If you were expecting number three and already had four and two year old and could afford £2000 of help what would you get?

Hi, I work as a mat nurse/night nanny and would like to think I'm not bossy or interfering!

my dses were 4 and 2 when dd was born. ds1 was in half day school nursery class, grandparents picked him up 2 days a week; ds2 had 2 days in nursery. We both work ft (obv I had mat leave). we didn't need other help. If your older dc aren't already getting some time with a childminder or nursery, cinsider a couple if mornings worth. at 4yo your eldest should have a free 15hr nursery place anyway or be at school. Try not to over think it til you are, umm, nearer the position? (easier said than done, agreed)

Well clearly at the moment you can't, as you are having to save to afford childcare and you are already assuming you wont be able to manage 3...

You can't plan for everything op.

Sorry just seen this as was out yesterday - tbh op if not even pregnant yet then don't worry about what help you may or not need till you are preg - may take you ages to conceive so ages may be totally different hence so will you needs - both may be at school for example

Soothe pat is a bit like The baby whisperer method - tho think all
Books have some methods to a certain degree

shh pat is roughly swaddle, sit, and shh pat rather then letting them cry so that babies don't get very distressed

When dc shows sleep signs or it is nearing their sleep time if in a rough routine (hopefully) dim the lights, etc to set stage, swaddle, the sit with dc w/out moving or noise for at least 5 min until totally relaxed. Then put down. If dc fusses then either rub/pat tummy and say shush shush

Or to pat their back (obv as baby will sleeping on back) so need to tilt on their side so can pat their back and as above - pat and shush

some books advise to pick up over shoulder and say shh while patting the upper middle back but i prefer not to pick up unless have to as can get into habits of keep picking up at every noise and baby then expects cuddles etc

This method does work - better on under 6mths and personally i think better on under 3mths - I usually start mn position when baby is 3 weeks or so - no point any earlier so the shush pat works well with this age

Why does baby wake? Hungry? Habit? Make sure has enough milk during the day. Give a dream feed at say 10/11 and try the pat shush method

Hope this helps :)

Just looked again at your age gap - a lot will change in that timescale, your eldest should be in pre school/nursery, you could put your youngest with a cm or something...

Or you could even put off dc3 until you are not so stressed by the thought of it. Its meant to be enjoyable!!

Maybe dont worry about it until you're actually pregnant.... what is it with people trying to make childcare arrangrments before the kids even been concieved or is past embryo stage

Many.people manage very well with 3 or more without having to get paid help... Just see how things go.

We are in a similar situation (although I'm already pregnant with number three )
We have decided to go down the mother's help/nanny route and I'm actually in the process of advertising the job now.

Hyper - I have advertised on Gumtree and Nannyjob.co.uk - so far had a bigger (and better) response from Gumtree.

For us, it's the long list of jobs that have to get done after the DC are asleep because I never manage to get them done during the day (laundry, putting clothes away, cleaning, cooking meals for us, ironing) that means both DH and I are exhausted, go to bed too late and so the cycle continues. DC1 is even at pre-school 4 mornings a week and I still struggle.

I think having an extra pair of hands to get all those things done more quickly is going to be most helpful. Also I want to be able to have some time with DC rather than always doing the chores, so the emphasis is on mother's help rather than nanny.

I was fortunate enough to have a maternity nurse for 6 weeks with DC1 and although the MN was lovely and not pushy or bossy in anyway, we found it very difficult having someone live-in with us. DC1 was not in night time routine by the time the MN left either (but possibly because she wasn't with us long enough) Although she is a now much better sleeper than her younger sibling.

Yikes I'm expecting number 3 with one of just 5 and one nearly 3 and now thinking holy crap I need some help! I will be having a c section too. Currently have a cleaner 3 hrs a week but can totally see washing especially ironing and putting away getting totally out of control! How does one go about finding a maternity nurse/ mothers help?

I only have two but I have had health problems. I've used free 15 hours preschool, every morning, plus a mother's help. I would really recommend this as you can get help with cleaning, baby holding (!), shopping, meals, playing with older one etc. Just an extra pair of hands and no worries about cleaning the bathroom etc. You could have eg 3 hours per day for a good few months.

As like mrs wishywashy I have got many babies into a routine and sleeping through the night 7-7 by 12 weeks some still havin dream feed till 16weeks - some are bf - some mixed - some all formula

Not intending to start an argument but bf babies can easily be put easily into a routine and sleep through the night

Job before last were bf twins and both sleeping through 7-7 by 16 weeks - one twin by 13 weeks

We listen to what the parent want and help them achieve that without babies getting upset and I use the soothe pat method rather then cc

As always there are good and bad nannies - good and bad mn - good and bad cm/ nurseries

But we have got off the subject of what the op needs or how to get the best out of her £2k :)

Some are and some are not. The one which we had was a qualified nurse

It sounds like you would have been fantastic for her. Much more flexible. Are all maternity nurses actual nurses? I dont think i even asked this before?

We are all very different.

Most clients do want baby on routine from early so we have to respect that. Whether breast or bottle fed all my babies have been on a flexible routine by six weeks and sleeping 12 hours with maybe one night feed by 12 weeks. I don't do controlling crying and I am respectful of the parents wishes in regards to the structure of the day.

Choose a good maternity nurse who complements your personality and at the end of the contract time you will feel well rested and confident and baby and parents will be happy.

I didn't mean to sound horrible about all maternity nurses. That was only my experience of one. It was one of my friends who had one and clearly the maternity nurse wanted the baby to be in a 'routine' which was the problem. My friend was bf and as bf advocates know, bf babies do not go into 'routines'. This is why I felt she was very old fashioned, because that approach is not evidence based and certainly contradicted all the professional support my friend was receiving.

I'm a maternity nurse and I am not old fashioned and interfering!

I've done a few two/three week positions with siblings. I help by interacting with older children, maybe taking them to playground or walk, cooking some meals, making sure mum gets as much rest as possible, running errands.

I do recommend that I come in after father takes two weeks paternity leave as then baby is just that bit older to work into routine and also means if bfing mothers supply will be established.

It really does depend on you.

A cleaner for ages

I've been in that position, though without the money and a cleaner would have been most useful

Actually we would have spent it on tv in hospital and then babysitters as dc3 was prem but that's by the by

4 yr old is in full time nursery school, 2 year old does 2.5 days per week and I am at home on maternity with a 1 yr old (returning to work shortly) I spent the £ on a cleaner. Worth every penny. She has made the difference between me being stressed and me coping.

Tricky - depends what you think you need

Someone to play/look after older 2
Help with baby
Or both
Help with housework/cleaning

A night nanny is great for helping you get baby into a routine and you get sleep this making days easier for you

A nanny can help during the day with all 3

A cleaner can make life easier with cleaning and washing

Mothers help can maybe help with all the above (apart nights) but may not be that good/hands on with baby

I'm not much help eh pmsl

Personally in your shoes I would try and get a nanny who has had baby exp to come and help for maybe a month or so - she (or he eh nanny nick) can then help out with all 3 children

Depending on area and experience and how many days etc £2k wouldn't actually last that long - well not in KENT - obv help 3 days a week would last last longer then say 5 days a week (could be easily 400/500 a week if full time)

Partly depends how you would be feeding baby (as may be of less benefit if breastfeeding) but I would consider a night nanny 2/3 nights per week for 6-10 weeks (assuming approx £100 per night).

I only have two but the help I had when DC2 came along (and DP was working pretty much every hour there was, certainly during the week)

• childcare - for the first three months, DD (2.6) was in nursery three full days a week as she simply continued what she'd been doing before I went on mat leave. Whilst it was nice, I did feel that I wasn't seeing much of her but then had two days when it was just me & the DC which could seem very long! For the six months after that, DD was in nursery two days a week and in village pre-school twice a week from 9 - 12. This seemed like a better balance as I had more regular catch up/bond with DC2 time and felt that I wasn't abandoning DD as much;

• until DC2 was 6mo, a 15yo neighbour in between 6 & 7 whose job was to put all the toys away & tidy the bedroom, help me with bathtime & generally lend a hand (so if the baby wanted feeding, she'd be in (supervised) charge of bathing the 2.5yo and reading her stories; if the baby was grizzly and wanted a cuddle, she did that & I looked after 2.5yo). It helped that the 15yo was a lovely girl.

We were in the same situation a few years ago - we had a just-turned 3YO, an 18MO and had newborn triplets.
We decided to employ a nanny who would be at home with me - it might sound like a bit of a strange set-up, but it worked brilliantly for us!
Obviously newborn triplets (or newborns. period) can be pretty time consuming, so I would either be tending to 3 small babies, and the nanny would be entertaining the older 2, or she would be looking after the babies whilst I was able to do activities with my older DD's.
It just meant that whilst I was feeding DTriplets, I didn't have to worry about DD1 and DD2 being bored and when I was doing things with DD1 and DD2, I didn't have to worry about rushing back and forth to the babies.
3YO DD had also just started pre-school and often if we'd had a 'tricky' morning, we weren't all up and ready to get her to pre-school, or it happened to fall at the same time as 3 babies being starving, so our nanny was able to nip DD1 to pre-school, or start feeding babies whilst I took her.
I didn't even really think about being able to just sit down and have dinner with my older girls without trying to juggle newborns, or trying to cook dinner etc.
I guess it completely depends on you and your children, but just thought I'd give my view to show how much it helped

When i had number 3 DS1 and Ds2 were 4 and 2. DH had got the hang of babies so he had 2 weeks paternity leave. My mum then stayed a week. I never found a maternity nurse very helpful TBH.

We then had a mothers help/nanny for a few months who did 35 hours a week. DS2 also went to nursery, three morning a week.

Nanny came every morning to help with breakfast and school. Initially she also came with us when I took DS2 to an activity so I could spend a bit of time with him. She was amazing in the evening, all of mine have been a bit fractious and fed a lot in the evening so she took care of tea and bath time.

I think we paid her £9/hour net for a 35 hour week but she was contracted for the whole week flexibly. So things changed as time went on.

Anyway - au pair wouldn't be able to look after a small baby, but you could get a live in mother's help for £250/week live in that would be flexible if you had the room. I've just never fancied the idea of having someone else in the house.

one of my mindees had a maternity nurse and I have to say she was the most fantastic baby I have ever minded. she still is a dream child age 3