Am I over reacting - charge in soaked nappy yet fully dressed?

If I had a nanny, I would be glad of one who is observant, diligent and caring- like the OP. Hope the family get through this difficult phase.

She is probably just lazy to change the nappy. I am a nanny and on most days my charge has a soaking wet nappy on when I arrive in the morning. Sometimes he is dressed, sometimes he is not.
I think the way they take it is - they pay me - so why would they do it? And these days it's a mission to change his nappy- he wriggles around and won't stay still for a second.
I don't really mind, it never crossed my mind why they don't change him in the mornings. I get there and just do it. It's part of my job.

Is the H hitting her? Is he forbidding hair-cutting? Who pays you, him or her? Who signs the cheque if you get a cheque?

BE NICE to this woman. This nappy thing is out of character you say -- don't lay into her about it. The hair may be out of her hands. Ask her if there's anything bothering her or on her mind and offer a listening ear, if even for the sake of the children. It may be that she has to spend her weekends placating an abuser and simply drops the ball when it comes to bathing or lotioning the baby.

If I were the mother, I would want to know your concerns and advice, as long as it is done tactfully. You are a trained professional - that is why you are employed.

I really really do not see how you have extrapolated this to be a sudden outbreak of laziness from your boss.

And am with all the other responders who said some compassion wouldn't be amiss.

Just. Be. Nice.

I give up!

[bangs head against wall]

yes i do agree with Greenshoots. I said she sounds lazy and as though she's used to other people doing it for her!!

It also sounds like a recent thing, possibly a reaction - still lazy though....

OP as someone who employs a nanny I would be very grateful for your support if I was finding things difficult. I think you sound like quite a caring person so I'm sure you'll find the right, non-judgmental way of discussing things.

I thought you agreed with Greenshoots that she was just lazy and deliberately not doing it because 'the nanny gets paid, she can bloody do it'?!

That's quite different to a 'reaction' to stressful/upsetiing life circumstances.

yes,it is weird, as i said, it looks as though it's a reaction. we are going round in circles here. neither of us know her!! just saw dilly's post about mum normally being good with nappies btw....

Steady on Dilly, I think that you should mention the nappies, hair, and skin, them ask if everything is okay. I wouldn't start asking her about her perceived relationship problems.

'She may just be a lazy mare - you know her as well as I do!! '

True, but the OP knows her and has said it is out of character and she is normally very good with nappies etc. Do you think she has sudden onset laziness syndrome? Is it not weird that she's suddenly become a lazy mare, after not being a lazy mare for the last 6-8 months?!

i said Outraged - that as a childminder, i would report a parent who regularly left a child in dirty/soaking wet nappies.

I don't think this has been going on long - and you can see that this is a reaction to something from the sound of it.

Yes, she does sound lazy, and it is my opinion, she is used to having everything done for her and is now struggling for whatever reason.

i have already advised dilly what i think she should say, and if you re read the posts, i gave her some suggestions of neutral ways of getting her point across.

and outraged you don't know she is a 'poor woman' just because she has some marriage issues - so do very many people. She may just be a lazy mare - you know her as well as I do!!

'I would report a parent to social services for neglect'

'agree with Greenshoots'

I'll admit you didn't advise the OP to actually say it. Just that the mum is lazy and should be reported. What would you advise she actually say to the poor woman's face?

where did i advise that Outraged??

By all means say something Dilly, but make it gentle and supportive. Not 'I think you're lazy and I'm going to call the social services because you're negelcting your children' as Reet advises.

How long have you been there out of interest?

If you can't see the difference between a swamped mum, whose marriage is on the rocks and a professional, paid childcarer, there is a problem in your understanding.

It's just the same as when someone posts that they've lost their temper and smacked one of their DC, generally everyone is understanding. Totally unacceptable for a nanny or teacher or childminder or nursery nurse to smack a child no matter how stressed they are.

For a mum to let DC watch cbeebies all day and get them Macdonalds for dinner, fine, if a one off and mum is sick/nursing a newborn etc. Totally unacceptable for a nanny or childminder (unless possibly the nanny is sick and an arrangement has been made with the parents).

It's different.

agree with Greenshoots

I suspect the mother is being lazy and thinking "sod it, the nanny gets paid, she can bloody do it"

it's not very nice really, is it? I would have to say something. The child can't.

Completely different situation on so many levels.

I think that people r being a bit harsh.

If a woman posted saying " when I have picked up ds from the child minder twice now he's been soaking wet and had a pooy nappy that's stuck to his bum. I've been giving her cream as my ds has exczema but his skin is like scales so I don't think she's using it. I heard her in the phone the other day and someone was obviously shouting at her and
I don't think her mind was on the job tbh. Also she's got four other charges should I just assume she's swamped and leave it or what?"

You would all say how awful she was and tell the mum to find a new child minder.

She's just concerned its her job.

wow OutragedfromLeeds - a bit strange

never said i was wonderful - just said, i didn't start neglecting my children when i went through a break up, that's all.....