My aupair is plain lazy.... help

I also think pointing her at cook books is a waste of time. I don't think I've ever looked at a recipe and found that i have all the ingredients in for it. Unless you expect her to go and do the shopping in her spare time in the mornings?

Who does do the shopping anyway?

Just seen £80 a week. Sorry that is simply exploitation and slave labour.

I thought au pairs only helped for a few hours a day. Light housework care of children. Not cooking. Depends what the agreement was when she was employed. When I last looked it was three or four hours work a day and the rest of the time studying English or other subject. Sounds she is doing a lot of work. How much are you paying her if that's not too rude a question. I think that's problem the important thing in regards to your expectations. Eight till six is a very very long day. Even with two hours off. Bar jobs at weekends. As well as those long days. YABVVVVU.

OP Started off reading with sympathy. Ended up feeling really sorry for your AP. What really annoys me about this country is people taking advantage of others by paying them peanuts and ignoring their obligations to reward fair work with fair pay.

I am sorry blueshoes but I disagree. Yes, the role has moved on and yes au pairs can negotiate to do more hours and more duties but what op describes is a full time full on job which is a nanny/ housekeeper job.

Just because you fully describe the job and explain all the details, it does not make it right paying someone £80 for 50 hours pretty hard work, including juggling making a meal for 6 with looking after small child simultaneously! It is shocking to expect that much.

APs main reason for being in the UK is usually to improve English and see a new country, not to get a job with so many hours and so little pay that they cannot afford to do anything or go anywhere.

Not being from the UK, I understand what the OP means about the 'general work ethic' ... Let's just say that when in UK, we have to adapt to the cultural working norms ... but they don't necessarily make the UK competitive (but that is a discussion for another thread).

It cannot be exploitation if OP makes it clear in her job description what the role entails, the pay and the aupair is free to leave at any time. It is the aupair being a timewaster to accept a role she had clearly no will or skill to fulfill.

"I am dismayed that the general work ethic in this country is to do as little as possible, for as much money as possible"

Is that not basically your thinking too? You want this girl to do as much work as possible for you with no free time for herself while paying her as little as possible and expecting her to be grateful.

Andagain, I would not go so far as to say that OP is exploiting or suggest she is morally wrong. If she makes it clear in her job description, it is a job like any other. Things have moved on in re: what an aupair role entails.

Some aupairs, particularly those from Eastern Europe, may ask for longer hours anyway.

No wonder she's pissed off, you're expecting her to do far too much, for too little money.
Your expectation of an AP is ridiculous, you need a nanny and a housekeeper.

I think it is fine for your aupair to work 8 hours a day if you pay her accordingly. It is relatively long hours for an aupair but if you make it clear during recruitment, everyone is on the same page.

From your schedule, I would say it is quite a busy role especially since it has 4 school runs, 3 times a day with afterschool childcare for your ds2, afterschool activities for your dd. Any parent who does this knows how exhausting it is.

I think it is difficult to ask your aupair to do housework whilst your dcs are around e.g. between 4-6, unless you are around. Your aupair would be quite tired by then. I think it is better to fit the housework after your aupair has dropped the children off at school/nursery, so there is no one to get underfoot or asking for snacks etc.

If you wanted to make it an easier job that would suit more people, I would abandon the housework and pay a cleaner to do that to a professional standard.

The job would then be childcare/schoolrun heavy which would appeal to someone who likes to spend time with children.

You sound like a hardworking person and would probably do all you ask your aupairs to do and more . I guess reading the schedule, it sounded like you were expecting her to be a mother in terms of multi-tasking and just not ever sitting down when there is stuff to be done. I hope I am not being unfair, because the work is clearly do-able, just a tad more than I would be confident an aupair would be able to handle.

OP, we have AP (this is our second one). I think her duties are pretty standard for AP. This might assist you in seeing what AP (as opposed to nanny or housekeepr or mother's help) should do.

We have one child. Our AP works 7.30-9 am Mon-Fri, which involves supervising our DD getting dressed and driving her to school and then 3.-5.30 pm Mon-Fri which involves picking her up from school, playing with her and making her dinner (which is fairly basic pasta or rice dish or something we had prepared and frozen previously). On top of these 20 hours she does 3 hours ironining every week. So it works out to 23 hours per week plus one night babysitting (set night every week and not weekend night). Any extra babysitting is paid extra.

She gets £80 per week plus £10 per month on her phone and £20 on her oyster. She is free to use our car whenever she wants.

I think that is about right.

Some families get their APs to help with their evening meals which I think is acceptable but daily cleaning or cooking for a large family is not what an AP is supposed to do for basic AP pay.

You have to remember that these young people are here to experience a new country and make new friends and learn or improve their English. They are not here to work 50 odd hours per week and get paid peanuts.

I am sorry but what you expect for what you pay is borderline exploitation
(and frankly morally wrong).

You really should be employing a full time nanny/housekeeper and pay appropriate rates.

Horsey, my first instinct with your current aupair is get rid. She sounds like she is taking the piss. She is a non-starter. I don't know how much more you can be expected to direct her in her duties. I would start rigorously performance managing (first warning etc) her asap with a view to terminating.

Going forwards, I would agree with metrobaby about the 3 categories of tasks and how it is difficult to find an aupair to be good at all 3.

Cooking is one area that is the most difficult for young aupairs. It is more a housekeepers role. It is the one I have abandoned for my aupairs, but they do the simple cooking for the children that metro describes. I don't think it is unreasonable for you to expect an aupair to do the simple family meals you described but in increased quantities, but for some unfathomable reason, it is a very difficult thing to ask of a young person who has not had to look after a family of her own. She should not have taken the job.

I note in your schedule you ask the aupair to prepare meals between 2-3. But between 4-6, there are a lot of tasks set out for her which do not include cooking. When do you expect the aupair to actually be preparing dinner for the family? Does she cook in advance at 2-3pm and then leave plates of say pasta sitting around to be heated up by the family for dinner?

You might be better off with someone who comes into clean and prepares a meal e.g. gets the slow cooker on? It is such a big help to have the meal ready and I agree with you that meal times are very important especially for busy families like yours.

Unless your AP has a huge attitude change and can manage 2 decent meals a week, might not feel so overwhelmed by that as 5 nights, and it's still a help especially if she can do school run and other bits.

I think its shocking that you expect so much for so little money and then call her and the rest of the country lazy when you don't get it.

You also complained that she only cleaned her own bathroom once in 3 weeks. So she plans on cleaning her own bathroom once every 10 days? And? There is nothing wrong with that! Personally mine needs doing every week but i don't see why its an issue. It makes you sound like a control freak!

Poor girl, she must feel like a slave! No wonder she saying she feels unhappy.

You talk about the car as though she should be really grateful, as though its a gift, but actually its essential for her to do her job so i would stop patting yourself on the back about that.

I wouldn't work 40 hours a week doing childcare and housekeeping for that money Horseymumjo, and there's nothing wrong with my work ethic. Usually the pay off for au pairs is that they have free time to learn a language/meet new people/explore a new country, and so that makes up for the lack of pay. You need to think about what's in it for your au pair, if she is working long days.

You sound quite dismissive that sole-charge childcare of preschoolers is actually quite hard work.

Wow, I am a childminder so no idea on what is/isn't acceptable but I always believed an au pair works before/after school with some other duties but aren't they often at college or something and therefore not working most of the day? IMO, if this person was doing all the list you've just given for £80 a week then you are getting an absolute bargain! I might be wrong as I said, just shocked at the list as it's more like what my nanny friends do and they're paid a hell of a lot more than that.

I'll be interested to see what other people who do know about au pairs say.

I am dismayed that the general work ethic in this country is to do as little as possible, for as much money as possible

No - you are dismayed that you need to pay a lot more for the service you want!

But it's not a little housework, and it's not one or two meals! You are expecting a lot more than that!

I think expecting her to do all that for a measly £80 a week, is preposterous!!

I would tell you to sling your hook!!!

Maybe it depends where you live forevergreek - but where I am an experienced live-out nanny is on £8-£10 gross, maybe £11 for very part time hours, a new nanny would be more like £7 gross. Au pairs would get £65-£75 for a standard 25 hours plus babysits. I have known unqualified live in nannies getting around £5 an hour as a first nanny job.

I think you are asking her to do way too much and it's a bit of a cheek to call her lazy in your post. What you need is what used to be called a 'mothers help' but you'd need to pay them the proper going rate . Also why has it taken a week to repair a fan belt !

Some thoughts:-

1. £80 a week in the UK comes with an expectation that AP will do 25 hours a week - maybe 30 hours in some parts of country. Sounds like she does 8 hours per day for 5 days per week? Totally unacceptable IMHO. Especially as those 8 hours cover a 10 hour period, so she is effectively tied to the house for 50 hours a week?
2. You say that your DH is out till 5 and that you run your own business too, so am I correct in reading that between 12 noon and 5pm she has sole care of at least 1 child at a time, and is expected to do housework, and make family meals at the same time? Totally unacceptable IMHO

APs can do whatever hours/care that you and they agree to do, though most people hesitate to give them sole care of under 2's. But you really do need to balance your needs with an APs expectations. My AP does housework and looks after kids but never at the same time. And I pay him £100 for what can be 35 hours a week but is in reality more like 28-30. I agree that if your needs exceed 35 hours a week then you need more than an AP. It's slightly different in the US but here in the UK it's never more than 35 hrs - not least because once you go over £100 you need to register them for tax and NI, which brings with it a whole headache of paperwork/insurance/costs.

The fact that you did X, Y and Z and had loads of responsibility as a 22 YO is irrelevant. You won't find APs like that. Or, if you do, you need to thank your stars and cherish them.

You need to rethink your options. I would suggest you look at an au-pair couple who could do this between them for £150 a week. Or see how you can scale the work back into a more manageable chunk (increase nursery hours/get a cleaner??). You will probably need to do this soon, though, because if she is personable she will find herself an easier job soon. As it stands there is nothing in it for her to make more effort, is there? If you work on lightening the expectations on your side then she will probably be willing to up the game on her side.

Rubriso, sorry your figures are low. Someone living out found the same job would be asking £8-10 net ( so you need tax ontop- £11-13 gross) per hour. So 8-6, 10hrs x 5 days. Is not £240 a week