Childcare with a commute

Personally, I would register with a nursery near work as back up and spend my mat leave trying to arrange a childminder or a nannyshare with another family. The latter can work out really well especially if you have long hours or need flexibility to be able to work late at short notice/train issues. Your child will either already be at home, or can be taken there at the end of the day and the costs split between two families are not much more than a city nursery is going to cost.

I would say that no matter what child care you go for you should try to delay your return for as long as humanly possible, and bear in mind that almost all babies do get sick in nurseries - sniffles, conjunctivitis, D&V, chickenpox, and other miscellaneous viruses and you ideally want to delay that until your baby is a bit less tiny. Nurseries are stricter about taking sick children than CMs, and nannies are more flexible than either (though that's irrelevant if you can't afford one), but either way save up as much holiday as possible for emergency sick cover, find the number of a good emergency nanny agency and set up working from home if at all possible.

There is some persuasive but not definitively probative research suggesting that long hours of group care are really not great for babies (up to 2 or 3 depending on number of hours) and that they are better off with sole consistent carers - ie parent, childminder or nanny. I never mention it on threads where people don't have a choice but I think you might want to look into it; it makes a lot of sense to me from my experience of having a baby in nursery, albeit for shorter hours. To some extent it depends on the staff turnover at your nursery.

But your specific choice is a very 40 hours in nursery vs 60 hours with childminder, and to that extent I think I'd go for the 40 hours nursery, but postpone for as long as possible - can your DH take his parental leave entitlement?

I would try commuting to start with, purely because baby will be close to you during the day - but honestly - I dont think you'll both be able to stick it out in the long term - I may be wrong. I hope I am. Its impossible to say until baby arrives.

I had to leave my job when DS1 was born. There was no way I could commute with him either in a car or on public transport - he would have screamed the place down, puked everywhere and generally have been a very very unhappy baby. We had no CM options nearer home with those hours so I found a new job. Eventually DH also found a new job close to home too as he couldnt bear not seeing DS1 during the week.

As some people have said though - they manage it fine. You get extra time with your little one and they with you. Smashing.

So I would do your research - there may not be any CM available anyway at this point. Get DCs name down for the creche near your work.

Pray you get an angel baby LOL!

Hi there - I was in a similar situation and my daughter is now with a childminder. There were several who were willing to have her for long days (despite stating their hours as 8-6pm in their profiles). Have you registered with childcare.co.uk? I wouldn't try to do a nursery/childminder combination as I think that would complicate the situation, confuse your child and you may have to pay the childminder for the hours where your child is in nursery anyhow.

My daughter had been in nursery before and so I was keen for her to continue in a social environment . I found a childminder who works alongside her sister - it's like a mini nursery.

I did interview a couple of nannies but the additional cost was too much.

I also tried doing my commute with her as there is a nursery at work. She screamed and tried to lie on the floor by the train toilet - I could feel everyone tutting at me and it wasn't even rush hour. You may have thicker skin than me though!

Best of luck. It will work out and you've plenty of time to sort it out

What I meant is it costs £50k of gross income to pay for a full time nanny. Not that people earning £50k can afford one

I earn £50k and there's no bloody way I can afford a F/T nanny. Once my student loans, travel card, pension, mortgage and bills are paid I have £600 a month to buy food, clothes, petrol etc. This isn't a whine, I'm very lucky to have a good job and a nice house, just saying that I couldn't afford a nanny. I have no idea who can tbh.

Anyway, back to the point, I have often commuted with DD1. We both really enjoyed it, and I would far rather have the kids nearby than far away. It's less fun with both kids, as the pushchair becomes a necessity, but if you can carry LO then it's easy really. I just used to whack her into the Connecta, grab my bag and go. If you're lucky enought to have a subsidised nursery, USE IT ;)

It depends where you are going from/to. My trainline is so busy at peak times I would not even consider it.

For those who seemed [shocked] at a nearly 12 hour day - really that's pretty normal for a commuter. I only live in zone 4 and will be out from 8am to 7pm when I go back, and that is if I leave work bang on time - before mat leave I was often out for 14-15 hours (until 32 weeks pregnant with twins). I have a nanny though as its cheaper than nursery for two babies.

And those questioning the cost of a nanny -don't forget the OP is only paid for the hours she works (9-5?) whereas a nanny will of course be paid from the minute she arrives to when she leaves. And nannies are paid out of net wage. You have to earn about £50k just to pay for a full time nanny on £10/hr for 60 hrs a week.

Due to a childcare problem, we've just had to bring 8mo DD in to and across London and then back again today, before DP worked and after I worked. I've just cracked open the wine to try and recover...

Honestly, though, even going just before rush hour hit, going on to the Tube and then train with the pushchair was not fun. And people were nice and nothing was too busy. I think the problem was that in the hour or so of travelling, DD needed both a nap and some food. Now I know this probably wouldn't happen with every journey but you might find that your baby will want something during the journey, and if you're on a reasonably busy train, its not that easy to get the baby out and feed them etc.

I guess that what I'm trying to say is that I didn't feel at any point during the journey that I was having some nice Mummy Time. I felt hot, slightly confused, and mildly panicking that DD might kick off at some point!

I have commuted with one or 2 of my children for 5 years (35 min). It's been fine. I like to be on the spot for illness. They do often sleep in the car home which can be a pain. In my view it is the least worst option if the nursery is good.

Also - meant to say - when your DC is a little bit older, they often get a temp / sniffles that Calpol will solve and enable them to avoid a day off nursery...

if you're near the nursery, you may be able to pop in at lunch etc. to give Calpol, which in my experience was a big plus x

I would say give the commute a trial for a while with your baby; it may work brilliantly..

You say your hubby also commutes... travelling together would take some of the pressure off if you and your hubby both commute, and / or you could take it in turns?

I would have loved to have my DC in a nursery near my work when they were little. You can always change it if it doesn't suit.

Good luck x

oblomov - how do you know if the OP had a top level job - loads of people commute without having one -
also I think she is pregnant so its getting childcare sorted now seems reasonable to me

although many on here say do it, i personally wouldnt

commuting morning and evening can be stressful let alone with a tired child - having done tubes and trains with children when going to london on a day trip can be tiring but its once in a blue moon - to do every day would be my idea of hell

seek childcare nearer home

I agree with EBD.
Presumably you and dh both have top level jobs, with very very good salary's.
You are practically gone from the house for 12 hours. And you said in your first post thta there was no flexibility for you or dh. And yet you can't afford a nanny. something is wrong here.
Plus, surely you should have had this all sorted by now. Near us, people seriosly put their childs name down, as soon as they find out thta they are pregnant, ( before they even know what sex their baby is!!) on a nursery place. Your cutting it a bit fine, to be considering these childcare options now, this really should have been sorted 9 months ago.

So what are you going to do OP?

TB totally honest if I was leaving at 7am and getting back at 6.30pm to do a job that didn't cover the cost of an au pair or a nanny share I would drop the job.

Could you get some part time or freelance work outside London that covered household costs + (much less) childcare and freed you from the guilt and hassle?

Op what kind of commute do you have, train, bus, how long?
I moved ds from a nursery near my house, to a nursery on my worksite. Best thing I ever did. Mind you I commuted by car, so that makes a huge difference.

I have parents with shifts and long work days etc. and although my standard hours as a CM are 8am to 6pm... I work more than that most days... mostly starting from 7am and working till 7-8pm. I have worked till midnight often and done over night care too. CMs are able to be more flexible generally.

We started DD in creche at 13 months and brought her to one near work. She was spending two and a half hours a day in the car. We lasted about two months - we couldn't take the screaming.

Now both kids are in a creche near home from 7:30am till 6:30pm and we're all a lot happier. It does mean we're utterly inflexible in the hours we can work on creche days but it's worth it.

I really wouldn't recommend commuting with an overtired, overstimulated, hungry baby.

I would use the work crèche.

I planned in commuting with my baby, but then I had twins! I couldn't work out the logistics of commuting with two without a buggy, and other child care presented themselves.

If in the future I am faced with FT (long days) nursery for the children or commuting with them, I'd take the commuting option if I can work the logistics. Time on the train with mum or dad is better than more time in nursery I think.

First of all the nursery were bang out of order to critisise you like that.

I think it would be mad of you not to use the work crèche.

The commute could turn into a lovely mummy child experience, get a sling and when older take a napsack with food, books, drinks etc.

Bugger any cats bum miserable fits on the train, babies should be seen and heard... So what.

Be very nice to also know your baby is near you while at work.

I was a cm for years and although I tried to be flexible and smiley when parents were Late pickIng up inside I was fucking pissed off.

Keep bubba with you.

I'd go for the sling option and use the work creche. That way you are there on the spot if needed, and I imagine they will be a little more 'supportive' when it comes to minor illnesses etc.

If the nursery is good where you work I would go for that one. The most likely way you will be held up is on the train, nurseries and childminders charge a fortune if you are twenty mins late.

I don't think its a bad idea - depends a bit on the baby - some would love it - some might find it hard going - long day - wanting to crawl/walk around the train -
I would look at childminders as well and nanny share would be another opition -
and possibly some slight flexiablity would make a bit different - eg some homeworking/starting later /finishing earlier etc - for both you and DH I would suggest

I commute to work from the sticks into the nearest city with my two DC (3.5 and 18 months) and have done since DC2 was 1 year old - and I'm 22 weeks pregnant and will be working until 37 weeks!

We get the train, then two short bus journeys and their nursery is over the road from where I work.

Benefits to this have been when they got chicken pox/diarrhoea/etc I was able to pick them up immediately rather than have them in the nursery for 1 -2 hours while I finished up at work and travelled back.

Also, we recently had a train cancellation due to flooding and I had to go a very convoluted way home on several buses as no trains were running. I was very grateful I had the DC with me rather than worrying about who was going to look after them/the additional cost etc as I ended up being 2 hours late home! (as long as they have food and a couple of books they're fine!). Nurseries are quite strict on this and mine charges £5 for every 5 minutes you're late and will only keep them for an additional 30 minutes! . Even with a childminder being very late could be difficult and costly.

It also means I'm not leaving them in nursery as long as I drop them off later and pick them up earlier than I would do if they were near home and I get to spend more time with them.

As for the actual commute people have got used to us being on the train/bus and I've never had a negative experience (even when they've been playing up!). To be honest, if anyone was rude I'd have bo qualms standing up to them, it just hasn't happened. If anything, people have been lovely and positive.

Oh and I actually enjoy having them there and the one day i go without them to a different hospital it feels very strange!

I think a young baby would be even easier to transport - either in a sling or a pushchair and if it's only temporary (it is for me too as they will start a new local nursery when I go on maternity) it's probably a good option IMO.

All the best!

Ha - crosspost specialmagiclady