Not sure what to think about this....

Shamelessly marks place. I want to know what the nanny had to say for herself when OP got home...

Find someone first if you've got no interim backup.

I know how incredibly hard it is to have awkwardness with someone who is going to beat the school fares and whose child is going to be in your child's class. I also understand completely your dependence on her and reluctance to change nannies ( better the devil you know...). I understand why these would make you want to disbelieve the obvious and put your head in the sand.
However, I don't think that the shop incident was poor judgement. I honestly believe from the second almost-incident that she has no real care for your children's safety. She DID leave them alone second time as she was clearly outdated a double locked door - whether she drove home or not. I'd not be looking for explanations. This would complicate things socially and make thy feel torn as you're bound to want to believe her and distrust the obvious. I'd not contact the police, etc. that would be awkward and unnecessary as I'm sure she will reflect and know why you changed childcare even if you end things nicey-nicey with a different explanation/ whatever you're comfy with (school gates).
I'd not feel confident about her regard for my children's safety and find someone else who is good- ASAP.
If you want to brave up n be honest, I'd say: "I know that you didn't mean to put X in a vulnerable situation that was potentially v dangerous (could have had an accident, become upset, been taken, panicked and come looking for you, etc. my DH told me hat you'd double locked the house and were getting in your cat with your DD - and I'm sure that there was a (an innocent) explanation, but I can't help feeling anxious about them being left alone/ with someone who thinks that's okay. It's not only against the law, in both cases, but it's deeply worrying."
End of.

Previously she left dh in a toy shop looking at toys while she went to a shop next door to buy a personal item. He was 4 at the time. She was really upset that she'd done the wrong thing, it hadn't occured to her that it might not be right to leave him as she was only next door. I told her it could never happen again. No matter how much ds persuaded her he was capable of looking after himself. He's not old enough to make those calls.

If it didn't occure to her that it might not be right to leave a 4 year old alone in a shop then I am sorry but this is not the right job for her. A good Nanny would NEVER do that and tbh if I was the parent I could never trust her again

It's the bag and coat that seems to be a nail in the coffin really.

True about the door - better locked in then run over

Maybe phone was in her car - so surely if it was she would have found it and showed dh

If phone wasn't in car then I assume she took all 3 to go an get it

I would really like to think that no nanny would leave children alone in a house and get in their car and drive home

Thing is do you trust her now - or are you having doubts - once trust has gone then relationship won't ever work again

There is so much to consider here. Putting every detail together sounds very suspicious but as you explain more and more it does make it more difficult to understand her intentions. Like you said previously her dd could have just been fairly clingy. If your dc's were watching tv she may have just left them there and double locked the door incase your ds ran outside. Maybe she still had her coat on from when she arrived? Does your dh recall her taking off her coat before he left?

I am NOT saying she is innocent I am just thinking of reasons why she may have done certain things.

Your dh is doing the right things by asking her straight out what she was doing and to use his gut. Tricky situation. Good luck!

" A lot of things, when you write them down, sound terrible, but actually are done day in - day out, by thousands of us. "

Very good point. Also a good point about why wouldn't she take them.

It's a shame DH didn't ask her if she found her phone in her car. That might have helped to put your mind at rest.

Blondes I don't think double locking the door is suspicious when she knows the OP's young DS can open the door if that's not done (and has a habit of doing so if someone has gone out) and as the car was parked on the road, she might not have been able to keep an eye on the front door. It seems sensible to me.

She might not have been favouring her own child, as much as 'taking the one whinging' with her. Her DD might not have wanted to watch TV with the others or might have just been in a clingy mood. Another day it could have been one of the OP's children while her DD & the others were watching TV.

I just think we need to be careful - MN can convince you black is white sometimes. A lot of things, when you write them down, sound terrible, but actually are done day in - day out, by thousands of us.

Also, as HF said, it might have been sheepish - it might also have been tired/frustrated/surprised/whatever.

It isn't really any trouble to put 3 kids that age in the car - why wouldn't she if she needed to go home?

Perhaps the most important thing is that you don't trust her any more.

Before the shop incident, you would probably have believed her.

But now you're not sure, and your DH who actually saw her and was there is really cross and definitely doesn't believe her.

Probably time to get a new nanny you feel confident about.

i have left children in the house, door locked while i went to my car to get phone charger/fleece etc

if my boss came home i would simply say that, and not look/feel guilty as thats not wrong (as long as car isnt a mile down the road lol)

it just seems dodgy as had her own dc with her - as a nwoc you are meant to treat all children the same, not favour your own child

I'd leave my DC in the house if I was popping to the car or to a neighbour's house (not to go in but to post something through their letter box or to talk to them standing at the front door eg)

its possible that nanny still had her coat on/bag on shoulder from coming in, you said dh had got halfway down road and come back, so are we talking literally he had walked out of house/been away 2/3mins

ie as nanny comes does dh go asap so she didnt have time to take jacket off/put bag down

'blonde grasps straws'

the double locking door is weird- does nanny live far away - and why not put all 3 in car and drive home

was the car right outside or round the corner

foreign or not you dont leave children alone in shops and pop next door to another

headfairy sorry, yes looking sheepish according to your DH....

Any sensible adult knows that you don't leave children locked in a house by themselves. I'm sorry but a mobile phone isn't that important. She could have looked in her car later when she took the children out.

It isn't looking good for her

In fairness even if innovent she may have looked sheepish as she just realised how it looked but couldnt say anything without looking like she was protesting too much

chipping Op said she looked sheepish!! That in itself appears dodgy!!

Headfairy - it is worth asking DS if she said anything to him, but be careful what judgement you make in response to it. If I was just going to the car to get my phone I would have said 'I'm just popping outside for 5 minutes, stay there and I'll be right back'. I don't know what I'd say if I was going to leave them at home while I went back to mine to get my phone - because it isn't something I can even imagine thinking about, let alone doing!!

I wonder what her reaction to seeing DH was? If it was me I'd have been totally unfazed by him being there and just said something like 'Oh you'll have to unlock the door, I locked it so DS couldn't wander out after us, see you in a minute'... without being at all shifty looking... how was she??

The shop incident I can imagine is a cultural thing depending on where she is from - I can definitely imagine in Germany for example leaving a sensible 4 year old in a toy shop while you nip into the pharmacy for a minute.

This one is a bit tougher. Is her DD usually very clingy? I think your DC would be able to tell you if they were expecting her to nip to the car for a minute, or to be gone for longer.

SPB - yes. I have got home (like she just arrived at work), still had my coat on, seen the older ones still watching the tv, then remembered something that was still in the car. I'd take the smallest one with me or one that wanted to come, double lock the door just in case the 3yo who can open the door if it's not locked decided to come out to find us and end up with my handbag on my shoulder because it's habit and I was more focussed on the little one nattering on at me... I agree it looks bad, I disagree it means that she was definitely going to go home - I'd rely on my gut instinct for that.

Could she have been looking in her bag for the phone, couldn't find it, got her keys out of it, and ran out to the car, her daughter followed and she thought she'd better double lock to stop your DS following, or something?

Personally I think the whole thing doesn't sound good, but I can just about possibly imagine the above.