Live in nanny - etiquette?

Honestly? I don't think id tell her to go to her room... But I've never had one who wanted to linger. And I get home from work quite late so it's a quick bit to eat, catch on school stuff and off to bed. And DH is usually away during the week.

If you and DH center your evening activity around dinner and she has already eaten, perhaps she will naturally migrate elsewhere?

I've been a nanny for many years and have never say with parents on a regular basis to eat. I always ate with the kids and then disappeared to playroom (where there was nice sofa and big tv/DVD/cable) to watch telly or my room if I wasn't going out. I occasionally joined them for a dinner cos it was nice to sit and chat without kids around. Inviting your nanny to come join you for a takeaway is nice. But give her the get out option is she is busy/tired/can't be bothered! No reason why she can't be off in her own room at night times, she has to understand that you and hubby need time together as a couple. Maybe at her review, tell her that she doesn't have to sit with you guys every night, you provided her with a telly so she can escape and slob out. Make it lighthearted but stress how nice it is for you and hubby to chill together at the end of the day.

£50 a week sounds a lot in food for one nanny - there have been debates for a family of 4 to live off that

some families want the nanny to join them once a week, i think thats quite nice,but from the few live in nannies i know, they want their own peace and quiet in evening, so maybe as she ate with you in the trial, she thinks that what is expected of herself

a quick chat is all that is needed :)

I think it's probably ok, as it's part of a larger sum which she uses for housekeeping (she does the shopping as well while DD is at nursery). The £50 is just the amount that we expect her to need spend to keep herself in bizarre vegan food. If she needs more, we've asked her to let us know.

I'm a live-in nanny and usually I eat with my employers. At the weekend I am usually at my BF's place but when I am at home my employer cook for us all together and I eat with them. During the week we swap making dinner, I prepare one meal during the day and on other days my employer prepares a meal. However we don't cook fancy meals during the week. Mostly roast chicken, with steamed vegetables and quinoa for example. Or fish etc.

What did you do during the trial week?

@MummytoMog you need to come up with a different arrangement for the nannys food and travel as the way you say it now it is liable for tax and national insurance. You can give your nanny board and lodging, and pay for travel that she is required to do for her job, but you cannot give her the equivalent cash without it coming within PAYE.

All our live-ins (10 years now) have cooked for and eaten with the children, but you are in an unusual situation for a while with the ages of your children.

You need to discuss together how it works now, and also when and how it is going to work when the twins are older and eating selected "adult" food.

Live in nannies often eat with the family now, not uncommon. However its also not uncommon for them to also cook for the family as well. You need to define duties strictly in her contract, not doing so can leave you financially damaged should action occur at a later point.....she may be unsure of ettiquette and whether you would be offended if she just cooked for herself without asking.

If she is happy disappearing, let her.

OP,
Wow you have a lot of firsts going on here. There are bound to be some issues that just need a bit of polite communication. She probably needs a bit of a nudge in the right direction. I would give her a helpful hand by suggesting a variety of dishes she might like to cook your older DC (and herself) during the week. A polite little nudge that she will be doing the cooking....

I was going to ask this! We have a lovely live in for the next couple of months. She's got some unusual dietary requirements, so we give her £50 a week to sort out her own food/travel etc. The first night she was here, we ordered a takeaway for us all to eat and watched a film together but since then she's disappeared up to her room to eat/watch tv. Now I'm very happy for her to do that, but I'm worried she feels unwelcome :( was thinking of maybe inviting her for a regular takeaway (our treat) and film night with us? Or would that be pushy?

Agree with the above, you need to sort this out now. As she's never lived in before and she had the inclusive experience with you in the trial week she may not no of another way - always best to talk about this at interview stage.

Just make it clear that she can eat with the toddler or later on and let her know she can add things to the grocery list. If you get take away it would be nice to offer to get her some too. And as for sitting in the living room just mention that you need to have time with your husband alone. Am sure in a few weeks when she's met some friends she will be out a lot more.

Wow bad typing! Let us know what you like to eat in the evenings...

I find that a bit odd too. She should know to give you space really.

Does she feed your older one? If so start saying 'oh I thought you ate with X, if that's too early just lwt ys know what tou like to ear in the evwnings and we'll put it on the shopping list'. Now is the time to nip it in the bud - trials are always slightly artificial - but it's only been a day. Maybe she feels that's what you expect?

In my experience as someone who used to do live-in, this is a bit odd! I never wanted to eat with my boss. I never expected her to cook! I used to escape upstairs as soon as I could.

My advice would be to sort it as soon as possible, try sitting her down for a quick chat and lay it out. Don't let it become a habit. Has she lived in before? An aupair would expect to eat with the family as they are treated like a big sibling to the kids- has she been an aupair before?

Perhaps put aside one evening a week to eat together, have a chat about privacy and evenings. You could even choose a day like Friday and take it in turns each week to cook then eat together, and the rest of the time seperate? I don't know if that helps, as I say when I was live-in I couldn't wait to have my own alone time!