Parents sending children to cm while they are on holiday themselves

Are facts funny then AThing? What a strange sense of humour you have!

Susie you obviously are judging or you wouldn't call working Mums 'guilt ridden'.

As for AThing you clearly have lost a grip on real life in your perfect mother bubble. I'm sure you have a lovely partner who shares the night feeds, takes the kids to the park so you can 'get on' and doesn't require you to work ridiculous hours just to feed your children as well as looking after the house, car, bills, washing etc. And you DARE to judge her a bad Mother?! Me time?! You haven't got a CLUE!

Lolololo at the op not judging then referring to anyone who disagrees as a "guilt ridden parent".

Op do you understand what irony is? Because you clearly don't understand the verb "to judge".

I don't think I've ever felt parental guilt. I've felt anxious for my child, worried and even fearful but never guilty for doing my very best to be the best parent I can be.

Still think op should mind her own business unless the "care" she provides is mistreatment and then I would worry about the child. Child being properly cared for? Nothing to worry about.

PMSL @ "right of reply"

That's most threads on MN ruled out of order then.

ah no, to say that your thread has been taken over by ''guilt ridden parents'' is really horrible and baseless, goodness me

"Maybe the Father is not involved? Maybe she works a 60 hour week and then looks after the baby all weekend alone."

Apparently the father is involved and has the baby all weekend, every weekend.

This is a woman who needs a lot of "me time".

Shit, I thought I was a crap mother :o

Am I one of these mums who work? Or is it perhaps the case that you actually don't have a clue how often my child is in childcare not provided by a parent or how old he was before he received non-parental childcare of any kind?

Not that it matters one jot. I am capable of forming opinions about things without direct first hand experience because I am for the most part rational and intelligent enough to be able to appreciate that the way I choose to live my life is not the only way and certainly it's only the right way for me and my family.

As for the who's judging who the difference is that the op has a right of reply. This woman who none of us know (but some have been happy to condemn anyway) has no right of reply.

"the amount of flak she's had from all the mums who work and think this is normal is very telling"

what do you mean?

what does it tell you?

''There seems to be a lot of people with guilt about how they manage their own childcare on this thread! Why else would you all be so defensive and hurt if you really felt you were doing nothing wrong''

And I bet you're the kind of person to moan about those on benefits too. We obviously will never be as good a parent as you seem to think you are.

Maybe the Father is not involved? Maybe she works a 60 hour week and then looks after the baby all weekend alone.

My Dad used to look after my Daughter when she was tiny so I could spend 2 hours getting my hair done every few months, or have a sleep after working through the night and looking after a baby through the day. Every day. I suppose that puts me on a par with Baby P's mother.

No human can work 60+ hour weeks without a break for long periods of time without breaking physically and mentally. You begrudge this poor woman a day of rest?! And want her to feel GUILTY for breaking her back to provide for her child?!

What all these nasty simplistic people don't realise is that it is not always a CHOICE to work 60+ hour weeks, often it is SURVIVAL. I am sure they would be the first to jump on the fact that a child that didn't have enough to eat, was wearing clothes too small for them etc. Even if it was because the parents bowed to pressure from people like you not to work 'too many hours'!

"...and will you stop it with the 'sorry for the baby who mum barely sees'. There is nothing to feel sorry about, baby has no idea. Baby will not remember this period in her life."

You keep saying that, but it's just utter bollocks.

Do you really think a 6 month old baby doesn't know who her mother is?

Or do you just think this 6 month old baby doesn't know?

And if the latter, how can you possibly claim with any authority that such an extreme lack of maternal bond at 6 months old is not harmful?

"We are judging you for being judgemental."

:o

But that's OK.

Judging for being judgmental is righteous judgment! :o

the amount of flak she's had from all the mums who work and think this is normal is very telling

I don't think it is - and I don't think OP is getting flack from 'mums who work and think this is normal'. I think OP is getting flack (as are you) for being a CM who seems to think that what her client does regarding parenting HER OWN child is any of her business.

...and will you stop it with the 'sorry for the baby who mum barely sees'. There is nothing to feel sorry about, baby has no idea. Baby will not remember this period in her life. Maybe feel sorry for the mum instead who may have NO CHOICE but to work. Again - OP has NO IDEA what mum is doing...she may not be having a 'day off' - she might not be at work, but who knows what she is doing instead. Not the OP and not you.

To answer the question that was asked, yes I do find that parents often have a day off but still bring their children to me. Similarly if they get off early, they usually but not always collect at the usual time. FWIW that's fine by me.

I don't think most CMs are unduly judgemental about other parents choices or lifestyles. All the CMs I know ARE working mothers, and many will have previously had other careers, so will be well aware of the pressures that brings. Of course the whole purpose of the service we provide is to support other parents.

But of course it is perfectly natural and reasonable that parents and CMs weigh each other up and make judgements. I would not enter into a hopefully long and important relationship with a child whose parents I knew I could not like and respect. I would hope that parents would take the same view. All these comments about the "hired help" taking the money and forfeiting any right to an opinion are inflammatory rubbish. I have to wonder what sort of parents would entrust their child to someone they valued so little.

dueling, she's not doing it to get out the house, she's doing it for the money, so having a child for 60 hrs is better than having one for 20 hrs (duh)

and where does she say it causes her so much sorrow?

she feels sad for the 6m baby that her mum who barely sees her doesnt want to spend a day off with her and she was asking other childminders if this was usual

the amount of flak she's had from all the mums who work and think this is normal is very telling

I wonder how many hours OP would be able to mind a child for without it being something she judges? 20 hours a week? 40? Clearly not 60. SO, OP, why do you agree to do it if it causes you so much sorrow? As a child minder surely you can set your own limits and only take kids who are limited to a certain amount of hours?

those who pay childminders feel they can mud sling all the way, but the merest hint their childminder might not view them with the total adoration they feel they deserve(as they pay them money...) is met with their disgust and disapproval

I don't pay a CM. My 'mudslinging' as you put it is aimed directly towards CM that judge their clients. Just as it is aimed at every woman that judges other parents for their personal choices.

Unless it involves neglect, danger, abuse - why judge?

WOW amazed at all the judgemental comments from about childminders, the same people who don't expect childminders to judge them

..and take how you feel right now. Angry? Judged? Upset?

We are people you don't even know. We are judging you for being judgemental. For commenting on the 'poor sad baby'. For commenting on your 'surprise that mum didn't want to be with her baby'

Now imagine how your client would feel if she knew the CM she chose, the CM she thought was a decent person, the CM she gives her darling daughter to, was judging her in the same way.

Can you not see the irony? Can you not see how wrong this is?

Sorry I missed the disclaimer at the top that was only asking childminders if they judged. I thought you were asking if it was normal which would require parents to answer

But as I said, unless there's a concern about quality of care for the child, it's a total non-issue.

oh really?
youre just bitching then?feeling sad about a poor abandoned baby
gosh it's such a burden for you to bear

on ease up on the hyperbole
Susie got a pasting for bring bitchy and judgey - and yes other cm have pulled her up on her bad attitude.not just mums

and aye,don't bite the hand that feeds.working mums pay your wages

spot on suzie

those who pay childminders feel they can mud sling all the way, but the merest hint their childminder might not view them with the total adoration they feel they deserve(as they pay them money...) is met with their disgust and disapproval

wake up and smell the coffee girls

WOW.amazed you're amazed
stop bitching about mums
and no this isn't a cozy wee gossip with other cm.its notable other cm have reprimanded you for your comments

you need to sort your bad attitutude

Funnys, if you're paying your childminder £1200 pcm you're probably working the 60 hr week the op descibes, maybe thats why you're so wound up that the hired help would dare to have an opinion of you that wasn't as complimentary as you would expect

I find is quite niave you think paying someone automatically stops them having an opinion of you, no matter how professional they are