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Original poster

Nanny attending to own affairs while on duty

61 replies

AliasNemo · 19/06/2013 14:47

Have namechanged as I am a regular user.

Have unexpectedly come home early to find a deserted house. As it is Ds's naptime, I was expecting to find him in his cot and his nanny downstairs. Instead it looks like they have been out since I left this morning, which is quite unusual.

Tried to call our nanny and she was unavailable. Got a text after half an hour saying she was a few miles from home and would be back in two hours or so. She gave a location where there are no friends of ours and no local attractions for children (not even a park), but where I think she is thinking of renting a flat. Essentially I think she might have gone to look at houses with DS.

What do you think? Is this acceptable? I am a bit unhappy in that I would have expected to be asked (in which case I would probably have said yes), rather than come home and be put in front of a fait accompli. Am also not very pleased that I have no idea who they are with. And to be fair I spent the half hour where I had no news worrying about what might have happened.

Also, how would you approach it? I feel I have to say something.

OP posts:
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Original poster
AliasNemo · 21/06/2013 20:14

BoffinMum put it very well: it is not about entertaining all the time or avoiding normal quick errands (Post Office, baker, butcher etc I positively encourage), this is about potentially taking a very young toddler to the other side of town for a long and tiring outing which has nothing to do with him.

Though, as it happens, I noticed some details that suggested they could not have been out longer than 2 hours and was satisfied with the explanation received.

It does seem that other families are not so interested in what the children do. Our nanny and I always handover with a quick summary of the night (in my case) and the day (her). I would find it quite odd not to know what they had done during the day...

OP posts:
Nannyowl · 21/06/2013 10:31

I mean someone like her boyfriend, partner. You mentioned her being influenced by someone else. I suspect there is more to this and that's why OP was worried. The nanny not being home and not contactable for short time seems reasonable on her part.

Nannyowl · 21/06/2013 10:24

Hi banks are not open Saturdays, yes I know some are not mine. I might bank a cheque if I were working Mon to Friday , 7 - 7 . After all nannies are entitled to lunch break, so could argue this was that time.
But agree with OP I would not dream of doing anything other than very short (ten minute bank/milk if passing a shop) errands in work time. Also agree sound suspicious two hour walk, have I got that right? Maybe the reason OP you were worried was an instinct something is wrong. Instincts can be right. I think it is reasonable to want to know who your children are with ie Nanny's friends. Was the nanny meeting someone?

nannynicnic · 21/06/2013 09:32

I regular take my charges to the dentist/doctors.. even to get my eyebrows waxed as i regular mon - sat therefore it would never get done if i didn't take them with me. Their parents like that they do 'normal' day to day activities.

I think you should give your nanny a chance to explain. So long as my chargers are safe and happy my boss does not mind where we are/what we are doing. And very rarely asks me what we've done. Though the kids normally tell him.

valiumredhead · 21/06/2013 09:08

My former boss would have been concerned as to why I needed to move and was there a problem, and if she could help with anything.

BadSkiingMum · 21/06/2013 08:58

Nothing wrong with going to the library, as that is a child friendly and educational environment.

Brent Cross shopping centre, not so much!

I am not advocating full-on, constant entertainment for a child, but feel that someone who is being paid a good professional rate to care for them and provide for their learning and development should be doing just that in an appropriate environment, not traipsing them round the shops or looking at flats.

valiumredhead · 21/06/2013 08:02

Chipping-actually my last boss made it very clear the reason she wanted a nanny rather than nursery was because she wanted her ds to experience 'normal life' and not full on entertainment all the time.

minderjinx · 21/06/2013 06:28

I agree that teaching them to behave appropriately in normal everyday situations is an important part of every child's upbringing, and would not have the slightest concern about taking mine to change library books or queue for a book of stamps. I don't think they need to be bored though - there's nothing to stop us chatting, telling stories, pointing out interesting things around us, counting, learning colours and so on. I'd see it more as a case of teaching them to take an interest in their surroundings and entertain themselves so they are not bored.

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee · 21/06/2013 00:34

It does toddlers no harm whatsoever to be bored sometimes, to have to go along with things that need to be done. Making them the centre of attention, having full on 'fun' and entertainment does them no good At ALL.

BadSkiingMum · 20/06/2013 21:04

I still think there is a difference between a quick dash into the Post Office or shop en-route to the park or an activity and a morning-long traipse around the shops where it might be hot, boring and tedious for a toddler.

I shop online or save that kind of shopping for a time when my son does not have to come with me, so would also expect a nanny to do her Christmas shopping at the weekend.

It should be predominately about the child's needs and interests, not what is convenient for the nanny.

grabaspoon · 20/06/2013 11:35

"If my boss came home early, we weren't there, not contactable she would think we were at the park/on a walk/on a playdate because she trusts me. If she assumed the worst I wouldn't want to work for her"

Agreed - my boss would just welcome the peace and quiet and know that I'd be back by the end of my work day 5.30. She might text and say she's home but would generally just relax or go out herself.

Blondeshavemorefun · 20/06/2013 11:16

A nanny or cm is taking the place of the mum while they are at work - doing things what normal mums would do - ie shopping for food - getting petrol - going to bank etc

Going clothes shopping is different

Obviously as an employer you are quite in your rights to say no to errands but many nannies may not want to work for you

This morning I went to the post office with my charge to obv send parcels and letters - took prob 15 mins then went to the park

BadSkiingMum · 20/06/2013 07:41

Regarding the argument about working long hours therefore needing to run errands in work time:

I have heard that shops now open on Saturdays. ;)

The only errand I can think of that can't be done on a Saturday, and for which a nanny should be allowed time off, is a medical appointment. Other appointments (solicitor, house hunting, interviews) should be covered by time off in lieu or by annual leave.

Blondeshavemorefun · 19/06/2013 23:40

She went for a walk - fine - but in your 1st post you said after 30mins you got hold of her and she said she would be 2hrs

Bloody long walk!!!!

Sounds fishy to me but that's my opinion

It's totally different working in an office and being a nanny

As long as child is safe and needs met and looked after then why shouldn't they go out and do errands - we are still doing our jobs

Where if you weren't in the office you couldn't do yours easily

we don't get lunch hours and often work a 10-12 hr day and my bank for example isn't open at weekends so have to take dc there if need stuff done

Original poster
AliasNemo · 19/06/2013 23:29

I think saying "insulting" is unnecessarily strong. Nobody insulted your work ethic, we just have different expectations of what is acceptable, that's all.

As for worrying, I do worry all the time. It is in my nature. I worry if DH says he is on his way home and is delayed. I worry if I do not hear from family members after a trip. Etc.

On getting home and finding no signs of nanny and DS I worried gor the safety of them both. It is just me. I was not worried about nanny having endangered DS (though I appreciate I had not made this clear.

OP posts:
reggiebean · 19/06/2013 22:58

'I do find it odd how some nannies on here seem to think they run under some specially laxer rules. I work when shops are open but if I went Christmas-shopping during the working day I would get a very serious reprimand (or worse).'

Part of the reason I loved being a nanny is the flexibility it offered me. Part of the reason the mum liked having me around is because she could trust me and was comfortable with what I was doing with her child in my care.

Clearly, you have different expectations for your nanny, than I had when I worked as one, but that's no need to insult my work ethic.

OutragedFromLeeds · 19/06/2013 22:53

' As it turns out they had gone for a long walk to make the most of the weather, which is great and exactly what I would have done.'

So you jumped to the wrong conclusion? Why do you have such a negative view of your nanny?

'I would however expect to be informed before longer errands were undertaken (prob 2 hours plus or involving longer trips into town)'

Have you told the nanny this or are you expecting nanny/mind reader?

'Why is it odd or lacking in trust to expect my nanny to behave in the same way as I and my direct reports do?'

I don't think anyone has said that. It is odd and lacking in trust to come home early and worry that they're not there, to worry because you can't get in touch for half an hour, to worry that you don't know who they're with and to immediately jump to the conclusion that she must be doing her own errands.

If my boss came home early, we weren't there, not contactable she would think we were at the park/on a walk/on a playdate because she trusts me. If she assumed the worst I wouldn't want to work for her.

Original poster
AliasNemo · 19/06/2013 22:40

Interesting spread of opinion. As it turns out they had gone for a long walk to make the most of the weather, which is great and exactly what I would have done.
I agree, btw, that small errands are fine and in fact have encouraged our nanny to sort them out during work time. I would however expect to be informed before longer errands were undertaken (prob 2 hours plus or involving longer trips into town).

I do find it odd how some nannies on here seem to think they run under some specially laxer rules. I work when shops are open but if I went Christmas-shopping during the working day I would get a very serious reprimand (or worse). And if I do need to go to a meeting outside the office I let my boss know- not to ask permission as such but so that he knows what i am up to. FairPlay standard- and I am quite senior in my role. Why is it odd or lacking in trust to expect my nanny to behave in the same way as I and my direct reports do?

OP posts:
ChippingInWiredOnCoffee · 19/06/2013 22:10

She was contactable - 30 minutes is reasonable. We did all survive before mobile phones.

diplodocus · 19/06/2013 21:48

I hope you have your own office Mrs C!

mrsannekins · 19/06/2013 21:47

I think that it isn't unreasonable for your nanny to go out and do things during the day that any sahm would do, certainly my DD gets dragged around with me on my non-working days when I have errands to run, BUT maybe if you aren't happy about it then you need to have a discussion with her and set some limits such as being contactable, letting you know if she has plans to go out during the day etc..

valiumredhead · 19/06/2013 21:46

Just to add, my employers expected me to provide the same sort of care as of they were at home and that would include going to the bank, occasional shopping (within reason) meeting friends etc. A good nanny will usually include a trip to the park or something child friendly to balance it out.

IsThisAGoodIdea · 19/06/2013 21:46

Wanking in work time is definitely unreasonable if you are a nanny...

valiumredhead · 19/06/2013 21:42

WankingGrin

valiumredhead · 19/06/2013 21:42

I worked as a nanny for years. I attended to my own affairs sometimes, my employers had no problem whatsoever. It was the days before everyone had mobile phones so there was no contact during the day unless out was an emergency. As a nanny you usually work long hours so need to do things during the day that you wouldn't necessarily need to if you worked 9-5.