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Original poster

If you heard a childs parent say

34 replies

DoISay · 23/11/2012 09:14

something upsetting to the child.

Context

Child "I hate you"
Parent "Well if you hate me then I wont be here when you finish school"

Parent later jokes about it to me and says maybe it'll teach child a lesson as they are actually going away for the weekend and the child doesn't know.

:(

Would you tell the parent (one of your parents) that it was unacceptable or just deal with the tears and upset later on from the child and not say a word?

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DumSpiroSpero · 25/11/2012 20:20

It sounds like he's desperate for her attention/approval.

If she can't already see that and is saying this sort of thing I'm not how or if you'll be able to get through to her tbh.

CharlieCoCo · 25/11/2012 19:07

Thats awful. What if something happens like a car crash and god forbid the parent dies, that child will be even more messed up thinking it happened because she said i hate you.

Original poster
DoISay · 23/11/2012 15:00

General 4 year old stuff. But he is generally silly/naughty for her and then we have big tantrums but again nothing a bit of consistency wouldn't solve.

OP posts:
DumSpiroSpero · 23/11/2012 14:49

What sort of behaviour are we talking about?

It does sound as if there is a real issue here in their relationship.

Original poster
DoISay · 23/11/2012 14:36

So.. how?

She often asks me if his behaviour is to do with her? Could follow on from there.... have other "issues" around the same theme, do I go in for the onslaught Hmm I hate this part of the job.

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 23/11/2012 13:45

Oh :( that family :(

RyleDup · 23/11/2012 13:32

Fuck. That is really nasty. What a cow. I'd have to say something, politely of course. You couldn't not really.

fraktion · 23/11/2012 13:27

I think you really do need to schedule a chat. This is the kind of situation that breaks my heart :(

Adults can be so cruel to children without realising it. They think it's a joke but don't comprehend that the child simply doesn't understand, and this is a particularly vicious example.

Does this happen a lot? It's emotional abuse and I think you should be noting down your concerns and raising it with the relevant authorities if yo you see a worrying pattern.

Original poster
DoISay · 23/11/2012 12:10

Blondes we've spoken about this family before :(

There is only mum so no-one else to speak to. Will have to schedule a chat next week.

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 23/11/2012 11:54

That horrible and so sad :(

Why wouldn't you tell a child you are going away for the weekend ??'

ThePoppyAndTheIvy · 23/11/2012 11:32

Poor child, I have heard a mum say something along the lines of the "well if you hate me you won't want me to pick you up later" type thing but NEVER when they actually weren't going to be there!

That is just so cruel Sad. The mother sounds very selfish & slightly unhinged.

Maryz · 23/11/2012 11:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DumSpiroSpero · 23/11/2012 11:25

Do you feel you could raise it with your employer, as someone else said, in the context of "X was very upset about you being away this evening, I think they might have taken what you said to heart a bit."

Is the child's dad on the scene at all?

BertieBotts · 23/11/2012 11:25

That's horrendous - does the partner not have a relationship with the child? He should be coming to see BOTH of them if so. If not, why has the child even been introduced anyway? :(

Original poster
DoISay · 23/11/2012 11:22

I will look after the child I am the nanny.

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Maryz · 23/11/2012 10:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Floggingmolly · 23/11/2012 10:51

That's bloody awful Sad.

You know what they say; you need a licence to have a dog...

DumSpiroSpero · 23/11/2012 10:47

I know you must really feel for the child in this situation, but do you really think you can carry on working for this family?

Original poster
DoISay · 23/11/2012 10:45

I need to say something.

Also mums long distance partner is visiting. child wants to spend time with partner and has been told partner has come to see mum and not child. which is true but doesn't sit right with me. :-(

OP posts:
DumSpiroSpero · 23/11/2012 10:26

That is absolutely disgusting behaviour on the part of the parent.

My mum was told stuff like this by her childminder (that her mother wouldn't come back for her if she was naughty). She was too scared to even tell her mum it was going on for a while.

My mum is 73 now and has never forgotten those experiences, and has had separation issues for most of her adult life (other factors contributing admittedly).

I honestly think that is one of the most appalling and damaging things anyone could say to a child, although sadly I have no idea how you can broach the issue with your employer (?).

I really hope someone else comes along with a good suggestion and you can get it sorted out quickly.

Cantbelieveitsnotbutter · 23/11/2012 10:20

Oh and I'd say "they were really upset, it must hurt /cut more then you thought as they've obviously been thinking it over working themselves up"

Cantbelieveitsnotbutter · 23/11/2012 10:18

I've heard a mum use this and her son is a particular pickle!!! Kids need to feel secure, emotional blackmail is not the way to do this!

BertieBotts · 23/11/2012 10:17

Holy shit. That's terrible.

How is the child supposed to feel secure if the parent says things like this? It's like saying to a toddler "Okay then, if you're not coming we'll go without you" and then actually leaving them there. (I don't really like this as a threat anyway, but still)

My four year old tells me he hates me all the time, I just ignore it. They're just expressing their emotions in an immature way.

Original poster
DoISay · 23/11/2012 10:13

HSMM - agree thats why I feel I should say something.

OP posts:
HSMM · 23/11/2012 10:07

It's emotional abuse ... I respond to I hate you with I love you.

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