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Original poster

The Hair that Broke the Camels Back... nanny off sick AGAIN...

39 replies

incognitotoday · 17/07/2006 09:42

I approved a weeks holiday for her short notice and she was due back today. Have to say I was not surprised when I received a text this morning saying she is ill and is going to see the doc.

This has been on-going with at least 1-3 days a month off sick. Had a real bad bout Christmas, January and March/April. So far I've been very understanding and leniant as I'm 99.9% certain she wasn't pulling a fast one but I've about had enough.

Was also supposed to go for an interview this afternoon as I was looking and changing jobs due to lack of work where I am, but with nanny being less than reliable how can I possibly start a new job???

Thankfully I have a great boss who is very flexible, probably also because he doesn't pay me if I don't work, but even he's starting to frown at my frequent absences...

I'm in such a mood today I'm 'that' close to just texting here 'don't bother coming back, I'll pay the 4 weeks notice pay into your account'. Won't do it of course because I know I'm wound up and impulsive...

Not sure what I want from this post, but had to vent Thanks or reading.

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doobydoo · 18/07/2006 12:55

Texting is so she dosen't have to answer any awkward questionsCan you find someone else?
1-3 days amonth is too much and affecting your earnings.There are people out there who won't take the mickey.
Good luck.

Uwila · 18/07/2006 12:36

Do you think she suffers from hypochondria? I'm not being funny. It seems her ailments are all very unrelated, and very real to her. But, somehow, unbelievable to me.

Original poster
incognitotoday · 18/07/2006 12:25

muminaquandry, good point there!

I've gone to work with all sorts of ailements but then again I don't look after somebody elses's kids... and can just hide behind my keyboard

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muminaquandary · 18/07/2006 12:19

er, you might want to point out that if she is in too much pain to talk to you how effective is she being with the children?? that would definitely be my main issue over this whole thing .... altho I know that you have said she is brill, but, she is sounding less and less brill with each post .......

Original poster
incognitotoday · 18/07/2006 11:16

oh and totted up the sick days she's had, at least those I made a note off, because a couple she substituted for annual leave... Since December 2005 a grand total of ... wait for it... 16 days

The really sad thing is that I half expected nanny not to show yesterday after her week annual leave... trust issues on my side?

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Original poster
incognitotoday · 18/07/2006 11:12

working today as nanny showed, but I'm going for an interview this arvo so probably not back before she goes home.

Hey and the mood I'm in I don't really care whether he'll have her in tears .

But dh can actually be quite professional, firm but fair type thing, so hoping it won't come to that. Also wrote a long note for nanny/him to read and talk about, also mentioning that we like the way she does her duties, when she's there... so not all negative

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Uwila · 18/07/2006 10:58

So, are you at home again today?

Uwila · 18/07/2006 10:57

uh oh...

"Getting dh to have a chat with nanny this arvo when he gets back from work because I'm about to loose it... "

Every time I chicken out and get DH to talk to them it results in the nanny/chilminder crying.

Original poster
incognitotoday · 18/07/2006 10:20

oh and yes... I took the chicken way out and sent the email

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Original poster
incognitotoday · 18/07/2006 10:20

I knew you would say that Uwila .

MrsS Uwila is really a pussy cat ... well one with attitude but still very nice.

Getting dh to have a chat with nanny this arvo when he gets back from work because I'm about to loose it...

... just before I left for work I said, we'll have our chat later she said she'll listen but she won't talk much because she's in pain (bad tooth, hence off yesterday for first dentist appointment and leaving early tomorrow for root canal treatment). Fair enough I thought, so said, basically it's what I've said in my email. to which she would be better tomorrow because she only briefly looked at it because the pc is too noisy and she was in pain and had a headache.

. argh! Is it only me or what? if I were the employee who got a text telling me there's an email in prep for a talk that needs to be had I'd be going straight to the PC and read the bloody thing properly. Naturally one wouldn't WANT to do it but would? even with a headache? Also shouldn't I be the one dictating the how's and when's of the discussion? [can ya tell I'm a bit wound up?]

I sympathise that she's in pain, I've had abcesses (sp?) in the past and they are awful, but she just seemed so dismissive of the situation. May it be that she's playing 'ostrich'?

My tether defo nearing it's end...

venting session over

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Uwila · 17/07/2006 19:46

Don't mess with me MrsS.

Hey, are you back in the UK yet?

MrsSchadenfreude · 17/07/2006 18:31

Uwila, you are far too scary to ever be a basket case!

Uwila · 17/07/2006 17:37

You know what I'm going to say. You need to say "goodbye". Of course, you want to be as polite and compassionate as you can. But, your nanny is simply not able to do the job. I'd be a basket case if my nanny did what yours does. Actually, I wouldn't be where you are because I would have had to end it long ago. You are far more patient than I am.

Also, as I happen to know you have had several informal chats with her on the issue, I do think it is time to sit down with a formal communication setting. I would probably have a serious talk and at the same time hand it to her in writing. I also wouldn't pay a penny for her sick days. No way I could afford it.

Reasonable sick time is up to say 3 or 4 days per year. A few days a month is more than most working parents could tolerate.

Could you keep her part time? Say 2 days a week and the kid(s) to go to nursery the other days? Maybe reducing her work load would help her health. Although, as I recall, she doesn't work terribly long hours as it is.

muminaquandary · 17/07/2006 16:55

well good luck & tell us how it goes

you definitely deserve better than this!!

Original poster
incognitotoday · 17/07/2006 15:47

might have to do that PC though hoping to address the 'issues' tomorrow. Usually I'm home 30 mins before nanny leaves so will try and find something to keep kids entertained... i.e. paddling pool ... and sit down with her.

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SlightlyFamiliarPeachyClair · 17/07/2006 14:11

My sister is an ex nanny and empliys my Mum in a childminder capacity. they often do the hi and bye thing, so into the contract Sister has built a clause specifying a time for a monthly review / get together- I think it's something like 6.30 in the evening. the idea is that the carer is expected to attend, but if neither has issues it can be skipped. I think it comes as a result of her experiences as a Nanny herself, could you do something like that perhaps?

Original poster
incognitotoday · 17/07/2006 13:24

muminaquandry... she doesn't live all that close so 'popping round' isn't really an option. Don't think she has any other nanny friends tbh. She's friendly with another mum, but doubt she would stand in iykwim. I see your point re great nannies being rare, but I'm sooooo frustrated it's not funny anymore. With all the hassle I'm actually considering to become a SAHM, which is so not me!

As for the explanations... I've had them and besides 2 pre-consisting 'ailments' it's usualy cold weather, dodgy food or virus etc. So even if they do satisfy the need for having a day or 2 off there doesn't seem to be anything to change anything. e.g. she usually wears tops that barely meet her trousers hence exposing lower back as is the fashion. No issues with that, as she could turn up in an old sack but imho one of her conditions (rheumatism) should really prompt her to keep warm? I did mention that to her in a motherly kind of way and that just got dismissed ...

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Riddo · 17/07/2006 13:17

Yes I would have preferred a message but I still think face to face is the best. It's difficult because letters can seem harsh but I can see your point that it would prepare her for the conversation and give her some time to think about how she feels

muminaquandary · 17/07/2006 13:12

OK: if she's a brill nanny you need to treat her with the utmost respect as brill nannies are rare as hen's teeth. THe fact is, you may want her continued involvement in the children's lives until they are a lot older than they are now (we have found that to be the case ...)

In which case, don't send her a note, please find the time to talk to her, making all the points you do (as she needs to know the reality of the situation from your pov). Can she come back when the kids have gone to bed? Can you pop round to her house when DH is home? You really need to get to the bottom of why she is off so much. If you are happy with her explanation, put a bit of the responsibility on her to find a replacement whenshe is not well. Our nanny always did a ring round of her nanny friends on the rare occasions she couldn't come due to illness / death in the family. THis will also soon make her realise the inconvenience she is causing you.

Firm but fair HTH

Original poster
incognitotoday · 17/07/2006 13:02

muminaquandry... didn't use an agency. And her referee's were nice but understanding them was hard work as African and Eastern European. Except for her mal-attendance she's a brilliant nanny. Kids love her and she looks after them really well and even gets veggies into them.

Riddo ... passing comments throught he 3 year old? Would't you rather have preferred a message to that? Just wondering.

I just thought I'd drop her the email in preparation as I already mentioned that we need to have a chat and that way she won't have to be with the kids all day wondering how I will 'ostracise' her when I get back from work, not having the time in the morning...

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muminaquandary · 17/07/2006 12:58

why don't you ring the agency / previous employer to get another insight? also, if you did use an agency can you use them as 3rdparty to get to the bottom of things?

otherwise, if you are crap at face to face then just READ off your note!! sounds a bit wierd, but it will sound better spoken and all the things like pausing to check her reaction etc will help you to understand better wht the likely outcome will be.

Riddo · 17/07/2006 12:57

I used to be a nanny (and was ill a lot). Eventually the mum sat me down and we had a chat but she had been passing comments via the 3 year old for weeks before that. If I was the nanny I would prefer as honest face to face conversation which may be hard for both of you but will make your problems and hers clear.

I had three months off (unpaid) to recuperate and then whet back and things were much better. Sometimes as greensleeves said someone else needs to make the first move.

Original poster
incognitotoday · 17/07/2006 12:55

SFPC yes honestely I put it up expecting a fire & brimstone response so that's not too bad

The 'problem' I have is that I@m crap at things like that face to face and also in the mornings it's hi & bye so thought putting it in writing will give her time to prepare. I admit something in writing comes over more stern but actually I don't mind that because I've been constantly asking her nicely 'are you o.k.' 'what's going on' 'anything I/we can do' etc.

She's looked after her other half's son sort of like a step-mum when he's over visiting and also after a boy with learning difficulties so thought looking after 2 'normal' (No offence to anybody!) kids should be o.k.

I wasn't aware of previous health issues/bad attendance in previous jobs, well except for when she a few months back made the comment about swapping shifts. As for self-inflicted... possible but don't think so, at least not all of it

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muminaquandary · 17/07/2006 12:49

I agree with peachy - written things can look a lot sterner, and she might panic in the face of it, in which case you won't have achieved anything

having said that, I don't think she is being much real help to you at the moment & I really hope you got a resolution soon

Earlybird · 17/07/2006 12:49

Has she been a nanny before this job? Does she have a history of health problems with previous employers? Do you think some of her problems are self inflicted - ie - if someone phones (or texts) sick on a Monday morning, I would wonder if it was due to a hangover, or not enough sleep after too much partying....