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Original poster

Child Special needs mothers never told me

37 replies

Justanameok5454 · 19/09/2012 20:27

Hi just started a new job in August., looking after four children twins girls aged 4 and boy 8 & 9 years. All fine but oldest boy seems to have some kind of special needs. He is on a gifted programme at school, but he has these melt downs where he lashes out and his brothers and today his sisters too. He also is very controlling telling me what to do all the time. anyway one of the other mums at his school today mentioned his autism. I was shocked mother never mentioned this. To be honest am thinking of leaving. But just moved to the area and everything and made lots of friends. But am annoyed mother knew this and never told me. She says he can be difficult but never mentioned autism. I would like to know how to help him. But his tempers can be very frightening.

OP posts:
RaisinDEtre · 19/09/2012 20:51

or what Lucy said (stupid fat slow sausage fingers)

Original poster
Justanameok5454 · 19/09/2012 20:50

Thinking of leaving because of his behaviour, it is every day and makes the job very unpleasant, that sound very uncaring, and I'm not. But don't seem to be winning with this young man.

OP posts:
RaisinDEtre · 19/09/2012 20:50

you need to tread v carefully

the on dit in the schoolyard might be the child is autistic but this might not necessarily be the case; a hot headed or quirky child can be 'labelled' by others without foundation

by all means discuss your concerns, ones that you have observed, like the lashing out, or being controlling (which could well be interpreted as sibling rivalry or being bossy/assertive if you see what I mean)

Original poster
Justanameok5454 · 19/09/2012 20:48

Iwill without telling me too much can you tell me about your friend in denial. Because am wondering if this mother is too. She seems so caring and open. I understand labels are not always positive but seems this boy is not getting help he needs.

OP posts:
LynetteScavo · 19/09/2012 20:48

Are you thinking of leaving because of the child's challenging behavior, or because a mum on the playground mentioned he has autism and don't feel you are equipped to deal with it?

I'm not going to second guess why the mother chose not to mention her DSs autism, or even his tantrums. But I think you should feel honoured she considered you capable of caring for him.

And if I was looking for a nanny, I would be impressed to read the CV of someone who had cared for twins and an autistic child at the same time.Smile

LucyLastik · 19/09/2012 20:47

It might be common assumptions rather than actual fact. Other parents may well have put his behaviour down to having some kind of SEN but it may be that his behaviour needs dealing with. I would chat to the child's mother and see what she says and I would also try not to be too angry until I knew the facts. It could just be gossip among these other parents.

Iwillorderthefood · 19/09/2012 20:45

Maybe she is in denial and thinks being labelled autistic would not be positive for him. I know someone like this.

Original poster
Justanameok5454 · 19/09/2012 20:40

Hi Colditz , yes agree, I feel bad now telling him off , if he can't control his behaviour, and angry with the mother. But can't understand why she would have done this. The other mother at school seem to give the impression it was common knowledge.

OP posts:
colditz · 19/09/2012 20:36

I think she has been very unfair to.both you and him. How could you be.expected to.meet. his needs when you weren't told about them?

Original poster
Justanameok5454 · 19/09/2012 20:34

Not sure if I would have taken the job. I don't know much about Aspergers , will read up. I need to know how to deal with him. Also yes I will speak to her. Am feeling confused at moment , can't believe she didn't tell me this.

OP posts:
lisad123 · 19/09/2012 20:30

Would you have taken the job of you knew?

cansu · 19/09/2012 20:29

I think you need to sit down and ask her straight about this. She absolutely should have told you. She has been unfair to you and to her child as she should have made sure you knew how to help him and how to manage his behaviour.