Parents sending children to cm while they are on holiday themselves

oh dear. some people don't understand the basic tenats of feminism, and that the 'theories' are not just some academic mumbo jumbo. It's not the baby thats the 'shackle' dear it's the concept and widely accepted belief that women and only women do the childcare. That right there is the shackle

Aargh but it doesn't mean more time at the CM - its the same amount off time. And as someone else pointed may mean that she can get stuff done which would otherwise be done on the weekend. If she does it on her day off it might mean that she can have an entire weekend free with her dc.

AThingInYourLife can you reference correctly please? Nobody has called the child a shackle.

Thank you.

Unless we know differently I think we have to assume that this mother who is taking one day to herself needs that time and that she has weighed up the pros and cons of her personal situation.

One assumes she's a capable adult?

"The mother is working long hours plus caring for a small baby on her own, she deserves a day off."

The baby is doing very long hours in childcare and rarely sees her parents.

What does she deserve?

Or as a "shackle" is she even worth consideration?

I was delighted to get back to work after DD1, but once I had made the choice to spend that much time away from her I prioritised spending time with her when I wasn't at work.

Just like her Dad did from the time he went back to work.

Maybe this woman really does need a break more than anything, but it's still sad for the baby that the break means even more time in childcare.

Many FT jobs aren't 37hours a week anymore especially in a recession and she may have a commute on top of that.

But it's none of my bloody business anyway

60 hours a week is a lot of time to spend at a CM though, I mean I work ft have done since DCs were babies but I think if I worked that many hours I'd be inclined to keep them at home on a day off.

Who goes to work for a break?

Must get me one of those jobs.

So let's say she has to work to keep a roof over their heads, let's say she had an urgent appointment (medical, legal, job interview, funeral whatever) and she knew she need to deal with that and the aftermath, let's say the baby is a poor sleeper and she is exhausted
This is no more speculation than those suggesting she doesnt like spending time with them
It's no ones business and I can't believe how many are judging her with no knowledge of her life

It should be an obligation for parents Cailin. The reality is that the obligation falls on mothers. I would like it to be different.

Cailin that explains your attitude. Thankfully we are not all like your mother, so don't assume we are.

"The obligation on women to raise children is a shackle." The obligation is on parents to raise children. If people don't want to be parents then the obvious option is not to become parents. The idea that child rearing is somehow nothing more than a hurdle for feminism is really quite bizarre - there is an actual real child involved, it's not just theoretical concept. The child, naturally, wants their parents. To dismiss that in favour of having a day off to get a haircut shows a strange set of priorities IMO.

cailin really? She's not dossing about for those 60 hrs - she's working. Then goes home to look after her child, being woken who knows how many times, then wakes to repeat the whole cycle again. Alone. I cannot believe the judgemental attitude you have - you'd swear the woman abandoned her child at the local homeless shelter to go on the piss and endulge her coke habit.

And yes, before you ask, my ds is at the cm today whilst I'm at home. I have exams to revise for and I can't do it while he's here. I also don't see him during the day for days at a time because I'm at work. So nice to know that there are people like you out there judging me for it.

AThing you seem quite keen on my posts but I think you are reading things into them that aren't there. Where have I said spending time with my child is "shit" and comes after other stuff? And since when does routine equal doing the same things 7 days a week?

Being a good parent means making sure the child is looked after, happy and loved. If taking some time to oneself to have a rest or a little "me-time" (hate that phrase but it sums it up enough) means the time spent with the child is quality time where's the harm in that?

AThing stop being so obtuse. Sometimes us FT working mothers like to have some time to ourselves. It doesn't mean that we think spending time with our DC is 'shit'

The mother is working long hours plus caring for a small baby on her own, she deserves a day off.

My mother used to talk a lot about how she looked forward to going back to work for a break from looking after my sister and I, and how she "doesn't get on with babies" etc. I thought she was unusual but from reading MN I know she isn't and it makes me sad that so many parents see their children as such a chore that getting away from them is a big priority, even to the the extent that it's considered ok for a parent who works 60 hours a week to still send a very young baby to childcare on their day off. It was always patently obvious to me that my mother didn't enjoy being a mum and that her free time was always a priority. We have practically no relationship now. IMO she can't just turn around now that I'm an adult and can look after myself and decide she wants a relationship after all. I needed a mother when I was young, and she wasn't there for me, so I don't consider her a mother at all.

I actually like being with my DS and while the odd afternoon away from him is great I do really miss him. I don't consider him a chore, I consider him a little person who depends on me, who is great fun and who I have the privilege of seeing growing up day by day.

"Have any of you judgy types considered that maybe sending the baby to childminder or nursery as normal is best for the child? Many children like their routine and get terribly unsettled if it's disrupted."

That's a load of bollocks.

By that argument she should take the baby to the CM at weekends too and never take her out for holidays.

I find this thread utterly bizarre.

I have used FT childcare since my first child was 3.5 months old.

But apparently I'm some kind of throwback for thinking that it's not ideal for babies to spend 60 hours a week in childcare, and that the first priority on a rare day off should be spending time with the baby, not "me time" for the mother.

I'm also pregnant and at work while my two children are at the CM.

That doesn't mean I think spending time with them is shit and comes after cutting the grass and going to the hairdresser.

I have a full time nanny as i work full time. However I do sometimes take a half day off specifically so i can do some of the fun things that she gets to do with my kids! then either I do something with all of them (and nanny) or I do something with one or two of them so I can have special time with them and she has the other one or two.

I have very rarely used maybe a couple of hours of that to get things done for myself that I would find very difficult to do with 3 children under 5 in tow. Once it was to go to a funeral, another time to see a very sick relative. Once to get my hair done (for the first time in 9 months)

It does not mean that I am lazing around sleeping but to be honest if, on a very rare occassion I was very feeling exhausted, ill, run down, having been up 5 times a night with ill children and trying to do a full time job, and were starting to get ratty with everyone, then having a few hours to myself child free would probably be a very good use of time to turn me back into a happy, less tired mummy!

You don't know this mummy's reasons for doing this.

I think I would be more worried if this were a regular occurrence. And some people don't necessarily have quite the same close bond as others do...

I work FT and occasionally manage to get a day off in the week. It's always spent in a manic catching up session of housework/paying bills/food shopping so that come the weekend I can have two full days with DD without having to break off to do other chores. I think that is a better deal for her (and me).

There was an occasion when I had spent all day washing floors and deep cleaning the bathroom and when I went to pick DD up from nursery (wearing jeans) one of the staff remarked to everyone how she didn't think it was right that children should be kept at nursery when the parents had a day off. I got home and burst into tears at the criticism which I felt was particularly unfair when I was just trying to do the best thing for DD

It's like we've slipped back to 1972...

and I am that we are still having to have this argument

Women need to be a bit nicer to each other- if we don't stick together and support each other, who the fuck else will? Quite. Most people choose to do what's best for their child and their family. Different choices are just that - different. Not criticisms or comments on others who made different choices.

well said Katie