Nanny - do I change?

In that case you have two choices (depending on laws of the land). You either manage her to get what you want or you give her notice. Obviously there are pros and cons to each option and possibly legal implications but when your nanny (or any employee) stops making your life easier it's time to either get a new nanny or manage the performance to an acceptable level.

From personal experience I have found it very hard to coach a nanny, even though I am a good, experienced manager at work, and the period of things not working out has almost always coincided with some other need like my dc's need for more socialisation or speech work.

It is hard though because there are emotions involved and it's so much more personal than dealing with Andy from Accounts who you see once a week or Michelle in your team of ten employees.

So long as you are fair, honest and give her every opportunity to improve and obey the law everything else is down to her.

DrJ - that's it though isn't it - accepting you can't have it all - you either have a nanny that gets stuff done while they play by themselves or you have a nanny that's full on with the children but doesn't do much else.

That said, no matter what - they should be cleaning up after themselves.

So many things here it's hard to know where to start.

Flexibility - If you don't know what your hours are from week to week then neither does your nanny - it's a bit hard on her to expect her not to have any social life/plans 'in case' she needs to work 24/7. Why not use someone else as a babysitter if she doesn't want to do the over nights or weekends, I'm sure there will be plenty of takers for those additional hours.

Cooking - your children are very small, most small childrens diets are fairly monotonous - it really doesn't matter, you can make them 'different' things when you cook. As long as the meals she is making are nutritious and edible then surely that's fine. She's a nanny not a gourmet chef.

Housework - she has two small children all day, how many hours per day do you want them sat in front of the TV or whatever while she picks up the slack between you and the cleaner - why not just employ the cleaner to do what needs to be done instead of only some of it.

Childrens' laundry - she needs to stay on top of this, but not everyone agrees on what that means, you only have to read the laundry threads on MN to see that! Just tell her exactly what you want.

Childrens' rooms - does you cleaner not clean them?

Days off - I find myself stressed with cooking, washing and cleaning on my days off - what exactly do you expect her to do, to change this, on your days off (which I assume are also her days off).

In saying all that, she is fantastic with the DDs. She spends a lot of time doing activities with them (mainly indoor, as she's not an outdoorsy type). She never shouts, she is strict without being mean. And DD1 (2.8) adores her. Her timekeeping is impeccable. I have no worries for their care and well-being

Frankly - ^^ is the important thing is it not?

I get the impression that this I struggle with the fact that she has fun with my children is the real issue :( and something you need to think about.

'I expect her to tidy as she goes'

That is perfectly reasonable, but it's not general household cleaning. You should come home to the house as you left it, i.e. she tidies up behind herself and the kids. General household cleaning would cover hoovering, for example, your bedroom, which she hasn't been in and hasn't contributed to the the mess in.

I think you either get nannies who do household cleaning (because they are at home all day and unless they have hundreds of children to care for, there simply IS time to put a wash on, put the hoover round etc) or nannies who don't do that but do do loads of activities and crafts and spend time thinking about that.

I want my nanny to do what I would do if I were at home which is care for the children and keep the house under control. I couldn't care less about craft and stuff. My children have had the same nanny for 6 years and she does the odd bit of craft with them but mostly they are just hanging out together, chatting, drawing, playing in the garden. There is plenty of downtime for a quick tidy up.

I ruled out any nannies who said things like "I will hang out DC's washing but not yours" or "I will put my cup in the dishwasher but not yours" on the grounds that I can't be arsed with that. Obviously I do clean up after myself and don't leave cups out for someone else to tidy up! But I want someone I'm paying to be at home all day to take the role I would have if I was at home. My house is always reasonably tidy but my nanny just pitches in. It's not on if you are spending all your time sorting and organising.

Maybe that just gives away my prejudice against "heuristic play" whatever that is!

I think, on balance, that because she is good with the children and you have found someone else to do the less social hours I wouldn't let her go. But I would look to get in a cleaner/housekeeper for 2-4 hours a week to do cleaning, laundry and prepare a few meals if I could afford it. If I couldn't then maybe negotiate a change to her hours to allow for this or give her notice.

However my view is very coloured by the fact I would never expect my nanny to do household cleaning and all my nannies have been fairly rubbish at cooking.

Do be sure to check out the employment law position before letting her go (if that is what you decide) to make sure you don't end up with a heap of trouble.

In that case you're right to be annoyed she isn't doing what she's been emplyed to do. Whether it annoys you enough to replace her, only you can answer.

The cleaning thing is difficult, because as you said it's not something done in the UK. If I went to an interview and they said 'full-time care of (I assume) 2 DC's, 2.8 years and (I assume) a younger one, all their cooking, laundry, clean/tidy their bedroom/play areas.....and do the general household cleaning' I'd say 'no, thank you' and leave. My sympathy with you having to clean up your own mess is extremely limited tbh. The nanny is doing the kids stuff and you have a cleaner, there can't be that much left over?!

I would change over the lack of flexibility.

You shouldn't sack someone because you've found someone better/different unless you've been through the proper grievance procedures.

Have you sat down and spoken to her about these problems? Have you given her a verbal and/or written warning, have you followed the procedures in your contract?

The cooking she should be working to improve, but have you specified this is a big problem for you? Maybe give her recipes for a week, make sure you have the ingredients in the cupboard and ask her to cook those things, see how she gets on.

With flexibility it really depends on what you have in your contract and what you said at interview. If you made it clear she needed to be flexible and now she is refusing then you are right to be annoyed and need tell her she either does it or you'll find someone else. If you didn't make it clear and are expecting it on the the grounds 'my friends nannies do it' then you are being quite unreasonable to be annoyed that she doesn't want to do it.

Organisation, laundry and bedroom cleaning should all be better, but warrants a firm chat and not a sacking imo.

I wouldn't do general cleaning. Do you want her to reduce the amount of activities she does with your children/time she spends with them to clean your house? Again, if you specified in the contract/at interview that she needed to do this and now she refuses you're right to be annoyed, if you didn't.....

Maybe you need a housekeeper?