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Original poster

CM Club could really do with some opinions about this

55 replies

saltire · 13/03/2006 10:34

I'm a bit reluctant to post this here, but could really do with some opinions from other CM's.It's a bit long, so sorry.

I have two brothers that i mind, some weeks its every day, other weeks its only 1 or 2 days. The oldest is 2, he will be 3 in four months time. The younger brother is 14months. Mindee1 doesn't talk much, is still in nappies and is very clumsy. When he talks he doesn't string a sentence together, he will say
"oobble babble dabble Thomas babble babble"
or Babble babble car babble etc. He is still, as i said in nappies, and doesn't even know when he has wet in them or pooed in them ( as opposed to my part time 18month old who knows when seh's wet her nappy and will tell me). He is also very clumsy,if there is a toy on the floor he will trip over it, or stand on it, in fact he never steps over anything, he just stands on them, and trips over them. When we are out, every third or fourth step he trips, or he will repeadtedly walk in front of the buggy and trip over the wheels.
When its feeding time, his 14month old brother will sit in the high chair and feed himself quite well, as will the 18month old when i have her. However, Mindee 1 doesn't seem to know what to do with the food, probably not helped by some of the crap his mum sends for lunch mind. For example, if she sends soup, he just sticks his fingers in and trys to lick it off, if its a sandwich he puts it flat in the palm of his hand, and tries to eat it that way. He will also sneak up to the other kids and try and pinch their food.
I know they have problems with his sleeping. He never slept when he was a baby for more than 2 hours in a 12 hour period, and now he won't go to bed, he just screams the place down so they let him play in the living room until he falls asleep, which she says is sometimes as late as midnight, then she wakens him at 6 to get ready to come to me. Could this be having an effect on his develpoment? I have given her leaflets about the sleep clinic and asked her to talk to her HV about it, but as of this time she hasn't done anything about it.
I had my Care Commission Inspection last week, and we were going over the Care Standards, one of which was the one that covers observations of children etc. She was there while the brothers were, and she commented on mindee1, and said that she thought he was a very slow developer. She asked if i had mentioned his talking/potty training etc to his parents. I have told his mum to send pants and pull ups and i will help with potty training but she said he's not ready as they have tried and he didn't have a clue. I have also mentioned the talking, but she's very sort of.....how can i put this. If she hears him say a word shes all excited and jumps round the house, but doesn't then encourage him to try and say it again, and yet i know they talk to him a lot at home. She also thinks its normal for an almost three year old to only have a vocabulary of 6 words, but my own Ds are 8 and 6 so i cannot remember whats normal

Anyway, my CC inspector said that i have a duty to contact the local HV and aske her to come out and observe the child when he is with me, and she will then be able to bring the subject up with his parents as he will be due an assessment soon. My CC inspector said that going by her own children, and friends children he was very behind with his development and she had concerns about his clumsiness as well.
I was shocked at this as i feel she is asking me to go behind the parents backs on this, what about confidentiality etc. I am a bit uncomfortable about this and would really apprecitate some advice as to what othet CMs would do in the same situation. I know i run the risk of being shouted at, but i could really do with the opinions of other CMs, just to see what they would do? Do i go ahead and contact the HV? Please don't be nasty to me, i'm really stressing over this.

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HappyMumof2 · 13/03/2006 11:05

speak to his mum. I know it's hard but you must do it. She may even be wanting you to mention it, so she doesn't have to. Most parents find it really hard to acknowledge something could be wrong with their child but when an 'outsider' says something it makes it more real and they have to deal with it. It's not like you are just going up to someone you hardly know and saying it, you care for the child on a daily basis, you do have a 'right' and duty to express your opinion.

I was in exactly this situation with a previous mindee, and in the end I actually had to let her go as I felt I just couldn't do it anymore. Afterwards, when I talked to the mum, she acknowledged the problem and said she felt there was something wrong too. The child is now in nursery, where I assume it will have been picked up on, or if not, maybe she will be developing better there with more staff etc and outside input. I just couldn't do it, as I have my own dd to think about and she was a bit confused by her behaviour.

(I think previous mindee is on the autistic spectrum by the way - or aspergers, which may be a possibility for your mindee by the sound of it)

Good Luck Smile

HenniPenni · 13/03/2006 11:01

Saltire, I don't think that anybody is going to shout at you, I can see from your post that you are worried about his developement.

I'm not experienced enough to offer you any advise and to be honest I don't know what I'd do in this situation,To me I would also feel that it would be a breach of confidentuality to go to the HV behind the parents back, but at the same time it sounds that the childs developement is delayed and he does need an assessment. How would his mum react if you were to mention that the inspector had picked up these concerns?

Sorry that I can't be of anymore help.

jellyjelly · 13/03/2006 11:01

Cant post much but i would talk to the hv as you have concerns. my ds was speech delayed and now has an outstanding vocab and can name most types of cars on the road. Having a vocab of 6 words is not normal. The clumsiness could be linked to a condition called dyspraxia (was covered in my sed needs training).

If it helps you my ds who is just over 3 (jan) huge vocab, not potty trained and isnt showing signs but will get there, can feed himself but wont eat wet things, can jump with both feet but not hop, climbs well - up ladders, over, down can dress himself but struggles with zips and can get very frustrated.

I hope that this has helped in some way, have you dont birth to three? to try and get the age levels ok and to get pointers?

Jensmum · 13/03/2006 11:01

If it was me I'd speak to the mum and tell her what the inspector said, then contact the HV.

For someone else to pick up on it as well as you he must be showing signs of delayed development, and whatever you do you will be doing it for the sake of the child.

Sorry not much help, hopefully someone more experienced will be along to help you.

Good luck

Kidstrack2 · 13/03/2006 10:55

i'm taking from your post you are in scotland, i'm just setting up, so prob haven't got good advice, but recently when i was at a pre reg course on childminding we were told that its our duty to protect and look out for the children we care for(child protection), inc if you thought that the child had slow development, however it was up to us as a childminder how we approached the parent/hv. I totally agree about your concerns, he does seem very slow for his age