WWYD re nanny

Message withdrawn

If you are surprised because we havnt agreed with you thats what you get when you go on a public forum and ask for replys .We are entitled to our own opinions as are you and on this occasion I do not agree with you .

i agree peas in a pod...

and the orignal question is what to do....

What are the options.... a formal warning? ... / dismaissal? .... if so im sure the nanny could take her to a tribunal and win....

or maybe the only real answer is look after your kids and pander to them and molly-coddle them yourself!

imagine the headline.... "EMPLOYEE SACKED for allowing a 2 year old to cry (for a few minutes at bedtime!)"

"Nanny sacked cause toddler cried"

Just re-read your message and you put that after 10 mins DD was asleep. Could she have fallen asleep after maybe two or three mins and then your nanny checked on her after 10 mins and seen she was asleep?

I dont think HelloDolly liked the replys she got .

I wouldnt work for a family where the children wernt allowed to cry

just changing jobs at the moment (start new job 5th September )

Had 9 families fighting over me! Im surpised HD found a nanny! If its sleep time and there is nothing obviously wrong and the children want to cry then i let them... for a little while (NOT hysterical) then they go to sleep and sleep well

if you KEEP going up / in when they cry, it makes there sleep time later and later.... they dont get enough sleep and they are over tired the next day.... due to lack of sleep.... due to the "CARERS" (parent / nanny whoever) "letting" a toddler MANIPULATE them (the adults!)

www.nannyjob.co.uk/

Why dont you go on this site and ask them their opinion www.nannyjob.co.uk/

You will either have to stay home forever/take the kids with you OR put them to bed before you go out. Or just lower your (unreasonably high IMO) expectations.

I think you're being over-precious, HD.

It is much easier being a parent than a nanny as you are only accountable to yourself.

I think if you are very anxious about something quite minor then you will find a lot to clash over.

Maybe just put it to one side and don't have a babysitter in future if you are prone to agonise.

yes a nanny is being paid but they are being paid to look afdter your child which is what your nanny seems to have done

You seem unhappy that the majority of us are saying your nanny did the right thing. Looking after other peoples children is hard (i was a nanny for 13 yeears). I find that being a mum is much easier as i don't have to answer to anyone else.

Parents can be so difficult at times!

Anyway depends by what is meant by "crying". We are getting ds3 to settle alone at the moment (he's 17 months) and he kind of moans/cries for about 10 mins then is asleep. If he was absolutely screaming then we know he wouldn't settle and we get him up.

How do you normally get her to sleep?

ah well - maybe next time you could instruct nanny to phone immediately if they are crying, to put them on her lap til you get home and then you could come straight home?

I think it's good she went to sleep after 10 mins (crying or not) if she was up in the night chucking up. She would have needed the sleep- leaving her to cry a short time may have been the fastest way to get her to sleep, especially aged 2.

The crying may have been nothing to do with the illness anyway. I was chucking up a week ago at 3am (food poisoning). Didn't feel ill until 2am.

psychic, obviously.

Your nanny wasn't being cruel, she went up four times to settle your dd, and then left her for ten minutes! Don't think that's unreasonable at all. What on earth is 'she should know better' about - what, she should be pyschic and know when a child is going to be ill the next day?

All parents I have worked for would have been completely inderstanding if this happened to their child while I was babysitting, most would have probably only gone up twice!! I would have felt really guilty for not knowing child was poorly, but at this age it is diificult to tell.
Im sorry but I think most people would have done the same, so you may struggle to get anyone to babysit in the evenings who have the same 'instincts' as you. It really is hard to tell sometimes with young children, and you wern't there, so its hard to know what the situation was like really.

How many mothers have told their kids off (older ones) or left younger ones for a short time (10 minutes) to cry and the next day they have been poorly . I know loads of mums who have done this .

Message containing Age

HelloDolly, I think the DD you refer to is 2 years old (see above link).

At that age they are capable of manipulating a situation to suit themselves - thus leaving to cry on the 4th return to bed, I consider is acceptable if on the prior occasions nothing was found to have been wrong. If your nanny had stayed with your middle DD until she fell asleep, what message does this give the 2 year old? I feel it gives the message that if they protest enough, someone will come and sleep with them.

Your nanny would know your daughter well, so would know if something was really wrong, or not. Sounds to me to be a bit of coincidence that the next night the same DD was then ill. How was she during the day? Seems a little odd to me that if she had an illness on the night your nanny babysat, that she was fine all of the following day.

Of course it's just my opinion, I wasn't there, I don't know your children... but you did ask for opinions, so in my opinion, YES I do feel it was fine that your nanny left your 2 year old DD to cry after returning DD to bed for the 4th time.

i think you mis-understand controlled crying...

when a baby (typically one who has never settled themself) crys because they dont want to be in bed...

you go in and calm them from 'crying their eyes out' to just sobbing amd leave..... each time you take longer to go in.... and ONLY go in when they are crying their eyes out... NOT just sobbing...

generally you would give it at LEAST 5 minutes anyway....

so that fact that this child was asleep 10 mins later meant she wasnt exactlty crying for long... (and was probably only sobbing after 5 mins, so you wouldnt go in any way even if you were doing controlled crying (which she wasnt))

nanny did NOT do controlled crying.... which would involve repeatedly calming a very upset child to a sobbing one..... but left a child who seemed to be playing up to sort themsleves out.... rather than "playing games" when its night / bed time

She did NOT practise controlled crying at all!

Agree with others.... if you cant stand the thought of them crying a bit then look after them yourself! (personally i wouldnt look after children who werent 'allowed' to cry... they have to learn, and you do have to be cruel to be kind... if they learn that crying gets their own way it leads to spoilt children who just cry to get what they want... because for them crying "works")

the fact that she was later ill is neitehr here nor there.... nanny is NOT psychic and cant be expected to be either!

I can see both sides of it.

I'm choosing not to