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Kicking myself re new au pair - advice please!

58 replies

fistfullofnappies · 23/06/2006 19:25

Our au pair left today, and a new one is coming tomorrow. She is 17 years old (coming for the summer only). I've emailed with her, and talked to her on the phone, and she comes across as level-headed, conscientious and intelligent. She goes back to college in September.
Anyway, tonight, I phoned her to get the exact time that she will be arriving tomorrow, and got her mother, for the first time. Her mother was ever so nice, and then dropped into the conversation, that she had also booked a plane ticket, as the opportunity to have a weekend with her dd was too good to miss, and could I recommend a hotel near our house!!!
I was completely taken aback, and on the spur of the moment, said But of course, you must stay with us! Instincts of hospitality made it impossible for me to callously recommend the expensive hotel at the end of the road.
Suspect I am about to be had. Mother is now going to have the chance to inspect everything, and advise her dd to leave if all is not to her liking. If she is not a realistic person, there is a good chance that I will be without an au pair on Monday morning.

She may just want to see if I have a live in boyfriend who will assault her dd, or she may be an over-protective nutter who cannot let her dd get on with her life.

I am well pissed off and kicking myself for not thinking of a better reply. Does anyone have any ideas about handling this?
At the mo, my first idea is that they will both be on the plane home if I have any nonsense.

I once had an au pair with a nutty mother before, it all ended in tears. Coincidentally, they were from the same country, and I have a horrid feeling of deja vue.

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staceym11 · 06/07/2006 22:04

glad things went ok btw. good luck!

fistfullofnappies · 06/07/2006 17:57

oh god, riab, her dd is joining our household as a family member...see rest of thread

thank you dooby - Ill be going through the same thing in september!

Agree, 17 is not too young to be responsible

OP posts:
riab · 06/07/2006 12:52

it doesnt count as an invitation if you phone someone up and say that you are coming to their town, and can they recommend a hotel near their house!

sorry haven't read whole thread and you may well have sorted this now, but this doesn't sound like you were manovered into it! I think its perfectly normal to ask a local resident for recomendations for hotels, afterall in a strange country how can you be sure the hotle you pick online will be okay?
If you felt you HAD to ask her to stay, thats your giult issue not hers.

doobydoo · 06/07/2006 12:07

Hi Fistfull
Glad it went ok and that you and the kids are sorted for the summer.Must be a huge relief

staceym11 · 05/07/2006 10:57

sorry just gotta say to someone who said 17 yrs old is too young, i had my dd at 17, not too young imo. esp. if they are baby minded iyswim

MrsRecycle · 05/07/2006 09:54

Agree FistFul - another one of my questions is "What do you intend to do in your spare time?" My dutch AP didn't get a job - she was here for the experience, to learn english and not for the money (if she'd wanted that she would have stayed back home where she could have got a job teaching).

SSSandy · 04/07/2006 13:00

ffon, glad it wasn't too bad and the au pair is settling in.

fistfullofnappies · 04/07/2006 12:57

ks - yes they do, especially if they already have loads of friends in your town.
I try to find people who genuinely want to learn the language, then they are getting a lot out of the experience, and wont be looking for alternative jobs in a shop or restaurant.

The best APs for staying are people who came on a visa, and ended up with a shitty family, they are so happy to be treated like a human being and not worked dawn til dusk that they stay until their visa runs out!

OP posts:
ks · 04/07/2006 09:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MrsRecycle · 04/07/2006 09:22

Glad it wasn't too bad. When I had AP's Mum and sister to stay it was a godsend - like having 3 APs. In fact, they keeping on asking when they can have dds to stay with them in Holland!

However, as part of my recruitment process, I always build up a relationship with the parents as well as the AP (and I tend to recruit someone whose Mum is very similar to me). I don't disregard due to age (had a lovely 18 year old) but I do disregard if the parents aren't happy with them AP'ing (that is always one of my first questions to them). I know I would be petrified if my dds wanted to AP when they were older but my mind would be put at rest a little bit with getting to know the Host Family first.

arfishymeau · 03/07/2006 23:54

Glad it all worked out for you FFON.

fistfullofnappies · 03/07/2006 22:22

hi. thank you for further thoughts.
well, it all went off OK. Au pair's mother turned out to be a very nice woman. AP herself is v good with the children, but unfortunately lacks the essential qualification for my APs, that she cant stop them from demolishing the flat while Im out. Still, they like her a lot, so she's in for the summer.

In the end, it didnt really make any difference whether I offered to put her mum up or not. I could hardly have refused her entry to the flat, so effectively, I was interviewed in my own home, on my suitability as an employer, which does piss me off a bit. AP's mum knew she was pushing it, that's why it was sprung on me at the last moment, imo. If she thought her dd was too young, she could have not let her take the job.
my conclusion is, I probably wont recruit anyone under 18 again, because they probably wont have left home yet. Even a 19 year old has a v different outlook on life.

(moondog, if you thought that I had a choice in such a situation, how on earth do you get on in Turkei??? )

OP posts:
arfishymeau · 29/06/2006 14:28

Any news?

fairyjay · 27/06/2006 13:41

When I left to au pair in Germany at 18 - many moons ago - my dad contrived a business meeting there, so that he flew over with me. We were met by the 'family' at the airport, and all went back to their home. Dad was happy and able to report to Mum that all was well, and spent a couple of days in Germany on business.

I think I would do the same if dd was ever in that position.

doobydoo · 27/06/2006 13:39

Hi Fistful hope it all went well.Do let us know.lol

HappyMumof2 · 27/06/2006 13:35

Message withdrawn

SSSandy · 27/06/2006 13:31

I was wondering if brocures were some kind of a nasty bug.

arfishymeau · 27/06/2006 03:25

brochures.

arfishymeau · 27/06/2006 03:24

I can see why you felt obliged to offer the mum a room, I would have too in the same situation, it's like a knee-jerk reaction.

I think this could go either way really, although I wouldn't panic about your house being so bad that they will both leave on Monday unless there's something you're not telling us?

If having her mum arounds helps your au pair settle in then that will be a good thing.

Do you have a welcome binder ready with everything written down in her own language? If you are welcoming then I'm sure everything will be fine. Perhaps the mum will stay one night and then move to a hotel once she's decided you're not a hairy trucker? Especially if you leave a couple of brocures in her room .

moondog · 26/06/2006 17:06

How have you been 'manoeuvred into it'??
You're a grown woman who made a choice!!!

golds · 26/06/2006 17:02

I don't blame the mum for wanting to come along and check it all out - I'm surprised that anyone can employ someone on a friday and be happy to leave their kids with them on the monday

LoveMyGirls · 26/06/2006 16:40

would like to say that some 17 year olds can be responsible i had my dd1 when i was 17 ok so i wasnt a very responsible 16 year old but i took the consequences of my actions and its not like the girl is going to be in sole charge anyway.

DevilsAdvocado · 26/06/2006 14:17

how did it go???

SSSandy · 26/06/2006 10:04

fistful- any news?

SofiaAmes · 25/06/2006 02:07

I wouldn't let my 17 year old go off to be a nanny for someone she met on the internet. But then again I wouldn't hire a 17 year old that I had met on the internet to look after my children. But all of that adds up to what I was saying, different people have different ways of doing things and different ways of saying things. It doesn't make them wrong or evil, just different.

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