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Original poster

Just a slight annoyance.

33 replies

mumo3g · 27/06/2012 19:32

Mum comes to pick up child from ours. I told her that we had to wake her up from the cot because of going out to one of these inside soft play centres. She comments that her child hasn't had her nap properly on Wednesday's for a while. I said it's down to ratio's. She looked miffed by this. Sometimes we are unable to give this child a nap at all depending on how long this child takes on lunch.

The issue we have is that DH has to do 1-1 care with a autistic child but that leaves me with 3 children, one of whom needs the activity too. I can't just pander to the needs of the one child when others need attention. Couldn't expect him to be quietly playing while the child naps he is very active or the other baby to be quiet too. The child had 30mins nap today which was all we could do before having to go out to collect the autistic child.

Sometimes I wish I could give notice to this family as the mum demands a lot. Wouldn't know how though.

OP posts:
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MyBestfriendsWedding · 28/06/2012 12:48

Without wanting to offend you OP, it's threads like yours that give a terrible impression of CM's. I'm glad for the child you have a solution planned. A lot of young children need their sleep to function happily for the afternoon. I would not be doing my job properly if I didn't plan ahead and accommodate for all my minded children.

longjane · 28/06/2012 12:28

that is good idea mumo3g
hope it all works out for you

DontTellHimPike · 28/06/2012 11:30

Well done for finding a solution OP, that sounds sensible. Are you going to let the mother know that you're doing this, so she understands you're making an effort to get it sorted?

Might be an idea to start another thread here asking how other CMs have given notice, and what to write/say, as you said you didn't know how to go about it? Just so you're prepared if you need to change the setup in the future.

Original poster
mumo3g · 28/06/2012 11:22

Thank you for all your comments. I've started the process of making my daughter an assistant so this isn't an issue anymore. She won't be able to be left alone with the sleeper until she has done her first aid but she will be able to go with my DH while I stay at home with the baby and sleeper.

OP posts:
cory · 28/06/2012 10:51

All the CMs I have known have been able to cater for a group of older and younger children and still meet reasonable needs.

But they have done this by having a rough routine which parents have been informed of beforehand-so if you couldn't fit with that routine, you chose a different childminder. I would not have been impressed if changes in routine had meant that my children were suddenly missing out on sleep they needed. As part of the professionalism of a CM I would expect clear information on how s/he was proposing to meet sleeping needs and/or activity needs: I'd expect this to be in the handout.

redglow · 28/06/2012 09:27

Agree you are not suited to each other.

forevergreek · 28/06/2012 07:03

Do you not say to parents ' this is our rough routine' ie morning is activity, lunch, nap/ quiet time and then activity after before dinner'

Surely they must know if a child attends 12-3 that they are unlikely to be marching through the woods or having a music lesson.

RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief · 28/06/2012 06:52

I can see that her schedule doesn't really work in a multi-child set up.

i.e. if the child arrives at 12 (assume this is lunchtime), then has lunch, and then needs a 2.5 hr nap, then you can't leave the house before 3 for the afternoon, BUT I think you need to discuss this with the mother and explain that it's just not do-able. Sounds like it's just not going to work.

I'd politely give notice.

minderjinx · 28/06/2012 06:34

Mum03g, I can only agree that if you are not able to make changes to meet the two year old's needs and make provision for her sleep requirements, then you need to part company. If you have taken on too much in the sense that the children you have are not a good mix then one has to go.

But I can also understand how hard it is to please everyone. I had a little girl afternoons only and some days she would come having slept all morning and be raring to go; others she would be dropped off with strict instructions that she must sleep all afternoon as she'd been out all morning (all of which completely at odds with the "routines" I was told about when setting up the childcare agreement). We never knew whether we were coming or going and it was really hard to plan anything and make sure the other children's interests were not affected. I was so pleased when they moved and am now very wary of agreeing to take a child for half days - at least if you have a whole day there is more scope to vary nap and meal times to suit everyone better. Anyway, I am just saying in a roundabout way that in answer to those who are quick to say you should not have taken the child on, that sometimes parents are not completely honest about what they need or expect and spring new demands on you once they start, perhaps knowing that you will find it hard to say no once you are attached to the child and vice versa.

Rubirosa · 27/06/2012 23:04

You should be able to provide adequate space and time for children to sleep - a 2 hour nap for a 2 year old doesn't sound that unreasonable to me.

It sounds like you have too many children with differing needs for you to be able to meet all those needs - I think you'd be best explaining that to the mother so she can find alternative care.

DontTellHimPike · 27/06/2012 22:46

It sounds like you're not the right fit for this child - give the mother notice and time to find an alternative cm. She wants you to make sure her child naps, you frequently find you can't accommodate it.
Bad match, and not really fixable, so time for you to part ways.

I agree with everyone above btw, the mother doesn't seem to be asking for anything unreasonable. If you think she is, then that's simply another sign that you aren't the right cm for this particular child.

Original poster
mumo3g · 27/06/2012 22:34

O.k I didn't expect this responce. The child that we have to wake is 2.5 and mum wants her to have a 2 + hour sleep. She only arrives at our house at lunchtime for the afternoon. The autistic child is still in nappy's and because of families culture they don't want my DH to change her nappy.

You can't expect me to only have the children in the garden while she naps? If the weather is good then fine but what if it's teeming down with rain or other adverse conditions?

The way our place is set out the sleeping area is next to the lounge but there is no door. (no can't put one up there.)

We do the best we can with this child as we do with all our children. We don't do it for the money. We are entitled to apply for more money for the autistic child but we don't.

When we say 1-1 we take turns with the autistic child. He does the main of the care yes but when she comes to me he takes the other children who mainly run about doing their own thing. (apart from baby of course, whoever looks after him stays with him.)

OP posts:
longjane · 27/06/2012 22:31

the other thing would be to to assistant in for wed /afternoon so this child can sleep
i know the 1 to 1 child is going soon so you change you times around a bit

rufusnine · 27/06/2012 22:24

Sleep is an essential part of most babies days. as a childminder you need to factor this in as part of your duty of care to that child surely! No one would say " Sorry i didn't change the babies nappy today because i couldn't fit it into my schedule" would they? All children need to be given the appropriate care for their age/development and IMO having a child needing a nap trumps a visit to a soft play area.

longjane · 27/06/2012 22:01

if you have to do pick ups you have to.

eastmidlandsnightnanny · 27/06/2012 20:45

our childminders routine is group/activity mornings, lunch, followed by nap, school run and home for small tea then I collect at 4.30pm and others collect 5/5.30pm.

As parents we also tend to do biggger activities morning then lunch and nap - mostly thats at home but sometimes in buggy if we are out and then afternoons are quiter in general.

wishiwasonholiday · 27/06/2012 20:40

I agree too that why can't your dh pick the child up and it's not fair the other child doesnt get a sleep to go to soft play. If it were my child I wouldn't be happy. I'm a cm and we tend to do morning activities and nap after lunch as it suits the children I have.

eastmidlandsnightnanny · 27/06/2012 20:39

you cant cater to one childs needs I agree but you are pandering to one childs needs in that you all left the house for a single child with special needs whom your husband is the 1:1 carer so you had no reason to wake a sleeping child to go so can not justify that.

Think you need to carefully consider ofsted ratio numbers are a maximum and not everyone can deal with those max numbers effectivley

the childminder we uses only has 2 under 2 on any one day although she could have 3 under 3 which she does on one day she didnt want 3 under the age of 2 as it would be challenging and she didnt feel she would meet all the childrens needs - one reason I chose her as I admired her honesty and felt she was putting the childrens best interest before her income.

JustFabulous · 27/06/2012 20:21

And I think you need to think how to give notice quick because if you can't do that it isn't going to be great for the kids and their families.

PatriciaHolm · 27/06/2012 20:17

She's not demanding a lot, she's asking that you cater to her child's needs, not put him at the bottom of your list of considerations! Sounds as if you would both be better off if she left and found someone who would look after him properly.

SauvignonBlanche · 27/06/2012 20:17

Can't the poor thing sleep in another room?

bamboostalks · 27/06/2012 20:15

You are out of order on this.

forevergreek · 27/06/2012 20:09

soft play is for free time, nap time = not free

LingDiLong · 27/06/2012 20:06

OP, how old is the child and how long does the mother want them to nap for? Why the urgency for the soft play centre?

HolyCameraConfusionBatman · 27/06/2012 19:57

A child who needs a nap can't have one if they take too long eating their lunch? I wonder what Ofsted would make of that policy?