Almost feeling suffocated by nanny in home

They said he could have the spare key, one day when he came in to get my key to grab his gym kit, when he left I had to plead with her not to "dig it out"! Then just kept telling him that she hadn't found it yet!

I'd never give out a key without checking first.

Always welcome :) and regards to K as tech it was your employers place I wouldn't have given him a key either

I don't like giving keys out to my house as don't know who would suddenly pop in ie had dp son staying with us for a while and meant I couldn't wander from bedroom naked to shower or wee with door open incase he suddenly came In - from door you can see upstairs and bathroom right at top

Didn't mind him staying but glad to have my key back when he left

Blondes - I don't need a key to your house! Yours is an open house, anyone and everyone welcome! I also have an open invitation!

I love visitors, as long as I am there too. K got quite annoyed because I wouldn't give him a key!

Your boss sounds nice :)

Soft plays etc are nice but do get expensive if do all the time - esp as harder to go to park and walks an feed ducks etc as of weather

I said earlier to limit play dates and to know what day people aRe coming over so least op can organise her stuff if she wants

Callaird remind me not to give you a key to mine lol

I'm a nanny and in my new job (4 months in) we haven't had anyone over due to building work so we've been meeting at play cafes (like a mix of soft play/toddler group with nice coffee) and that works really well. It's only £2-£3 at most of them so not to costly. We will have people over to ours when everything's finished, we have a lot of playdates at other people's to return but the kids really enjoy the play cafes so we'll do a mix of both.

Perhaps you could limit play dates to once a week or to one or two people your comfortable with and then tell them your happy for them to have playdates out like we do the rest of the time?

My boss felt so bad that we can't have people over that she doubled the kity so we could treat the other nanny to a coffee or offer to pay the entry fee for the other kid. I think I have a pretty good boss.

Minder jinx - I know exactly what you mean. I have been a nanny all my adult life so working in other peoples homes and I don't think twice about it. But I do not like people in my home if I am not there! Even boyfriends! It's always been my home and they are welcome when I am there but I never give them a key (unless I need work done, at a push!) and if they have a day off and don't leave when I leave in the morning I feel antsy until I know they have left!

I do have people over at work but I do put it in the diary as soon as I know so my employer knows who is coming and when but occasionally they pop round at the last minute, I make sure it goes in the diary so MB knows when she gets home.

I meet a lot of bored and lonely nannies at playgroups and the like (and am happy to have a chat and encourage our respective children to play together). I can fully appreciate that it is an isolating job.

But I can also relate to the OP who is not comfortable with having strangers in her home, even if she is not there herself. I love having a houseful of children, or invited adult guests, but we had a cleaning company who kept sending different people (contrary to our original agreement) and it did bother me, to the point that I decided I would dispense with their services (though it did help the decision that they were also not very effective). I don't think I am particularly shy, retiring or paranoid, I just think I have a right to decide who comes to my house.

So I would say that it is perfectly reasonable for you to decide who you would like to visit, and up to your nanny to find daytime activities which provide the variety and company she wants. In fact, there are plenty of people who don't have that opportunity, so I don't think she would be hard done by.

So the overlap is just short and was with us too - daily nanny. It is more the thought that all day she and her friends have been seeing your things because yo have that specific psychological issue about those issues, which most people do not have. Could you not just lock your bedroom and keep most personal things in that room. There is this loss of privacy. When we have had a cleaner it is a similar issue - she will know everything, empties the bins, sees your knickers etc and for most of us you tolerate that privacy intrusion as it's better than spending hours cleaning every week but in your case you probably are just going to have to tolerate it and perhaps think of ways to make it matter less to you.

Callaird's post hit the nail on the head for me too as a nanny. Sheis I suggest if you feel that uncomfortable with other people in your home that you check out various Childcare.

Your nanny sounds like she does a good job and would probably be mortified that you resent her having people over so much. Nannying can be far more difficult than people think, hosting and attending play dates should not only be allowed but the parents, but encouraged- both for the development and socialisation of their children, as well as for the sanity of their nanny!

I don't think you should ask your nanny to not have people over personally, I think she'd feel like she'd done something wrong when she hasn't, and I'd put money on her looking for other work. It must be awful to feel this way about your home and possessions, it's clearly making your feel uncomfortable op but maybe looking at other options of Childcare and/or a way of overcoming your emotions like CBT that someone else suggested May be a better way forward.

OP I think you need to use a childminder not a nanny. The nanny has probably picked up on how you feel and knows you are not happy. How long will she stay? I work as a nanny and as others have said only go in parents bedroom to get stuff, e.g. hair dryer for drying children's hair. To put dirty clothes in wash basket. Certainly don't nose around. How would you feel if your boss wasn't comfortable with you being in your office? you would sense it and it would be horrible.

depending how many days you have a nanny - say 3 days if part time suggest nanny has other nanny/ies over for one day a week, and you know what day and can make sure undies etc arent on show

if 5 days, then maybe have 2 days, again know which days

problem is , and op admits this, is that she doesnt like people in her personal/private space - thats a hard thing to not have if employ a nanny

maybe suggest M&T groups near you, or sure start centres, swim lesson/music/tumbletots etc so nanny has an activity each day

I have assistants because I'm disabled. They are lovely. Having no choice but to have them in my space drives me demented. Can't even fart in peace :(

OP, if there is one nanny who comes over a lot, could you ask to meet her? Would that help?

To all those saying the old chestnut, you trust your nanny with your kids, so trust her to x,y,z.. That's not the issue. The issue is op likes her home to be a private space. I wouldn't like strangers in my house. And if a nanny cannot cope with meeting other nannies at playgroups, libraries, parks, softplay etc,then i think they are in the wrong job. If being with little ones for long periods bores you, get an office job, or work in a nursery... Then you might appreciate how much freedom you have over your working day...

You could get a tumble dryer? That would get rid of one problem (assuming you don't mind tumbling your undies)
Apart from that, yes I wouldn't want unknown adults mixing with my kids in my home (ie a private space where they can do whatever they like). Round my way (central London), people tend to socialise more out and about ie in the playground or one o-clock club. I would definitely think it's fine for the employer to tell the nanny about how to spend her day re activities. (I am a nanny employer not a nanny, and i've always done this)

op, you are not suited to a nanny. A childminder or nursery is a much better of option for you.

I agree with you, I would hate the thought of someone else in my home all day - having all sorts of nanny friends and their charges over would do me in tbh.....

HairyPorter when I was a SAHM with small DC I had friends over (or went to their houses) all the time - I'd have gone mad otherwise!

If the op wants a cm then she needs to find one - it's just not plausible to ask/get the nanny to be one :)

And no benefit at all to nannies to be ofsted - more hassle tbh - esp if vouchers are late/delayed

Thanks for that.
I guess the only other advantage is some potential emplyees might prefer to emply someone that they see as more "regulated"
Other than that, if I was a nanny I'd stay as far from OFSTED as possible!

I think the laundry and guests issues are solve able - personal laundry you dry in your room and your room is off limits. Guests in your house are only to be children of similar age to your child and their carers. I don't think that's unreasonable, if your nanny wants to meet other nannies with charges of other ages she can do it in the park or at a playgroup surely.

But if you would still be uncomfortable ... there is one other possible option... you could advertise for a nanny share with the stipulation that you want the share to be based at the other family's house? (you could say you are willing to contribute to food and heating bills etc). Depends how many DC you have of course and their ages

moogy there is no benefit to the nanny beyond being able to accept childcare vouchers. They are inspected but it's not like a CM inspection, it's just paperwork to prove they have a First Aid certificate, childcare qualification, valid insurance, contract etc. An inspector might ask about child protection or risk assessments but nannies don't have to have written policies so as long as they can explain what they would do/how to manage risk it's fine. Even if the inspection takes place in the workplace, which it doesn't have to - OFSTED don't have right of entry to the employer's house - the inspector can't say anything about the environment because that's out of the nanny's control. All they can do in that situation if a nanny isn't managing risk appropriately is action the nanny to do that.

Blondes Just a suggestion. Op might prefer it, and nanny might want to be SE and be able to take on more children.
as an aside, what are the advantages for a nanny to be registered with OFSTED. I know they don't have to be but that some are.
Does it mean the parents can use childcare vouchers etc?
Does the nanny get inspected? I'm guessing they're not as if OFSTED decided the setting wasn't up to scratch it's not the nanny's fault!
just wondering.

I have also nannied for a family who weren't comfortable with visitors unless cousins/neighbours they know. Quite a reasonable policy, but might be hard to explain as a new rule for your nanny without her taking offence.