Nannies - advice on mum insisting small 4 year old doesn't need a CARSEAT

Could you try freecycle and/or ask around if anyone has one that has been grown out of.

Ive read some of the thread, but REALLY??

HE'S 4yrs OLD for GOODNESS SAKE!!
UNBELIEVABLE that anyone would let a 4yr dictate ANYTHING..

If he is a small 4 year old, is he heavy enough to be in a booster? they generally have a min weight of 15kg. My 3.8 is 13kg.

Agree with those saying he needs a car seat tho. What was the baby in? A stage 2? Put 4 yr old in that - assuming he is under 18kg, which is usually the max weight for them.

I would buy/or make them buy a highback booster (under £30) and he would keep the seatbelt on. I do not negotiate with children about things like this (nor eating breakfast on time). If he takes it off, you just pull over and don't move until it's back on again. Breakfast, if he doesn't eat it when you tell him, he goes without - it wont kill him and he will learn. It does not matter what the parents do when they are there - you are in charge.

(Obviously it matters about them not using the car seat, I mean that in general when you are there it's YOUR rules)

print out the legal requirements and give it to them. and refuse to take the child in your car or allow them to, without a seat, as you will not be party to law breaking.

When DD, on a couple of occasions, unclipped her seatbelt, I stopped the car, pulled over, and refused to drive on until she left it alone.

Another friend refused to take her neice on a day out because she kept unclipping her seatbelt. It was harsh, but the child never did it again.

Are they going to let him have his own way through his entire life?

Find another child to mind with sensible parents.

You see I thought if you put in clear boundaries you could get him in the seat. But you say you have told him mum and dad will go to jail if he doesn't use it. What a bad move. How scary for a 4 year old and you've no chance of changing behaviour with empty threats like that.

how totally stupid - who is in charge here the adult or the child??

i know some boss's give in for an easy life but this is insane

op, you say they are great employers, well i dont think they are, they are bloody stupid and irresponsible to even consider taking their child out without car seats

you have 3 choices

1. never go out in car
2. buy a car seat
3. leave job and find responsible parents

either way i would report them next time they go out without using a car seat

Tell them that, as driver, you are legally responsible for his safety in your car including the use of an age appropriate car seat and as a professional will not /cannot afford to take that risk. Do they take other unnecessary risks and expect you to follow?

Email them the links that you have been sent here and explain you will not be driving him anywhere without a functioning car seat.

Do not buy one yourself - they are obliged to provide one.

Completing friggin insane.

So the issue isn't the lack of a seat but the fact that little Tarquin throws a strop if he's put in it, so mum and dad don't put him in? He's going to be fun to teach come Reception isn't he? Poor kid!

If this is an issue with lack of parental boundaries and "tough, I say you need to be belted in so get over it", I don't think you're going to win this one. You'll just keep coming up against issues where his parents aren't willing to put their foot down, as you're finding with last minute breakfasts.

What sort of notice do you have to give with this family, because i'm sorry but I think the car seat is the thin end of the wedge.....

I do not think OP should pay for a car seat. It is the parents' responsibility to provide one or to fund the purchase of one.

OP whatever their "rationale" they can't ask you to break the law. I would give notice if this can't be resolved. Madness.

I have had similar situation occur - though it was not that the parents did not provide seats, it was that I didn't want the hassle of taking them in and out of the car all the time. Instead I wanted seats that could remain in my car, so I brought them. Sometimes you just need to have a cost of doing the job... you have the cost of running the car, the parents providing that. They may pay mileage but the bulk of the cost of the car is still coming from your pocket to enable you to do the job. Are carseats essential to your job? Sounds like the parents are not happy that you are not taking the children out, so I would say that the carseats are quite important for keeping your job.

Though maybe there is a lot more to this and you need to consider if you want to continue in the job or not.

A Group 123 seat can be purchased for £35 from Argos. It's not the best seat in the world but it will make it legal for you to transport him in your car.

Sure he may not like sitting in it but it's your car and you are responsible for passenger safety. Children do adapt to having different rules when different people care for them, so whilst he may kick off at first about using the seat, he may accept it, especially if it's sold to him as being his special seat for use only in your car.

You have brought the baby the correct car seat already, so I'm not sure why you are so against buying one for the older child. Sure you can view it as being the parents responsibility to provide carseats if you like, but end of the day it is your car, so you are legally responsible for your young passengers. It's you who gets in trouble, not the parents.

Oh crikey, they have a baby as well?!?
Seriously, you need to put your foot down.

I've always worked with kids and hopefully always will. I had an incident with a 6month old in my car and had a 'chat' from a policeman. I was very, very lucky (and the baby was absolutely fine) but I made a mistake and I knew it. I was petrified I would loose my job and never be able to work with kids again.

Do your local police station have open days or attend events you could take him to?

They can't possibly be thinking of the consequences if you or they were in an accident while their little boy was not strapped in an appropriate seat otherwise they would be insisting that he is strapped in . I would ask to use the seat that is in garage if he is still within the weight limit and tell them if they want you to take the child without the appropriate restraint then they are asking you to break the law.
Explain to little boy that when he is your car he has to be in his seat. I understand that it is hard with the temper trantrums ,but that is one area where I never ever gave way to my kids. My dd would scream in the carseat as she hated being restrained, but if she ever undid her five point harness I stopped and put her straight back in. I used to pick up from school some kids whose parents did not strap them in but I told them when they were in my car they had to be on boosters or in carseats or they could not come with me. I hope you find a solution op.

Can you contact your local police and ask them to come for a "friendly chat" including the little one, to show how serious it is.

The little one may like the police visit and listen to him, and you could try and ask them to dress it up as a general "awareness visit".

Sorry but I wouldnt do this job.

The safety of their children is being put at risk here.

You cannot take him in a car without a carseat. You would be criminally responsible. You would be uninsurable. You would never be able to forgive yourself in the event of an accident. The parents would probably sue you to kingdom come in the event of an accident. You would then have to pay them compensation - which wouldn't be covered by your insurance. It could destroy you in every way, emotionally, financially, career-wise (who is going to employ the nanny who drove the kids around without a seat belt?).

Show them this.

Phone the road safety officer and get her advice. She may be willing to talk to the parents.

You will have to insist. Explain that you can't take him out without a seat and that it would be you that is prosecuted if he didn't have a seat not then, it would also look really bad on your driving licience (for a future position) if you did have the conviction.
The little boy is 4, not 2! just have a week of fun after school activities if he will put the seatbelt on you can go, if he takes it off then you can't. My four year old only takes a couple of weeks to modify his behaviour usually!