Au Pair Virgin needs help!

Here's a thought, SM: The prettier they are, the more likely they are to think you're husband is a sad old git and not worth bothering with....it's the unnattractive ones you want to be careful of...as my DH put it in one of his confessionals about his single days "if you're on the pull and haven't had any success by 11pm, you go down the evolutionary scale, the lower you go the better your chances and the more grateful they are". It's disgusting but from my conversations with friends we all agree that we get more worried by the desparate women than we do the pretty ones. We've had a 20yr old Swedish stunner as an au-pair for 18 mths and it hasn't even dawned on her that guys my DH's age (40) are still blokes. Our males mates all get the same - she treats them like they are no different from my 70 yr old dad, but she's been known to simper over the young muscly gardener like a lovesick teenager. (Mind you, I'm gulty of that too, on occasion ).

SM - I don't do a telephone iv until I am completely happy that I have found the right person. I keep up a dialogue of correspondence of mails with the shortlisted few. Once I've received 4 or 5 replies from each (striking up a conversation about what we've been doing/they've been doing) I then think about doing the telephone iv.

I don't have specific questions but I normally run over some of their answers and see what they've been doing the past week. I ask them a bit more about their childcare experience. If the conversation seems to flow then I know they're going to fit in well.

Whenever my family visit they laugh as well. I used to be so disorganised! Two weeks is more than enough. If you find after a week that they do not know the basic routine (eg where the school is/what time the kids have to be at school) then that's the time to reconsider a back-up. It's only happened with the nightmare AP (sacked after 7 weeks). In fact this AP, I actually put aside a week to help her and the second day she told me I wasn't needed!! So I used the spare time to catch up on clearing out some rooms.

If you want to email me Mrs_Recyle at yahoo dot co dot uk I'll send you my contract.

SM - pmsl about the saucepan. I used to have a matching set but one seems to have gone awol and one has been burnt by AP when cooking popcorn - not realising we have a pop-corn machine!

That AP does sound very organised - grab her!! Mind you watch out she doesn't start organising your life for you. Why don't you ask her for advise on juggling teaching/AP/family?

No seriously, the way I handle it is to have a master schedule which lists a regular daily routine for Us; the AP; the Kids (okay a bit too regimented but it helps the handover to run smoothly). I always have a menu planner to hand, just to give them an idea of the meals the dds like. So my advise is Lists; Lists; Lists and start a routine, if you don't already have one!!

I also try and spend the first week showing them around. It will take time and there will be teething problems but as long as you are able to spare some time to help them, it always runs smoothly.

As for an AP every term - recruiting every year is a nightmare - I couldn't bear doing it three times a year - I take my hat off to you ScienceT.

Dont worry, the ones who post honeypot photos are probably on the lookout for single dads.

Not all of them are offering to care just for the children you know!

I don't bother checking references - they are no guarantee of anything.

I get my au pairs from aupairworld. I've had a lot of success from there and it is cheap and easy to find an aupair.

I wait for aupairs to respond to my profile and then I will give them a yes or a no. I then wait for them to contact me. Usually, they send a chatty email, telling me about themselves and asking about our family and the job. I have a little webpage with more details, including local links, that I send them, and will add to it if I am asked a question I haven't thought of before.

The key thing, IMO, to decide up front is the age of the girl (eg at the younger end or at the older end of the au pair spectrum), the level of English that you require, specific skills like being able to drive, food issues, type of family background (ie number of siblings). Then you can think about things like hobbies and ambitions - it is good for them to have something to occupy themselves with as being an au pair can be very lonely at times, especially if she is only working 25 hours a week. One of my best au pairs was a girl who loved running and practicing her violin - she never got bored.

YOu also need to come up with a list of hours and duties, so that there are no misunderstandings later. Money too. You should also decide how long you want her to stay - you get a lot more mileage out of an au pair when they are new, so think about getting a new one every school term rather than going for an indefinite one.

Oh, I'm suddenly very worried about my lovely new Le Creuset Wok....

Oh Uwila - I had the same argument with dh when he was cooking mum's day lunch and scraped the frying pan with a metal spoon. They just don't get it do they?

I "borrowed" my contract from an Agency and can send you a copy if you want. Don't know about legally binding but it's perfectly acceptable for UK Immigration to issue a Visa with (for non EU).

As "hirers" it's our perogative to reject the good looking ones! or accept the good looking male ones

Oh, yes. My poor frying pan. I noticed last week that it looks like it's been to Hell and back. It USED to have a teflon coating. Pity, cause I'm not replacing the whole set of pans, and I can't stand for my pans not to all match. So we are going to live with the used to be teflon coated frying pan.

You are not alone in not wanting a beautiful au pair.

SM - you are a virgin - you actually remind me of myself when I first started out. My time was spent constantly writing emails to prospective candidates. So, with Uwila's assistance, I refined my process which has resulted in the successful recruitment of 2 wonderful APs since.

1. Using a "template" mail I give a bit of info about us, what we are looking for, when we need someone to start and attach the questionnaire that I ask them to complete.
2. Wait for the replies to start flooding in - NOT. It's surprising how many do not respond further.
3. Respond to any questionnaires by answering the questions I asked them, from our point of view. (Probably a series of emails if their English isn't too good.)
4. Compile a spreadsheet, summarising their suitability/rating/contact details and rate them as No 1 - 5 according to best match. This is where I get assertive and if there is something I'm not happy with, I'll tell them I'm not taking their application any further.
5. Once I have then found that No 1 that I am completely happy with, I start a series of telephone calls - speaking to their parents and their references (sorry I had a bad experience with written references so will only telephone - even if they have no prior childcare experience, I will speak to someone who can give them a personal reference). I will ever have 1 person that I interview/speak to.

You need to have a schedule if place and like Uwila says work out exactly what is required of them. This is the hardest bit. Initially my AP requirements were for exactly the same reason as yours. But they have evolved into someone who can enrich my DDs and our lives - a "Big Sister" so to speak.

The rate sounds about right for 25 hours plus 2 evenings a week babysitting. But you need to stipulate the total "package" eg - holidays/mobile phone/internet/english classes/travel/etc. Each host family differs here.

I don't think any age is too young - I had an 18 year old who was old beyond her years (and her references were able to confirm this). I would even consider a 17 year old as long as they have the maturity that is required. It really is down to personality of the applicant.

My questions are:

1. Why do you want to become an Au Pair?
2. Why do you want to come to London?
3. Do you have any friends/relatives in London or the UK?
4. If so, where do they live?
5. Have you looked after children before? If so what were their ages and were they boys or girls?
6. What was you favourite part of looking after them?
7. What aspect of children’s behaviour do you not like?
8. dd2 likes to say “No” a lot – how would you deal with this?
9. dd1 is very slow in everything she does – how would you encourage her to speed up?
10. What activities/pastimes have you done in the last month?
11. What do you plan to do in your spare time when you are with us?
12. Are your parents happy with your decision to become an Au Pair?
13. What pocket money are you expecting? (This will be for 25 hours a week plus 2 evenings a week babysitting.)
14. Do you have a bank account?
15. Do you have the funds for your flight to the UK?
16. Have you had any first aid training?
17. What food do you like?
18. What food do you not like?
19. What is your favourite meal?
20. We like our girls to eat healthily – do you know what this means?
21. dd2 is lactose intolerant – do you have any allergies yourself?
22. Do you have any phobias?
23. Describe your health in the past year.
24. What interested you to the role we are offering?
25. Are there any aspects of the role that you need further explanation on?

I can provide more advice/experience if you want to tell us more about the job. What are her duties? What are her hours? What things are importants to you? For example, some people will be interested in the au pairs ability to tutor at home work time, other may be happy for the kids just to get on with their homework themselves while the au pair cooks dinner. And if that is the case, think about cooking skills and knowlege of nutrition (my questionaire will tip you in this direction as I've had some bad nutrition experiences).

if you are not home till 6, then the majority of your childs time will be spent with the aupair. is that what you want?
money asides, is that satisfactory to you?

My nanny is from Canada, and is covered by the NHS. Surely, anyone from the EU would also be covered. Not sure about people from countries who come in on an au pair visa. A quick phone call to the GP to see if she can register there should probably answer the question.

I've sent the questionaire now. I procedure I follow in hiring a nanny/ au pair is that I put up an ad. When potential canditates I respond I send the queestionaire and ask them to complet and return it with a copy of their CV and a current picture of themself. This givces me quite a lot of information to look over and i don't waste my time and their having long conversations and typing lengthy e-mails if I'm not interested in them. It also mean sI have written responses to compare.

I wouldn't hire an au pair or nanny who had never before been a live in au pair / nanny. I also wouldn't hire anyone who could produce at least three babysitting references with whom I could speak. (if the references didn't speak english I would settle for direct e-mail communication which I would then have translated)

not sure about hte health insurance, Ive only had au pairs in Germany and France. But I think you are right, they get it on E111, or by being resident. Must be on the dept of health website somewhere.

we also use AuPair world, it is very good.

tbh, I never bother with screening, I just respond to the answers as they come in. If I like the look of the person, I phone her straight away, and I take on the first good one I find.

There are few rules, but I never take anyone who says her hobby is riding. She will be so unlikely to get used to slumming it with us