for frequent short notice absences covering for my nanny's absences... ergo if I loose my job...

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Original poster
incognitotoday · 24/07/2006 17:05

thanks for the feedback... have been fuming lots this week re nanny

micegg, she might feel aggrieved because we actually had a formal chat on Wednesday gone about what's causing the multiple absences and what we can do as I have to be able to rely on childcare... alledgedly she saw why I was concerned about the situation. Surely not acting like it now.

Lio, wasn't planning on saying much to her about it anyhow, just had to vent instead of grabbing kids and stomping down to newsagent to buy a packet of fags. I quite smoking yonks ago but stress andthe like still gives me the urge...

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mousiemousie · 24/07/2006 17:04

sounds to me as though she feels that if you don't trust her in one area of her work then you probably don't in other areas either, which has affected her morale and her confidence. It also sounds as though she isn't confident enough to discuss your differences in parenting as she feels that the time keeping discussion didn't go well and perhaps she felt she wasn't listened to?

All in all you need to have an open, honest and sympathetic chat with her. If you are very happy with how she deals with the kids then have you said that?

Lio · 24/07/2006 16:58

Hmm, I would have hoped for an answer along the lines of (a) actually telling you how she does in fact deal with it or (b) reassurance that your dd plays you up worse than she does the nanny. Agree that doing nothing at least until tomorrow is best.

micegg · 24/07/2006 16:54

I dont have a nanny but if I did and she said this to me I would be peeved as well. I would advise a day to calm down (and get some advice from here) before deciding what to do. I dont think the first part of what she said is so bad (but could be seen as so IFYKWIM) but the second bit definately is close to the line. I dont often read this part of the board so dont know about your problems with timekeeping etc but it sounds like that could be the cause. Maybe she felt she was scoring a few points against you in retaliation for being pulled up on time keeping, etc? Could be a good time to have an open chat, maybe she feels aggrieved about something.Good luck.

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