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Original poster

Almost feeling suffocated by nanny in home

59 replies

Sheissmallandveryspidery · 22/10/2013 06:30

I have a brilliant day nanny. She is great with the kids- a little bit strong in doing things her way at times but overall she is fab.

The issue is me. I cannot bear having her(or anyone - it's not personal) in my home. I feel panicky that there isn't anywhere left that is my space. I really need space and solitude and early have people over (but go out lots instead) as I dislike having people in my house.

I just feel suffocated that I don't have anywhere private anymore Hmm. House is too small to shut off certain rooms.

Even worse is when she has people around that i don't know. I feel dreadful about this, I feel judged but people I don't even know. I just hate it.

I know I need to lighten up and unclench and all that but this is my home and I feel uncomfortable. I think the only cure is to find different Childcare but that would compromise kids (though significantly help my creaking finances).

Anyone else felt like this?

OP posts:
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tumbletumble · 22/10/2013 07:07

You say she is a day nanny not a live-in nanny, so presumably she's not often actually there at the same time as you for long? If there is a lot of overlap, couldn't you cut her hours a bit? If there isn't much, then the reasons you give in your OP about personal space and solitude don't seem to quite add up. Is it more about being in your own home with your own family but knowing other people have been there earlier? Do you maybe have OCD tendencies?

aaaahyouidiot · 22/10/2013 06:59

I would feel exactly the same. I can manage house guests for defined periods but this would drive me crackers, and yes I can sympathise completely with the strangers in your home. Completely. I would hate this.

All I will say is that you need to think about what you want for your DC. My parents, mum especially, were not welcoming to guests and we hardly ever had any. I think that's what my problem is. Do you feel that actually it's a good thing to demonstrate this to your children?

I feel sad for you though. It's a horrible feeling to have no sanctuary.

Blondeshavemorefun · 22/10/2013 06:56

cross posts

and its not that the nanny is socialising with mates, but more that hopefully she is spending time with similar aged children, so that they benefit from having friends to play/share toys with

plus the average parent would see children (and adults) if they were looking after their children

Blondeshavemorefun · 22/10/2013 06:54

do you work? sounds like you are around a lot/hence personal space being compromised

to be blunt, either you have to deal with this feeling and carry on with nanny, or find diff childcare ie cm/nursery where you wont get other adults in your house

it must be weird/hard having people you dont know in your home (some employers feel the same) but if you are home then least you can get to meet them, where as other mb's dont get that chance

Original poster
Sheissmallandveryspidery · 22/10/2013 06:52

I do not work at home. Nanny works best due our set up. It's not my first choice both financially and for this reason.

It's a control thing as much as anything I think. Friends of my kids would be fine under my supervision.

I have emetophobia and that doesn't help. Other adults I don't know with kids I don't know mooching about in my home is too much for me. I know I'm nuts.

If I could say no to her nanny friends coming over then I would. But I suspect that would be considered unreasonable. Side point I don't get why nannys get to socialise with mates at work when the rest if us don't but that's a side point.

OP posts:
Spidermama · 22/10/2013 06:37

I would feel exactly the same as you. I can't relax and own my space when there are other, non family members in it and I'd be especially tense about secondary visitors like hers. I wish I wasn't like this but I am.

I have lots of gatherings in my house and parties and I love it when the kids bring home friends and always feed them and make them welcome, but to have a non family adult is very stressful. I even find it stressful to have my mother in law staying and it seems I can't keep control of my space so my personality shrinks back for the duration.

PrimalLass · 22/10/2013 06:37

Do you work from home? If so, would a rented office help?

CreatureRetorts · 22/10/2013 06:37

Are you working from home?

If not, I'm not sure what the issue is as you're not there? If you are then can you go into an office?

The nanny isn't the issue, the feeling claustrophobic when anyone comes around is. What happens when your children are older and want friends over?

solveproblem · 22/10/2013 06:36

This doesn't sound very nice. We've considered getting an au pair as I feel it would benefit my children (they're bilingual so it would be good if they were looked after b someone speaking their second language) but won't as I'm really scared I'd be feeling exactly what you're feeling.

Have you considered a childminder? Some even come to yours to collect the children. Is there a reason you want a nanny?