AIBU - Au Pair

I agree with PatriciaHolm, I dont think your dh will be able to efficiently parent your 2 1/2 year old on his own. He may be very immobile and in excruciating pain. Possibly on pain relief that makes him too wooly in his cognitive skills to care for a child. He will have enough with himself.
I am not sure I would leave him alone to do all this.

Aside from his fractures, he may be generally battered and bruised.

I also think family should tell you to stay home with your husband rather than putting pressure on you to still attend.

Why can't you get a cab after the train? You were saying that money was not the issue with the au pair or with getting an emergency nanny, so a cab for 40 miles isn't such a big deal. I think you should go and take all the kids, yes, your husband was in an accident, but saying you can't go because he has a broken arm does sound a little over the top. He would probably benefit from a weekend without the kids round to recuperate.

I used to be an au pair, a live in mother's help. live in and live out nanny. I am now a mum. I feel qualified to answer .

I would find it impossible to say no to helping in this situation whether mum was going away to a wedding or she needed a hand for some smaller reason. Her husband could have been killed and has been injured.

OP, do not go to this wedding if you are only going because family members will tell you off. You are not 2! Your children will be disappointed but I would explain life sometimes isn't fair and to make up for the disappointment of missing the wedding I would probably treat the kids to a book each as they love reading and fish and chips for tea as that is a rare treat.

The bride will be disappointed but she will get over it. I had 6 people coming to my wedding and one didn't show, no one told me until after the vows. I was not impressed as I had been looking for her in Church but once I knew I hardly gave it another thought other than being annoyed no one told me and annoyed with her she didn't come.

I hope your husband makes a full recovery very quickly.

OP did ask "AIBU?"

I really get dicked off when I see YABU outside of AIBU. I also get dicked off when I see an OP whose DH has just been in an accident, who has a big family commitment (as being in a wedding party IS a big family commitment) getting a pasting because she dared to offer to pay overtime for someone to work extra to help out.

OP, I'd be upset too. I suppose if you have had a close relationship with your Au Pair you'd have expected her to want to help out and it must have been a surprise when she didn't/

You're not treating her like a slave (slaves don't get paid) you were just asking for her to help out and be paid for it.

My thoughts are that if you can't get a friend to help out, hard as it is, you take all three children with you. When you get to the wedding, there will be people who can help you look after them.

Is there anyone else travelling from near where you live to the wedding as well who could help out.

If your husband broke ribs and an arm just last night, he's going to be largely incapable of doing anything much this weekend, surely? Broken ribs on their own are agony, let alone a broken arm as well. I wouldn't even be contemplating going anywhere, tbh! Is he even out of hospital yet? He's going to struggle to eat, go to the bathroom, read, sit, stand, the lot, not to mention the shock of the accident.

Your family are definitely BU in expecting you to go; do they actually understand what's happened to him? or have you minimised and said something like " oh he's had a bit of a spill"?

I xposted and see that it is your family that is being unreasonable in expecting you to still attend. You'd think they'd be telling you to stay at home under the circumstances!

OP what do you want to do? Without pressures or duty?

Do that.

Id be a bit miffed about au pairs refusal to help too.

Can you get a flight there?

I don't think the AP is BU, but I would find it hard not to help out in that situation. It's hard being pulled in all directions especially when you've had the stress of your husband being involved in an accident. I hope you find a solution and wish your husband a speedy recovery.

I think yabu to expect her to say yes, but you must be horribly knackered and stressed. I think they key thing is the wedding isn't an emergency. Your family should be more understanding about your DH's accident and not give you stick for not going. (Maybe that's actually kind of what the AP is thinking and is making her unwilling to help out?)

Maybe take a leaf out of your AP's book in how to say now to them firmly without feeling bad?

Personally, I wouldn't even have considered going to the wedding if that had happened to my DH, but then if I was the AP I'd probably have agreed to help, even if I didn't really want to. We're all different though, and she's entitled to say no. YANBU to have asked her, but YABU to think worse of her as an employee for saying no, although if she's treated as a member of the family, as you say, then of course it's a bit different and more complicated.

If you don't really want to go to the wedding anyway, I'd say the best and easiest solution is all just to stay at home, chill out, and enjoy some time together to celebrate your DH being ok! Esp given you're so tired.

Could your oldest children being upset about missing the wedding be partly/largely to do with being strained from upset/worry about their dad? Could you do something else 'special' that would make up for it?

Good luck.

Agree mango

Yep that's sounds best. Tbh your family should be understanding

Leave the 5/6yos.and take the toddler

YABU.

"Ralphsmummy Fri 04-Oct-13 10:58:30

I'm one of the wedding party. The older children are 5 and 6. Wrestling three of them on the train with bags, buggy, not enogh seats etc is vile."

Makes sense thanks. Is there anyone else going to the wedding who could effectively be in charge of (one of) your children for you? Many people would be glad to help - I would in this situation. anyone travlleing from nearby who can help with lifts or help on the train?
Any chance the au pair could be enticed to come with you, and share a room with your youngest, for double salary - i'd actually just at a night in a hotel even if I did have to have it with a 2yo! :o

Bee you x-posted. She's in the wedding party.

OP do you have emergency childcare type things near you? Or could a friend come and help out? I really feel for you and your poor DH, awful thing to happen and awful timing (as tends to happen with these things).

Can't believe the pasting the OP is getting. Where is her decency? Of course she should help out. OP, at least you can see cut of her now. I'd be giving her her marching orders in due course. That's very poor and mean spirited behaviour.

Your poor husband He's been in a serious crash, has broken bones and his wife still wants to go away for the weekend and leave him with a 2.5 year old!

I think it would be hard for DH to look after toddler for the weekend, ( although SAHMs with broken arms are still expected to look after their children). Maybe you can bribe AP or buy in some extra help - needn't be for the whole weekend though.
I can't quite understand how you can't fit 3 children in a car. I can fit 3 teenagers in my little Clio.
I think you'd find taking all DC with you is probably the easiest option, as it is a family wedding, so presumably there will be other family members present to give you a hand. If you take a pram, then the youngest can sleep in that if you are there in the evening. If it's a more distant relation , and a long way, you might decide it's not worth the hassle