is it unreasonable to expect aupair to offer to help with dinner if its day off?

Blessings on the au-pairs whose kindness & good manners are still at work on their days off!

Truthfully though, how would you react if you were expected to go into work on your day(s) off? Apart from the indignation (unless you have a choice and actually need/want to go into work), everyone needs some rest and some me-time, right?

Celtic, this seems to be the norm here with au pairs - to leave them in charge of the kids while the parents gallivant off ski-ing or whatever for a week and not to pay them any extra. Our au pair's friend regularly does this for her family's three children and the youngest is only 18 months. We've left our 2 with our au pair for a weekend,but paid her handsomely for the "pleasure" of it.

As a live-in nanny, I would often offer to help with meals and such like in the evenings/days I was 'off duty' but hanging around the house not doing much. There is no way I can have someone else cook my meal and just expect it to appear on my plate for me. In my own family, I was always involved in preparing meals, and at least twice a week, the whole meal by myself for many years so I guess it is second nature to me. Same as I can't bear to see a crying baby/child or a mother struggling or an old lady trying to push a shopping trolley unsuccessfully and so on. I would really expect her to pitch in and help, even if it was laying the table

Ks your Au Pair sounds fab...must admit I really like ours after previous bad experience she's like breath of fresh air. She's integrated really well just muck in and gets jobs done.

I was gob smacked when I got her reference from her last German family they said that they had often left her with 3 children for 1 week whilst on holiday and found her to be totally responsible. I ask her about this the other night, apart from taking advantage, she said they never even offered to pay her extra, how awfull!!

It surprised me, but I think it was the age and she does tend toward an independant personality. She was almost two when the last nanny departed. She would talk about her absense for a week or so, but it was a pretty matter of fact conversation. As DD will be 3 1/2 when current nanny leaves, I think she will miss her more.

We'll see....

ks it sme
t ell us tell us

Jesus, uwila, that's a bit scary, don't you think? Did your dd make no connection at all with the people who were responsible for her? That would concern me, I think.

CD, I think children are more resilient than we expect them to be. I've gone through one childminder and three nanny's. With each change, I worried about the effect on DD. But, each time she took it in stride and hardly noticed. When our last nanny left (after almost a year) I was quite concerned. But on the day she left, DD walked into her room, saw it was empty, and said "[nanny's name} gone." And that was it. No rown. No tear. Just very matter of fact.

I would have been crap au pair. I don't like children (except mine and a few select others). The thought of being a childminder brings me out in hives.

where is she from
ks
tell us tesll us is he lovely
whats is she oging to do when she finihses au pairing

is she as tudent

I aupaired once
i was fab au pair

Sansouci, we are in touch still with the very first nanny we had, and our last au pair. We will stay in touch with this one when she goes, as she is lovely. Yes, the children do miss them, but can speak on the phone, write and exchange photos (and they do), and we have seen our last au pair since she left us. We have only had one disaster in the form of an evil, evil, lazy nanny, whom we don't want to see again ever.

that is why i haven't

have had sam e nanny since dd born

Au pairs stay for about a year, right? Isn't it awfully hard on the host family to have to switch over & over? Heartbreaking for the dc.

am thinking of one must say

Yes, KS, I am Slutmummy too. Now pay someone to do the ironing - worth every penny, but can't afford cleaner on top as well.

oh okay. just shows you how much I know about aupairs. what a thankless task it sounds!

"At least my kids know who I am..."

Hmmm...

Hang on a sec, Rhubarb (you nasty sour fruit - or are you a vegetable?).

Au pairs do "light housework and some childcare."
Nannies do no housework at all (as a rule), but only do childcare.

Neither are on duty 24 hours a day 7 days a week. So who does the rest of the time - the early mornings, the evenings, the night times, the holidays - in fact most of the time that the children are not at school? Oh, it must be Mummy who looks after the children in the evening, washes floors, cleans windows and does shedloads of washing. As well as supporting the family financially.

Do my kids know who I am? Too bloody right they do. Who do they ask for when they're tired or unwell? Well, it's not the effing au pair, I'll tell you that.

Shame on you.

yes that is her

omg you have an au pair ks you dark dark horsey old horse

Off course an Au pair is part of the family be definition ( on par to, treat as family member)there for act like one, and is not classified as employee's.