Suprised at CM's request. What to say?

HappyMummyofOne often pops into childminder threads to assure one and all that she would never use a childminder, so she doesn't understand, or appreciate, how childminders work.

I've taken my minded children to sports days before, both for my own kids and for minded kids. We make flags to wave and they love cheering on the child in question.
The child in question has always been proud of their mini fan club cheering them on.
Sleeps have been in the car on the way back, in the pushchair, or on an area of the picnic rug. They get the chance to run in the siblings race and to feel part of a school and community they may soon belong to.

well i took 2 mindees 32 months and 26 months and my 8 month old to my dd sports day 2 weeks ago. the 32month old doesnt sleep anyway so we usually just read we stories do jigsaws we half hr of tv while i clear up from lunch. the 26month does usually have a sleep after lunch. i put him dwn in pram after his lunch he fell asleep before we left so he was sleeping at least 30/40 mins b4 we left house we then walked round to school, the 26month old stayed asleep for the 1st we while then woke up and was happy to sit and watch all the school children. the 32 month old enjoyed it she ran up and dwn with her we friend from toddler group who was there the 26month old came out the pram and was happy to sit on grass. it was a really great, friendly atmosphere all children enjoyed it . i hadnt informed parents before hand that we were going to go to sports day. i told them at pick up time and all parents were fine with it. i would just class it as an other outing (i have consent to take on outing without notice) as every outing is a learning experience so they did learn about having run while doing sports from watching the other children, they seen the children encouraging each other all this is a learning experience.

It's such a shame that the CM may feel uneasy about the sports day now. I have great parents that chose a CM entirely for the home environment. It's great to be able to have freedom with the children but ensuring the LO's do have routine but allowing some flexibility for days out and random park visits if it's a glorious afternoon. I get no complaints about the odd broken sleep as I do my job as I see fit. I am proud of the fact that CM's can offer this. As some posters have mentioned, when you get to DC 2/3 and so on you have to become less precious about things.

I agree the OP needs a nanny. I expect she'll be looking for one soon too as if I were her childminder I would definately be giving notice asap.

Children with older siblings do this sort of thing. MY DC3 - who is the same age as your DC doesn't really get a quiet time. He naps in car/buggy if he needs it otherwise he comes along and joins in the fun.

So I think yabu. The cm has given you some good options. I think your DD will enjopy it, I know DS2 did last week. He had a ball and then napped in the car on the way home. No problem.

Yabu, it is one day and she had the decency to ask.

A CM setting is a home environment. OP you chose a CM knowing she had a child/children which may come with a school run each day and the CM having the odd time where she has to deal with her own child. A sports day really isnt the end of the world, we're talking a couple of hrs in an afternoon, once a year. A nearly 3 yr old will sleep if they are tired or the CM may be able to give her some rest or a cat nap beforehand. Yes, parents pay for a service but we're not a nursery, we offer what a family environment involves. There have been a couple of occasions when I've attended a mindee's school assembly or stayed at a party as their parent couldn't take them. There needs to be some flexibility and a parent should consider before using a CM with young children if they mind the odd time where a CM may need to meet the needs of their own child. If it doesn't sit well with you then a nursery is an alternative. But you realise that sleep may not happen at all in a nursery environment.

The CM in question is supplying a service though - she is providing a balanced, home life for a child, whilst the Mum is not able to. Many of us have said that they would consider it a very nice thing for a toddler to do on a Summer's afternoon. Things like this are exactly why so many people choose CMs over a Nursery, which can't do the 'going out and about' in quite the same way.

Happymummy - surely the care and wellbeing and nurture of your child is the foremost consideration - not the "supply of a service" and "the putting out of a client" Very clinical !

I dont think YABU, perhaps you need to look at other childcare settings more suitable to your childs needs.

I'd never use a CM for various reasons but this is one of them, when being paid to supply a service then they need to do that not put the client out by doing what they should do in personal time.

Elephants oh no I didn't mean you regarding avoiding tantrums!

It was something the OP mentioned.

YABU If you want someone who will rigidly follow a routine then you need a nanny not a CM. CMs have to balance the needs of all children in their care (including their own) so sometimes routines need to change.
Missing a nap for one afternoon will not harm your DD and she'll have a lovely time at the sports day. My 2yo DDs CM often has day trips out in the school holidays when she has older children all day. Yes it means DDs routines are interrupted and she comes back grumpy but so what, sometimes you have to deal with grumpy children, it's part of parenting.

Amber I never made my DD nap to avoid temper tantrums! She would sleep 2.5-3 hours in the day then 12 hours at night. She is now 7 and still can't cope with "late" nights. She just needed more sleep, still does. My 2 DSs are different though and need less sleep. So I just try to do my best, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.
Re the day trips, of course we still did them, we just accepted that she would be be overtired and grumpy.

Your DD will have fun, but YANBU to ask if there will be space for her to rest if she wants to, in a pushchair, on a blanket on the grass, or wherever.

Or maybe she could sleep through lunch and take a picnic to the sports day.

I am a CM and it was my DS and DD's sports day yesterday. My DH booked the day off work so that he could go and watch. Loads of my parents encouraged me to take my minded children so that I didn't miss out, so I did...and it was a complete nightmare!!!!

I had a 4 year old, a 2 and a half year old and a 1 year old. 1 yr old was fine in the buggy, 4 year old joined in and the 2 year old was grumpy and completely unco-operative because he was tired and needed a nap. To top it off my DD (5) threw a tantrum because she's a Daddy's girl.

Ordinarily I would agree with every one else and to miss an odd nap is not really a problem and childminder's are very good a coping with and calming little's one who are out of their routine as it's part of our job - Although I don't think I'll be going along next year!!!

OK, so I have a religious napper (nearly 3). 2 hours. Always. And almost always in a cot. So I totally get what you're saying about grumpy child later on in the day.

But...It's a one off. If your DD is super tired she may well nap in the car on the way back home from the event. I don't really understand why a buggy isn't an option either tbh (surely it can go in the car and if really necessary she could nap at the sports event). And as a PP says, yes, she might be grumpy later on, but I would imagine that there are days when she is a bit grumpy anyway (unless she is a totally abnormal toddler) and that's just one of those things that is a part of toddler life. Like learning how to deal with different situations. Or she might totally surprise you and be absolutely fine. Either way, I am sure she'll have fun at the sports day and surely that should be your priority. Let her have quiet time after you pick her up. It's a lovely, different, experience for her to have.

When you have more than one DC you have to work your way around this kind of thing all the time. Tomorrow I'm off to a fun event with MY friends. DS is nearly always in bed in the afternoon. But because I want to have fun with my mates, tomorrow we will all have to cope. Somehow. We're taking a buggy - maybe he'll sleep in that. Or on the sofa at my friend's house. Or maybe he won't sleep at all. Maybe he'll have a hissy fit. Or maybe he'll be the life and soul of the party all afternoon. Time will tell. Poor DD on the other hand will just slot in. I'm not worried about her at all!!!

YA definitely BU. Sorry.

I cannot understand why you'd use a childminder and then be so unreasonable about her taking your DD out and about. If you want fixed naps get a nanny. really. YABVU

yes, part of home based childcare is engaging with the wider community and I would put sports day firmly in that bracket

Hi, I am a childminder with 10 years experience. I have been lurking on these boards for a while and now after reading more and more of these threads I feel I just have to comment!!

Yes, you are being unreasonable. Totally and utterly.

Parents are becoming more and more outragous in their requests of childminders I have found recently and I think that is what is putting more and more of us off the profession.

Your childminder has given you two options. Your daughter is nearly 3 and actually shouldn't really need a sleep, at least not every day. A school sports day is a lovely experience for a child and it sounds like your childminder is doing a good job.

If it doesn't suit you, maybe you could take a day off work?!

If it's a car journey then surely she will sleep in the car, a d can be transferred into a buggy?

I'm also surprised that you think your CM is unreasonable in her request. YABU and I agree with cock a doodle doo.

I think she is being totally reasonable and that she should sometimes put the needs of her own children first. It will quite often be the case Im sure that she will put your childs needs before her own.

YABU

Apart from anything else your DD will have a fab time at sports day- doing something special with her "CM auntie" is great.

So the only plans that are being ruined are a trip to the park with DD1??

YABU.

She could fall asleep in the car, she could be put in the buggy after the car journey.