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My last day of employment was a nightmare

57 replies

bettina46 · 27/07/2012 13:10

Hi, I feel devastated. I didn't get a reference. What did I do wrong?
Yesterday was my last day of my employment as a nanny. I arrived with thank you cards, a bottle of wine and a big box of chololates for the parents and a present for the little one. It was something very special for him and I will never forget how happy he was when he opened it. When I came up with those things the lady was lying on the floor playing with her son and didn't bother to stand up. Her husband collected those things from me. She said thank you but looked offended and went upstairs to have a shower. Later on she gave me a card sighed by her husband and herself, another card sighed by her son and a photo of the child in a frame and and left for work without saying goodbye. Both parents came back home exactly at the time I was supposed to finish work, said thank you for organising another exciting day for their child, the boy said "You won't come again?" And his mummy said : "She won't come again unless to say hello". I felt really miserable when I heard that, I gave them their keys back and left. I know she is not happy with me at my leaving but I didn't expect her to behave like that.

I was their nanny for 2 years and started looking after the child when he was a little baby. They liked me because although I'm not a native speaker I've got a uni degree and I was a teacher back in my country.
I loved reading books with my liitle charge, doing arts and crafts, attended groups and classes, went on regular trips often with other nannies and their charges, organised plenty of play-dates, cooked lunches from fresh ingredients only and did everything else I was asked for but first of all I loved the child with all my heart and gave him as much attention as I could. The child was not allowed to watch TV - he didn't, was not allowed to have sweeets or biscuits - he didn't, had to have his afternoon nap in his cot - he did. I obeyed all the rules and did not do anything against parents' wish.
In the first year I felt that I had a very good relationship with the parents but that changed in the autumn last year when I was told that I had to work back 8 days. I worked 4 days a week, Monday to Thursday and had 16 days paid holiday + Bank Holidays (I chose 2 weeks they chose the rest). My employers had obviously more days off from their work and last year they went away for 6 weeks (24 of my working days). After that they asked me to work 8 Fridays for free to make up those days they were on holidays. I thought it was not fair but I worked those 8 days. And I often worked on Friday and got another day off at a very short notice. Meanwhile my finacial situation got worse (my husband didn't have a job for a while) and I told my employers that I would be more than happy to work also on Fridays or do some babysitting to earn more money. As they could not offer me more work I started doing babysitting for other people. My employers were not happy about this and were not as nice to me as they were before. I found a permament babysiting for every Friday and could not do ad hoc Friday work for my 4-day family. At the beginning of this year I was offered a full time job from the new family and I accepted. I've got two children at school age on my own, huge bills to pay and I really needed full-time job and more money. I gave 3-month notice and gave them contact details to 2 friends of mine who would take up the job after I leave. My employers decided not to employ another nanny but to work from home from September as the boy will start nursery then. I don't understand why they didn't give me references.
I would appreciate your comments.

OP posts:
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lambethlil · 27/07/2012 13:47

Please don't be upset about them not giving a reference. You mention English not being your first language- were you expecting them to give a you an envelope there and then? IME that's not how it's done here. If and when you need a reference, you contact them and ask if you can uses them as a referee. They are then contacted directly by your new employer.

As for the card/ gift and leaving-it sounds as if they were just a little preoccupied about you going.

BobbiFleckman · 27/07/2012 13:41

is it the first time they have had a nanny? maybe they're a little freaked out by the situation and how it's goign to affect their child, and in focussing on that they are leaving you out of the picture. I say this from experience... I had no idea how to handle our nanny leaving after two years - was so worried about how my children would cope.
We didn't have a reference ready to hand over on the last day either and wrote one shortly after and posted it - and it was of course a good one. Oddly enough I think a short distance from her made us properly sit and reflect what it should say and how good she'd been.
Being a nanny in someone's home is very different from a normal employment situation, and it's hard not to take things personally on both sides.
Even though you have a new job, you do need a written reference from them and you need to drop them a note asking for it in a couple of days' time.
for what it's worth, we now see our old nanny and she has the children over to play at the weekend and it's all very happy (would be nicer if she was still current nanny but hey)

savoycabbage · 27/07/2012 13:35

It sounds like you did a terrific job. Even if you asked for a reference they wouldn't necessarily gave it ready on the last day. Often people wouldn't do one until they were asked by somebody else, the person you were getting a job from.

Can you not work as a teacher in the uk?

pinkdelight · 27/07/2012 13:30

Also sorry you're upset. But reading it objectively, it doesn't sound like a nightmare. They gave you cards and a present and what they said showed they were happy for you to come back and see your charge on a friendly basis. These transitions can be really sad and they may have been restraining their emotions or not wanting to make a big deal and risk upsetting their child. They probably assumed that you didn't need a reference as you had got another job (presumably) without one, but if you ask, there seems no reason why they wouldn't oblige. But reference issue aside, it all seems pretty normal to me. Okay they weren't lovely about it, but they were employers, not friends. Course they were nicer when everything was going well, but as you illustrate, it all comes down to money ultimately and your needs didn't match theirs. Can't expect them to be thrilled about it.

HolyCameraConfusionBatman · 27/07/2012 13:20

tbh I've never, ever known a family to hand over a reference on the day you leave! It's not normally needed until you're applying for a another job. Just get in touch and ask them to send you one when they get time. Most employers will want to speak to the family anyway, so the main reference will be over the phone.

HalloweenDuck · 27/07/2012 13:15

Sorry to hear you are upset.
But to be blunt, did you ask for a reference or even talk about it at all? if you were already heading to another job maybe they just didnt think you would want/ need it.

vintagewhine · 27/07/2012 13:12

Did you ask for one?

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