Am I over reacting - charge in soaked nappy yet fully dressed?

You sound awfully judgmental OP, for someone whose livelihood relies on someone else pointing themselves in the right direction and getting out to work on time. You may not realise how busy a FT working parent's life is. Furthermore, you don't get the broken nights if you're a live-out nanny. Cut her some slack and please start trying to help rather than judge.

Hair in eyes doesn't cause conjunctivitis! Or else far more girls than boys would be affected and everyone would know about the hazards of long hair on small children. Conjunctivitis is just a fact of baby and toddlerhood.

And dry skin? Ha, practically every child in the land has that at this time of year. Especially ones prone to eczema- is he? My DD3's skin dryness comes and goes from one day to the next, never mind week.

What Outraged said. One wet nappy and one dirty nappy does not require a call to social services fgs.

Cut the woman some slack. Change the nappy when you get there, change him into a clean one when you leave, keep putting the cream on him - once when you arrive and once when you leave as a minimum.

Nurture the family the best you can and help them through this.

When you speak to her tomorrow, I wouldn't say anything other than 'I notice you are a bit tired - is there anything I can do to help' - other than that, keep schtum.

See how things go.

She probably forgot to change the nappy. I assume she was trying to juggle getting him dressed and herself out the door for work. You are there to make her life easier (I'm assuming you're a nanny) so your job is simply to take over where your charge's parents left off. You are in loco parentis, so if they forget to do something or don't have time to do it, you do it. Maybe the mum wanted to choose his clothes for the day!

'i have been through a break up - i didn't start neglecting my children's basic health needs because of it '

How wonderful you must be!

Someone is struggling. While it is fantastic that you find things so easy, a little compassion may be in order.

This has all happened in the last 2 weeks. He's been in a dirty nappy once and a wet nappy once. He has dry skin (like everyone at this time of year). He has long hair that she hasn't got round to having cut. I think it's a bit soon to be talking about neglect and social services

OP maybe just be supportive for a couple of weeks? Part of the job, is supporting the family. Change his nappy. Take him for a hair cut. Put some cream on his dry skin. It's not rocket science. Comment casually on the nappy situation to remind her she hasn't done it. Maybe put a note on the fridge to remind her to put cream on him. Be a bit more insistent about the haircut.

If it's long-term and regular then it's negelct. If it's a couple of slip-ups over 2 weeks, it's someone having a hard time.

i don't think dilly was suggesting she was going offer marriage guidance Alibaba

it is difficult as a childcarer to offer advice to parents, they get very defensive but i think if you read op's posts she has been trying her best to get her points across re the child's lack of care with the mother.

tbh she sounds lazy when it comes to her child. marriage problems or not, there is no excuse for neglecting a child. leaving a child in a sopping wet or dirty nappy is really not on

I'm not suggesting that is an excuse for neglect, but it doesn't take a detective to work out that if these things have only been happening recently then there is something behind it - which in this case could very well be the problems in the OP's boss' marriage.

Find it bizarre also that she is happy to say 'your eldest tells me your H didn't come home', and yet she can't raise the issue of wet nappies and fry skin with the same ease.

that's not a reason for neglect thought Alibaba!!

i have been through a break up - i didn't start neglecting my children's basic health needs because of it

Well there is your answer then..

Talk about a drip-feed!

is mum depressed? not coping? or just busy?

seems a little strange

first thing you do when child wakes up is change the nappy - esp if have taken pj's off and into clean clothes

one of my ex boss's was terrible at changing nappies and i would arrive at 8am and child be in soggy/down to knees/almost disintegrated nappy - you know when take it off and has turned to crystals :( but was in pj's so i just did it

if was in a poo/affecting skin then would have said something

can the hair be clipped back? boy or girl?

but the issue also op is, why does she need a nanny to remind her of these things!! this is her child!! is she that busy that she can't take care of his basic health needs?

i would mention the nappy as Springtime suggested Dilly...

the hair thing, mum must know what the doctor said, so maybe you could say something along the lines of 'when are you getting x's hair cut? did you want me to take him this week?'

the skin, i would mention to mum too - do you have a daily diary? can you just mention how dry it is and suggest some moisturiser? I do this and don't think my parents have taken offence.

These are all things you should be saying something about. Is there anything you need to do to help his conjunctivitis, like clipping his hair back to stop dipping the infection back into his eyes? Is there a lotion you should/could be putting on his dry skin?

can you not raise it with mum?

My nanny would raises stuff like this with me - like DD has a spot, or she's a bit sore for example

it shows me she's looking out for them

do you not able to raise it in a non confrontational way?

Perhaps a "Don't worry about dressing him if you're in a hurry, just change his nappy and I'll sort the rest when I get here" will be a big enough hint to her that she needs to get herself organised re hygiene.

Ah, so it's happened before. Say what you need to say to her then.

It will have been an honest mistake. There's no reason someone would bother to dress a child without doing the nappy, so perhaps the mum got distracted and forgot to do the nappy. Why on earth do you think she did it deliberately?