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Original poster

Separated parents- who is the contract with?

33 replies

oldsoaksally · 25/10/2013 18:10

Please could someone tell me, when in the case of two parents who have split, who is the one that the childminder 'refers to', so to speak.
There is a very long story, but the short of it is, that I employed my lovely cm 3,5yrs ago to look after my dd before and after school. I signed the contract, and I pay her. My ex did go to see cm after I hired her to meet her etc but it was me who sorted it all out. The problem I now have is that ex's wife has fallen out with my cm over a pick up/drop off issue and screamed that the cm was employed by all of us and is answerable to all of us. She has also now reported my cm to ofsted. My CM is devestated and I fear she will let me go because she cannot handle the conflict of our situation. I do not involve her in anything btw- she just doesn't want to be treated this way.

I feel so trapped by my situation. Ex's wife also gave my very first cm a hard time. Her dislike of me knows no boundaries and I don't know what to do. Does my cm have any rights here? Is she answerable to my ex even through I pay her?

TIA

OP posts:
MsPickle · 25/10/2013 19:44

I like the point about the contract being with you. As it is, I think your cm could say that she doesn't want sm doing drop off eta but she's happy with her dad doing it. Speak to your ex in a very calm, rational way. The arrangement works, you want him to be involved but your cm doesn't want to deal with people that scream at her/make malicious complaints. Also, as it's the sm that's put the complaint in she surely needs to keep her distance through any investigation. I don't know how it works, but can you contact ofsted to tell them how happy you are with your cm and that you're her primary carer? You don't need to say that the wife is just being a spiteful cow, that'll be implied by you being positive about the cm I reckon!

Nomdeclavier · 25/10/2013 19:41

He could arrange his own care but you'd still have to pay your CM for the space.

Your CM can refuse to hand over your DD to your ex's wife unless you've specifically authorised it.

In this case it dies sound like the contract is with you, but the shared residency etc complicates things.

I hope your CM cones through the inspection okay. OFSTED can be utter bastards but depending on what the complaint is they can be reasonable too.

Original poster
oldsoaksally · 25/10/2013 19:37

I am gutted that this could cause the end of my dd's relationship with her cm. The woman is a saint and I actually love her like another mother.

The worst part of all this is that it's my dd's sm who is doing it:-/

I could cry.

OP posts:
Original poster
oldsoaksally · 25/10/2013 19:28

Thanks. I don't intend to try and stop her dad being near the cm. He is her dad and theres no issue there- other than the fact that he lets his wife treat everyone around him like crap.
What I need to find out is whether I have any legal right to keep sm away and whether the cm herself can insist on this. I would also need to know if ex arrange his own care for the morning he needs a cm. This would be awful for my dd:-/

OP posts:
Twinklestarstwinklestars · 25/10/2013 19:27

You don't employ her, she's self employed and you use her service.

If the contract is with you she deals with you dad cannot give notice etc as it's not his contract to end, if he chooses not to take your dd that day then you/he should let the cm know but if you don't need that day anymore you should give notice not him.

If you say only you and dad can collect that's what goes, dad can't change that either as permission would have to come from you. You couldn't stop him collecting if he has parental responsibility.

The complaint now will trigger an inspection for the mx which I'm sure she won't want many of if its due to a malicious report, I've had 2 malicious complaints and it really puts you me off the job as people could accuse me of allsorts.

HSMMaCM · 25/10/2013 19:26

Your ex and you both have parental responsibility, so you both have a say. Not sure whether SM comes under parental responsibility as well.

I used to look after a child whose mother asked me not to let his father anywhere near him. There were no court orders or anything, so I couldn't stop him, but I would still have kept the child with me and called his mum quick smart.

Original poster
oldsoaksally · 25/10/2013 19:20

Her dad is very involved in her life, there is a court order for shared residency, (although I am primary carer in the sense that she is with me more). He is a good dad in most ways but ruled by his wife and I'm sorry to say but she is a very very mercenary woman. He does everything she says and so tensions between us are high. There are a million other things she does that are crazy but this is the latest. We are considering legal action against sm, or at least to send a letter to sm to say she cannot go near cm. Cm wants her kept away now but I am worried that my ex will say I cannot dictate who collects dd. I'm also worried about the possibility of them withdrawing dd from my cm for the day that dd is with them. They only have one mid week and every other weekend, so don't use a lot of childcare if you like, but do need my cm on their every-other-Friday pickup and the Monday morning respectively.

OP posts:
longjane · 25/10/2013 19:04

Cm works for you . Don't let SM or birth dad near.

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