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Original poster

Newborn (ish) and Toddler, Nanny reluctant to leave the house

59 replies

oscarwilde · 04/03/2013 10:14

I am back at work working half days, from home 8-12, and our nanny is looking after my 4 month old (mix fed) and toddler during that time. In the afternoons, she just has the toddler but I'll be full time in 2 months and working from the office so I'm getting concerned now.
The baby is taking a long time to drink a bottle of milk/resisting it and therefore, our nanny is reluctant to the point of refusing to leave the house in the mornings as taking the toddler to an activity and giving a bottle to the baby seems to be an impossibility. She will only do it on a playdate at someones house in the afternoons on the odd occasion that she does a full day. (I have occasional meetings/deadlines)
Now I get that it's too cold to be sitting around in a park bottle feeding a reluctant baby but my toddler is used to getting out and about in the mornings and it has come screeching to a halt. She's more tired and cranky in the afternoons. I don't understand if I hand over two breakfasted and fed children at 8am sharp, why she can't adjust her routine and just get out earlier and be back for the 11.00am feed.

She's generally an excellent nanny but is extremely rigid in her approach and I'm getting all sorts of excuses like the baby will sleep longer than her requisite Gina Ford 45 mins and then won't sleep for 2 hrs at lunchtime. She keeps talking about getting out as soon as the baby is in a routine but that will all have to be adjusted every couple of months anyway.

I figure that if it were me looking after my own kids, I'd just bite the bullet and get out. The toddler will have to learn not to stray too far, or sit and have a snack and do some drawing in a cafe while her sister faffs about.
Am I being unreasonable, especially since it is not me looking after my own kids - are there any nannies on here and how did you adjust when a second child came along?

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Marypoppins99 · 04/03/2013 13:44

Woops ment to Carry on. That's why she may be reluctant to go out with the both of then it would be a struggle for anyone until you get yourself used to it and into a routine. Just like a few people mentioned. I haven't known of any groups to start before 9/9.30. Think your best bet wound to actually sit down discuss what you expect if her I.e being out in the mornings. If nothing changes just have to accept the job obviously isn't suited to her.

Marypoppins99 · 04/03/2013 13:40

As a nanny my first thought was has she had enough experience working with a young baby and toddler at the same time. Just a thought that may be one of the reasons why she reluctant to gont

doughnut44 · 04/03/2013 13:27

Could it be she is reluctant to go out because she cannot give the toddler attention when she is feeding the baby? I usually go to a dance and music group with a 2yr old but since minding a 6 month old I am finding it hard as the 6 month old disrupts the group for the other children and I can't join in properly for it to benefit the 2 yr old.
I would however take them both to a playgroup x

ZuleikaD · 04/03/2013 13:14

I'd definitely get her to ditch the routine (it's complete rubbish that if the baby sleeps for longer than 45 minutes she won't sleep in the afternoon, and in any case, so what?) but outraged also makes a good point. There aren't many toddler activities that start before 9-9.30ish and she may then fret about getting back in time for the 11am feed.

However, it's certainly not impossible to get outside into the garden or the park - take a ball and have a kick around while the baby's snug in the pram or whatever. Take a snack too. Today's gorgeous and the weather's about to warm up a lot so getting out earlier is very possible. Do you have some garden toys? Hoops, balls, that kind of thing.

OutragedFromLeeds · 04/03/2013 12:43

In terms of getting out earlier for activities, could it be that the activities don't start until later? I don't know any activity for toddlers that starts before 9:30am, so you could hand over two breakfasted children at 4am, it's not going to allow me to get to an activity any earlier!

I also think 8am is quite early to be leaving for the park in this weather, it's cold in the mornings and frost means the grass/slide/swings/benches are wet first-thing. The library isn't open until 9am. Where do you want her to go at 8am?

Having said that, she should be getting out if that's what you want for your toddler. She can go to activities at 9:30am stay for an hour and be back in time to feed the baby.

How old is the toddler? Is she able to play by herself or does she need constant supervision if at a playgroup/singing group/softplay/park? Is she worried about safety?

mrswishywashy · 04/03/2013 12:21

As a nanny most of my positions have involved a newborn and at least one toddler. Most avos and mornings have been out, even just a walk around the block.

You need to talk to your nanny about been more flexible, if you're happy with baby having a relaxed routine then she needs to plan outings. Even just a walk around the block would help your toddler, so maybe use that as a starting point. Also does she know she can plan to so feed at a cafe, often I've given a toddler and early lunch while I feed baby. She needs to find a way to work with both but you need to tell her your expectations.

Original poster
oscarwilde · 04/03/2013 11:25

I know - I've been trying to give her time to settle in with the baby and for everyone to get used to it but I ran around like a blue arsed fly between 7-8 and I've been sitting here all morning working and listening to them in the house. It is gorgeous outside so I am thinking WTF. They are not disturbing me, but I am looking out the window and wishing I could head out and I know the toddler is copping it because she just needs a good run. She's been ill all weekend and has barely left the house which the nanny knows.
Time for a sit down I think.

OP posts:
Flisspaps · 04/03/2013 10:49

I am not a nanny, and nor do I have one.

However, you are the employer, so can you not tell your nanny that you expect them to go out every morning, and that if this means your baby doesn't sleep for 45 minutes in the morning, and 2 hours in the afternoon, then so be it.

If your nanny isn't prepared to do this, then perhaps you need a nanny who is less rigid and is willing to apply a bit of common sense?

MNPin2013 · 04/03/2013 10:29

I am puzzled by her attitude.

If the children are ready to go at 8am why she isn't using this 3 hr window to go out. If baby sleeps longer then baby needed it (she says having had charge wake at 7, play till 8 when she was dressed and fed and asleep at 9 and still sleeping, and will go down again after 12.30 feed) and will still snooze after her next feed.

I think you need to sit and talk as she seems to be unable to think outside the (rigid) box.

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