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Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Original poster

Au pairs, gossip and ... blummin nightmares!

34 replies

Mummyoftheyear · 21/09/2013 08:51

Have had a really difficult week. Last Sunday, my au pair who I
A) treated beautifully
B) depend on for my job
"Happened to meet another family in the park who told her about another family in our small village who needed an au pair to start the next day."

Still in shock, I was told that the mother of the 'new family' had informed her that if she didn't accept the job immediately, she'd not find another family as nobody needs au pairs after September.

I was also told all number of lies - some too horrible about my own child reminding her of a man who she'd been in a violent relationship with. Debts in her own country, etc.

I'd believed the money worries story and offered to buy her a weekly train ticket, in addition to her wages, to London so that she didn't make her new au pair friends feel bad when they went on a weekly trip into London.

She'd politely declined, which I found slightly odd, and said she was meeting a friend's au pair to stay in shenley that day.

That was last Sunday. It now transpires that my friend's au pair had been trying to find her another position on Facebook.

I telephoned the 'new family' and the number came up as recognised! I explained to the mother that, despite the lies she may have told, (for why else would anyone take someone else's aupair), we had been nice to our au pair and that I depended upon her for my livelihood!
"That's not my problem. Thing is, I need an au pair; she came for the interview; I offered her the job and she accepted."

Asking whether she could've found her own au pair or whether she felt bad - she just repeated her statement about needing an au pair and mine accepting.
Are people really this selfish, callous and lacking in morals? Am I naive?

I've now been hearing the lies that she has been telling - along with the lies that other mothers have been spreading, thinking that they know me and my children well enough to pass such comments around. The mothers I'm talking about are actually those who, despite my attempts to smile and say hello for an entire year of my son being at the religious school, snubbed me and turned their backs - only conversing to ask questions about who was invited to so and so's party and passing comments about the size of others' houses (having google mapped their postcodes)!
It's disgusting behaviour.
I am very disappointed to be living in a community where such slanderous gossip exists and is spread by people with, clearly, too much time on their hands - and too little going on in their lives and heads!
I also would live my au pair to have friends (and I HAVE introduced her to two lovely girls her age already which is great) but I'm so afraid that she'll come into contact with these liars and start to believe some if the rubbish they spout. A long time ago I had an au pair who wanted a job in the centre of London and who left us but alleviated her guilt by slagging us off to her friends as she wanted me to let her go immediately and I said that if she didn't give a week's notice (nothing really and not nearly enough to find someone to cover for my job) is not be able to give a reference. Fair enough.
Feel so helpless to be in such a shitty place.
My son is both charming and a right pain in the arse at times - it's like pushing a lead ball up hill to get him to do what I say (ESP at bath time when I'm teaching - but I run up to help if I Hear him not doing what he's asked) repeating a thousand times. But the job itself is not at all hard. My daughter us easy peasy. I'm in verge of giving up a job I love because of the uncertainty and deceit going on.

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CaptainSweatPants · 21/09/2013 18:25

That's awful op

I'd go with nursery or a childminder for afterschool

Don't give up on work

kangarooshoes · 21/09/2013 18:21

I think the job is a side issue, sounds reasonable. The other mum is not in the wrong.

However, no employee does themselves any favours slagging off their previous employer, especially if untrue, so this isn't on. Wasn't there a mutual notice period in your au pair agreement?

NomDeClavier · 21/09/2013 17:18

She will probably find karma comes to bite her on the backside, but I do agree with what outraged said. There must be something 'better' about this job, which might be very superficial or might be entirely in her head. Unfortunately there isn't a great deal you can do...

Original poster
Mummyoftheyear · 21/09/2013 14:33

Correct
They offered her a job to start the next day and told her that she'd not find another job after September so ought to take it.
Yes, I do know that I don't own her.
Yes, I do understand the way that employment works and how job changes and interview processes work.
I just ( call me naive) am very shocked that someone I treated really nicely sought to leave and did so so callously and quickly, making slanderous and cruel comments about my son - which, incidentally, are entirely unfounded and untrue.
He is 5. He sometimes doesn't do as he's told. End of. As most others of his age.
Thank you for suggesting alternative Childcare arrangements. I'm onto it ;) it's time, me thinks.

OP posts:
SavoyCabbage · 21/09/2013 12:43

I'm confused.

Is it that you have an au pair and another family have offered her a job with an immediate start?

WayHarshTai · 21/09/2013 12:34

Um, you don't own her and she is free to quit at any time. You do know that, right?

lovelynannytobe · 21/09/2013 12:31

I have had au pairs but tbh I regret it. I find it's easier to use professional childcare and not have somebody living in my house. Would never consider it again. Look at your options ... maybe a nanny or childminder may be feasible.

OutragedFromLeeds · 21/09/2013 12:28

I'm not entirely sure what your post is about tbh, but;

  1. Au pairs who are happy and content in their job do not look for other jobs. They stay where they are. There is obviously something driving them to leave.
  1. 'I need an au pair; she came for the interview; I offered her the job and she accepted."

If this is true then the mother is right. If you advertise a job, someone applies and you offer them the job, it is not your problem what job they're leaving. That's how most job changes happen. Very few people leave a job and become unemployed while they look for another one. You stay in your current job and look for a new one. She should have given reasonable notice though, but this is the fault of the au pair not the other mother.

Cindy34 · 21/09/2013 09:03

The grass always seems greener elsewhere - though often is not once there. The aupair may learn that as a mum who poaches another's aupair may not be as nice as the aupair thinks.