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Original poster

How did you choose your Au Pair

108 replies

CountessDracula · 21/03/2006 15:37

I have finally given in and said we can have and au pair - difficulties with dd being ill, dh's work going mad and general exhaustion have finally persuaded me that we should give it a go.

So what did you look for in yours

I have a preliminary shortlist (not spoken to them yet)

  1. English, 21, looked after her much younger siblings for the past 2 years. The first line of her profile says "I am a christian" which tbh I find offputting, not because I don't like christians but to put it in the first line may imply fanaticism do you think? She sounds very nice and sensible.
  1. A 22 yo hungarian girl who says that people say she is a responsible, tolerant ,open minded person who loves fun,children and the life. That sounds more like my cup of tea, she has worked in UK for a year and I think is still here so could interview her. She has worked in a nursery too.

what do you think?

What do you look for in an au pair?

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Uwila · 24/03/2006 09:22

So, have you hired her?

MrsRecycle · 23/03/2006 14:22

Glad I've made you feel better CD - your dh will will really think you're mad when you make him do one - as I did with mine Grin

Uwila · 23/03/2006 14:19

I would worry more if it wasn't for MN. I find this place a great source of answers on almost all subject (like today's payroll mishap) which I'm sorry to say they won (in part).

Anyway, don't feel guilty. You are providing a wonderful role model for DD. You have a good life because you have earned it. And that should be a source of pride not guilt.

Original poster
CountessDracula · 23/03/2006 13:48

Thank you elliot

I really can't believe the results of those charts. I am a nutter I think for not doing something like that before!

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elliott · 23/03/2006 13:44

Yes, its easy to focus on the time you're NOT there and forget all the time you ARE there. That's what dh keeps saying to me - they have 4 days being with us vs 3 days of childcare (and on those days we see them for about a quarter of their waking hours too). Plus we are very rarely away from home, as a rule we have breakfast, teatime and bath/bed time as a whole family.
I'm not at all surprised that the au pair figure is so low - but it's reassuring, isn't it? As they get older too its more important that the people they have are loving and interesting than that they are the SAME people year in, year out (apart from the parents of course!)

Original poster
CountessDracula · 23/03/2006 13:40

oh he already does

He thinks I am mad overprotective obsessive mother I think. And I am pretty sure he puts it all down to mn Grin

I do wonder though, if I had never found mn would I worry about half the things I do

OP posts:
oliveoil · 23/03/2006 13:38

he will think you doolally

x

Original poster
CountessDracula · 23/03/2006 13:37

Will show dh my lovely pie charts Grin

OP posts:
oliveoil · 23/03/2006 13:37

See!

Original poster
CountessDracula · 23/03/2006 13:36

Oh yes I do half the time anyway!

OMG have just done this for dd

Sleep 49%
Us 27%
Nursery 17%
Au Pair 7%

WOW
I cannot tell you how much better that makes me feel Grin

OP posts:
MrsRecycle · 23/03/2006 13:29

Or co-sleep with dh and dd - then you'd up their percentages!!

MrsRecycle · 23/03/2006 13:29

So you spend more time with your DD than you do at work. I had always assumed sleep was top, then work, then kids.

Original poster
CountessDracula · 23/03/2006 13:26

maybe I should sleep less Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
CountessDracula · 23/03/2006 13:21

OK I have

Sleep 31%
DD 26%
Work 21%
Me/dh 11%
Chores 6%
Travel 5%

Over the week

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MrsRecycle · 23/03/2006 13:06

One thing that helped me over-come my "guilt" was doing a very basic "pie-chart" - using a spreadsheet. In it I entered the actual time spent with my dds/doing household chores/working/going out with dh/personal time and compared against the time I would like to spend doing these. I was completely surprised that, in breaking up every hour of the day/week (24 hours x 7 days), the time with my dds was very much equal to my target which equated to well over 75% of the time available.

I was expecting that the majority of my time was spent at work but was amazed that this % figure was quite low. Try it out!

Original poster
CountessDracula · 23/03/2006 13:06

oliveoil that is a really good article

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oliveoil · 23/03/2006 12:47

\link{http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,7-2062162,00.html\here}

I thought it good, some of you may disagree.

Original poster
CountessDracula · 23/03/2006 12:46

I think I will give it a go
I had agreed to

We had the same argument about state vs private primary last night too!

I just don't wnat dd to do something I didn't do, am scared that I won't understand any problems she is having IYKWIM as won't have been there myself Blush Is pathetic really

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oliveoil · 23/03/2006 12:44

There was a brilliant piece in the Times once that a columnist did on working mother guilt and I meant to post it at the time, will try and find it, it really struck a cord.

What do you think you will do?

Original poster
CountessDracula · 23/03/2006 12:39

Thanks MrsR

I think she would fit in as she wants a life outside too, she has lots of friends here. We don't want someone moping round the house all the time!

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MrsRecycle · 23/03/2006 12:28

CD - I am in the same profession as you and have 2 dds 8 and 5. Since dd2 was 4 months old our experience of childcare has been a Nanny (still a friend), 2 x awful Nanny's (sacked after a month each),sahd,nursery,childminder(now a friend), 1 x awful AP (sacked after 7 weeks), 2 x wonderful lovely APs. Our last AP is still in touch with dds and takes them out for the day - she was with us for a year. Our current AP is here for six months.

Like you, after the nightmare experience of having to sack 3, I was very dubious of the going the AP route again. We didn't need an AP, but dh wanted to try it again so that it would make our life a lot easier. I was against it but agreed for the last time. I am so glad I went with him. Our AP experience (due to the deeply instrisicate recruiting procedure that I now use) has been so enriching and we love our APs.

I can really understand your insecurity about this. Every time I had to sack someone I thought about what I was doing to my dds in terms of consistency of care. But, I can honestly say, it hasn't affected them one bit. In fact, it has made them more loving and more sociable and more able to adapt to situations. They never forget the childcarers they have loved but instantly forget the ones that did not love them.

But you really need to make sure you have got the right person that will fit with your family and not just someone that you clicked with (I speak from experience here!).

Original poster
CountessDracula · 23/03/2006 12:16

Elliot my god I hadn't thought of that. It's true I am SO anti change when it comes to anything to do with dd. And I was very pro change before having kids. Poor dh no wonder he gets peed off!

We had au pairs too the only one I can remember was a french girl who made me do the ironing and smoked non stop and talked on the phone in french all the time!

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elliott · 23/03/2006 12:12

CD you just sound like you've got a touch of the working mother blues - always brought to the fore when there is change afoot.
I can really relate to your anxiety about changes with carers - its one reason I've been nervous about investigating the whole nanny thing. But rationally, it is you and dh who provide the stability in her life, so I don't think in the scheme of things it is going to matter, as long as the au pairs you find are nice.
I torture myself endlessly that it woudl be 'nicer' for my boys if I was with them more - but actually, they are really fine and happy. It is just something in MY head that I'm somehow not being the best mother I could be.
btw, we had au pairs who changed every year and you know what, I have no memory of them whatsoever. I suspect its not nearly as important as you think...

Original poster
CountessDracula · 23/03/2006 12:03

Ahh thank you all.

Nannyj it's not the changeover that is worrying me per se, it's the thought that there may be more than one in a short space of time if for whatever reason it doesn't work out.

Bink yes, I do envisage the relationship with her nanny continuing. She is such a lovely person and she really does love dd as if she were her own. (which is another reason for not doing it!) I did think of making her a sort of honorary godmother or something like that!

Yes dh did say either of us could give up.

The problem is I have a dream job. Not the work but the circumstances. As an IT consultant/analyst/project manager type it is very hard without going in-house (boring, crap money) to find a job that doesn't involved travelling AND they will let you work part time AND they still pay you when dd off sick AND they pay you loads anyway! Mine is all of those. Plus I really like the people I work with and I feel very valued there, but don't have to work long hours.

Also dh and I earn about the same so either of us giving up is a big loss in earnings.

OP posts:
nannyj · 23/03/2006 11:52

CD i know it must be hard to make such a big decision you sound like a lovely mum but honestly i think children are pretty resilient (sp) when it comes to nanny change overs. Just as long as its done sensitivly there shouldn't be a problem and the au pair sounds really nice too! Good Luck i think you should go for it!Smile

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