My aupair is plain lazy.... help

I'm in a funny situation here as I'm a Nanny so basically get a large(ish) salary to do what the OP is asking of her au pair (though with more work and hours etc) so I'm torn between respected the OP for being honest and asking AIBU but also cringing at the idea of getting a fifth of my weekly pay...

I've lived on my own with out parental support for almost 6 years which is my excuse for the cooking but I still can't believe that an adult can't cook an egg?!

No, I didn't. Not once.

You implied that working a 40 hour week for 'pocket money' was acceptable nkf.

There's no such thing as an au pair plus. That's just a nanny on the cheap. And nobody would give this girl a nanny's salary because she can't cook and spends time in her room rather than with the children. It's a total mismatch of skills, needs and expectations. That's all. It doesn't have to be some sort of class war number.

Yes I would NotaChocolateRaisin.
I actually think, after years of reading AP threads on MN, that it should be made illegal or at least much more highly regulated. There's far too much potential for exploitation and while the majority of families are very nice to their APs and they become like elder sisters to their children, there are clearly a lot of people who use them as as a cheap source of labour.

And that's not acceptable.

'And I've only just turned 21 and am more than capable of cooking a full roast dinner for 8+ people and am astonished that people in their early twenties can't even cook pasta! Wha?! '

Everyone's different NotA, they come from different backgrounds, have had different experiences and opportunities. You should be so shocked to discover this.

I've said all along that I think the OP is expecting too much. I don't know what I'm supposed to be ashamed of.

I think people are being a little harsh with laying into the OP here, can we not keep some boundaries? Would you speak to a person like this to their face?

Whilst I agree, in principal, that the expected work-load of the AP is high this doesn't excuse her attitude and, as someone has pointed out, she was informed of the job role and accepted it.

I think that it is reasonable to ask for the AP to cook for the children - maybe not EVERY day though - but is asking a lot to cook for the family.
I think that general, light housekeeping is again fair but it not if it gets in the way of looking after the children.
I think some people have fairly summarised APs roles well:

• do the school run
• cook some basic meals
• entertain the children (but not all day)
• do some light housekeeping

And I've only just turned 21 and am more than capable of cooking a full roast dinner for 8+ people and am astonished that people in their early twenties can't even cook pasta! Wha?!

nkf - if you're expecting a young woman to work 50 hours a week (as the OP was, she's now revised the hours down to around 35), and you're going to pay her 'pocket money', you're exploiting her.

And you should also be ashamed for thinking that's acceptable.

Exactly. And here we have a situation where the host expects a job to be done and the au pair doesn't expect to help out.

They are given pocket money because it's not a proper job though, it's "helping out" while living with a family and learning English/experiencing a new culture. 40 hours a week of childcare/cleaning/cooking isn't helping out, it's a proper job.

They are not paid by the hour. They are given pocket money. They are not be compared to a salaried employee. If you use an agency, it is made 100% clear that they are not employees.

Threads like this make me despair of MN, truly :(

You were paying her £1.60 an hour. Your revised schedule suggests paying her a princely £2.30 an hour. No wonder she's unhappy.

Why don't you just lock her in the basement and have done with it?

As for the 'gosh, I'm not surprised you have problems with a young woman from a fairly wealthy background, I employ Romanians for absolutely fuck all but they work really hard and they're dead grateful' post, you should be very ashamed of yourself.

The attitude to au pairs on this board quite often appals me. It's shameful

Gosh just read this thread and feel so sad for this au pair.

I used to be an au pair and worked 5 hours a day helping around the house and looking after the children. I was desperately homesick at first and pretty useless at everything but they treated me like a member of their family and taught me lots of new skills and I was then able to carry out any expected tasks. I ended up staying for a year and still keep in touch 16 years later! I now have children of my own and if anyone expected this of my daughter for £80 a week I would be horrified!

when i was 19 i could cook you curry but if you wanted anything else it might be an issue.

out of my 3 APs, only one could cook. She was 19. The others were 20 and 25 and couldn't boil and egg between the both of them.

You would be amazed how many young people cant. I have only ever had one au pair who could cook - she was really good, but her mother was an awesome cook also.

Interestingly, my current au pair says ours is the only family he has ever been with where the children routinely help out in the kitchen, and have chores of their own to do. In every other household the children sat around and where waited on. IMO if we dont teach our own children to do houswork, why should we be surprised to meet a sucession of clueless young adults

first i thought your ap was taking the piss from the title but after reading the posts, she isnt,you are op

you want and need a childcare from lunchtime to 5/6pm - as well as cleaning and cooking - this is not an ap role, you need a nanny/hk or nanny and cleaner and this will cost you more like £80 a day gross rather then £80 a week

regardless of hours/wages etc a 22yr should be able to cook basic stuff as casseroles/fish pie/lasagne etc

I would look into other options. My au pair was paid £100pw plus board and lodging, for less hours than yours. But still, it is like getting another grown up child.

But he is leaving us at the end of the week and I shall not be replacing him as my housekeeper is going to do extra hours and pick up from school on my office days. Even though she is going to be paid a lot more in terms of hourly rate I expect to be better off as I wont be running an extra car and feeding another mouth. And I would rather pay more to a responsible adult than have a sucession of othe peoples grown up children living with us

Wow! Threads like this really bring out the bring on the revolution elements of mn.

From your original description, what you want isn't an au pair, it's a FT nanny and a PT cleaner. A live-in nanny would also need lodging and use of a car, by the way, and would cost you a lot more than £80.

She also sounds as though she's not likely to be the world's greatest au pair either, that's true. But it's a secondary issue.

I do think it unfair to say the AP scheme is weighted in favour of the AP. From the stories i hear from our Ap's friend's it seems quite the opposite!

The bottom line is an AP is supposed to work 25 hours a week approx- in theory so they can do a language course. Even revised your hours are much more than that. I don't personally think that any of the jobs you have mentioned are that taxing of an AP- but there are too many of them all at once.

I know we are very lucky, but so far ( she has been here a month) our AP seems to be pretty good at all three areas- maybe cleaning being her weakest. (She has got the hang of it now, but the first time I asked her to hoover downstairs it took her 2.5 hours!!! It should take 20min max. It now takes her 25min.)

We pay at the lower end of the MN range at £65 pw, although locally we pay bang in the middle- her friends get paid £55-75pw. But she says her role is a lot easier than others where families seem to think their APs are house elves!

Our AP always has mornings free. She goes to college twice a week. Two days per week she takes DS2 for me for an hour or so during the early afternoon, to the park etc whilst I work from home. Aside from that she helps with after school routine with both DSs- homework, dinner bath and bed. Two days per week she has DS2 alone from 330pm til bedtime whilst DS1 is at after school activities. During the daytime during the week she hoovers upstairs, downstairs, changes boys bedding and does the odd bit of tidying/dusting. She does one of those jobs per day. That is all the stuff I ask of her during work hours.

Outside of work hours she is always v helpful, in terms of mucking in with washing up, loading dishwasher etc, help making dinner. I do appreciate that if she wasn't it would annoy me! But equally we treat her as an adult in the household, so most nights she watches tv with us, if we open a glass of wine we will ask her to join us, if we get a take away we will get her one too. I think it works both ways. I know that when we have had a crisis she goes above and beyond what she is supposed to do to help out. Eg when our dog was sadly put to sleep I was a total wreck, she took DS2 all day, she fed him, played with him, took him out, bathed and bedded him and I didn't need to worry about him.

Some of her friends are expected to work 7-8 hours per day. They are left extensive lists of housework jobs- things more suited to a cleaner. They are told to make their meals seperately and stay in their rooms in the evening. Several have had problems with the children not being accepting/downright rude and the parents don't support the AP. I think that is awful. The parents stand by and let the children be rude and don't tell them off etc. It must be awful as a young person in a strange country to be treated that way.

Poor girl .

Agree with everyone - you're expecting too much of the AP. You really need a nanny and a housekeeper, which would cost a lot more.

I know she replied to your ad, but really - it's too much for someone who has never run a house before, or looked after a family.