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Stressing about Au Pair

38 replies

MrsJones100 · 07/11/2012 12:39

To all you veteran host families. I have applied for a job that would only be possible if we had an au pair for our 9 and 11 year olds. This would be a first for us and I am not so sure if my requirements could be met. So this is the story I would be doing 12 hour shift work, so au would have to be up at 6.15 to start school runs (two different schools), she would have to drive. We could only offer a small bedroom and the shared family bathroom, however the overall is not small. Her English would need to be good enough to help my 9 year old DS with homework, and cook reasonably well. Would this be a chance in a million finding someone to rely on for all this. Also would I have more back up and less hassle using an agency rather than au pair World.
Would really appreciate any thoughts.

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MrsJones100 · 10/01/2013 12:59

Would be interested in your thoughts, if its possible maybe you could word it differently.

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LittleCloudSarah · 07/01/2013 17:58

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andagain · 08/11/2012 14:42

Hi,
I have sent you a private message. You will get a little red dot next to your inbox (top of the page next to "log on" button) on your mumsnet page when you log on.

fraktion · 08/11/2012 14:27

It would be legally binding. APW don't supply a contract (and don't trust any info on their site).

Do a bit of reading around employment, PAYE thresholds etc. an au pair is just the same as any other employee so you can use the business link interactive tool to create a contract or adapt a nanny one from somewhere like Nannyjob.

MrsJones100 · 08/11/2012 14:03

Yes fraktion very true that would be the flip side of a first time AP. Do APW supply a type of contract or is this done totally off your own back therefore would it be legally binding in anyway and if not whats the point.? That would be great andagain to look at your contract and appendix. New to this, how do I give you my email privately.

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fraktion · 08/11/2012 13:44

I would say if your requirements are a bit non-standard you are better with someone who hasn't APd before, as they may have a very set idea of what happens based on the previous family.

Definitely agree about living away from home though.

andagain · 08/11/2012 13:24

I personally don't think having a previous AP experience is necessary but I would prefer someone who has lived away from home, or if they still live at home then it is a kind of semi-self sufficient existence, as in they are used to looking after themselves (perhaps have a job, even if part time, and are not waited on hand and foot by their parents but contribute to the household). But I think you can find these things out in your skype interviews.

StillSquiffy's advice is brilliant, start from there. Write a list of everything you can think of, from what their duties will be, to how much time you would be happy for them to hang around with you in the evening. If you allow them overnight visitors, then specify when and for how long. Don't think anything is trivial. If you haven't had anyone living in your home before it will be a big change. But if the person is a good match for you it is brilliant!

My APW advert is very detailed and once I get an au pair, apart from the contract they get an appendix which is kind of a rule book but really just telling them how we live and what we expect of them. I am happy to email them to you if you think it might assist.

MrsJones100 · 08/11/2012 12:44

What a fantastic wealth of experience, I feel more uplifted about this than previously. I was planning on offering over the average wage but hopefully time off would average out, as I would get seven days off after a block of night shifts, so I would try to give them much more time off then.

Do you think a plus side could be no toddlers, just my 11 year old DD who is not home from school until 6.30pm and my DS finishes at 4pm?

My main concern is that the DC's will not suffer in anyway I would rather the house goes a bit to pot. Would you say to definitely avoid AP with no AP experience?

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StillSquiffy · 08/11/2012 10:21

ITs easy but you need to have a much bigger wish list, which you then break down into nice-to-haves and must-haves. Then you need to think about what their wish list might be and how many boxes you can tick.

EG. You need a driver. That means you need someone over 21 (otherwise you will struggle with car insurance- up to £5k extra with some insurers if under 21). If you need someone to help with homework they need to be not just fluent in English, but a graduate too.

So with all of those must-haves you might need to be flexible on other things. Do they really need to be able to cook reasonably well? Or just be able to rustle up an omelette and cook some sausage and mash? Do you need a girl or could you have a boy instead (will make a huge difference in the quality of applicants you get, as there are tons of male APs looking for jobs, but good girls tend to have lots more choice open to them). How long do you want them to stay for? 6 months appeals to people dong stuff before getting on with their real jobs, longer appeals to those who don't really have a life plan yet. There are pros and cons to having people stay for longer vs shorter periods of time (not least the headache of replacement) so have a think about that. Also, do you want them to be a 'mate' to your DCs, or a pseudo-parent? That will affect the CVs you should be looking at.

Then there's things you need to think about to make your job more appealing. Can you offer gym membership? use of car? Oyster card? Are you going to give them a double or single bed? Will you let their friends visit and stay over? When they're off duty is there a separate sky TV so they can watch their stuff without it bothering the rest of you (think America's Next top model for girls, UEFA footie matches for the boys). If not, how flexible will you need to be yourselves?

IME agents are great at finding you young girls with driving licences and reasonable English who are not long out of school and looking for a life experience. Most of them (again, IME) haven't lived away from home before and that is primarily why I personally don't use them - I don't want to run the risk of hiring someone who expects to be 'parented' themselves. Using Greataupair or aupair-world is a hassle, but means I can sift out the unsuitable ones easily. If you do the DIY route bin ALL applicants without a European passport or some other right to reside (some commonwealth countries are ok). - Don't even look at the profiles of non EU non commonwealth, because you will not be able to hire them except on student visas which will be too restrictive for what you are looking for.

On the plus side, having au pairs around isn't that huge a shift, and my DCs have loved it - always someone there to play on trampoline or have a game of chess with or kick ball round the garden. There are lots of really nice, really normal young adults out there, and most of them make your lives soooo much easier (I have mine doing the family shop, taking pets to the vet, sorting out deliveries and suchlike. Bliss)

andagain · 08/11/2012 09:26

Hi,
I don't think you should have too much difficulty recruiting a suitable au pair.

But I do think you will need to pay above the average rate to compensate for the unpredictable hours (and what I assume will be much longer hours during school holidays). I would also base the pay on whatever the most common number of hours worked will be (say 25) and then look at the hours monthly and if the hours worked were well above the average then top up her/his pay for that month.

Be as detailed as you can in your contract so there are no ambiguities and reasons for resentment when they face a long working week.

But I think as long as you are very clear what the job is like and make it worth while for them with slightly higher pay and if possible some perks, it won't be a problem to recruit.

FWIW We have a 24 year old au pair who drives, cooks and doesn't seem to have problems with us all sharing just one bathroom. She has been with us for 9 months now and she is fantastic!
I have always recruited via APW and always fly them over for a test run weekend before offering the job.

MrsJones100 · 07/11/2012 21:04

Thanks for all this info. We live in London on the Picadilly line and yes we have Wifi. It could not be a conventional week in terms of hours. If I was on a night shift for example and my DH away she would have to be around. However when it came to my seven days off from the block of night shifts she would be pretty much free. This is all very scary life changing!

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fedupwithdeployment · 07/11/2012 16:07

Grr. Long post now lost!

Question is how many hours do you need AP for each day? You pay for 25/30 hours a week, ie 5 or 6 hours a day. We use AP for about 2 in the am (gets up about 7am, leaves boys at school 9am) and about 3 in the pm (collects 3.30 and I get home 6- 6.30).

We haven't had a big problem with English - but ususally have French APs as I am fluent. Cooking can be a bit hit and miss (I admit to being a control freak) and driving can reduce the numbers of APs available. You can stipulate it, but the possession of a driving licence does not immediately translate into someone you will be happy to drive around English roads with your children. When we needed a driver, we gave several lessons! The other thing to consider is where you live. If London, and near a college, you may have more chance of success than in the sticks.

Smaill bedroom and shared bathroom should be fine. Do you have wifi? That will probably be of more interest!

We have always used an agency (Pebbles), but it costs c£25/month, and so AP World may be more attractive. Frankly, I have been happy with the agency, and when we have had problems, they have always been helpful and sorted things out.

Good luck!!!

fraktion · 07/11/2012 16:01

It's doable - there are plenty of mature drivers with good English at the moment. Space isn't necessarily a problem. Many au pairs from continental Europe will have grown up in apartments. Plus your chances are hugely high if you're open to a bloke.

Less hassle? Not really with an agency as you still need to double check their checks. The upside is the AP will have all their ducks in a row.

More backup? Possibly. That all depends on the reason it didn't work out. In theory they should find a replacement but that effectively means recruiting all over again.

What you don't say is what kind of area you're in, what activities there would be, public transport links, other au pairs, English classes (or other classes) at a local college etc.

Are you prepared to share you living space? Do you have emergency backup if they flake out? How long would this arrangement last? Have you thought about the extra costs? What will happen in school holidays?

What kind of lead time do you have on this?