Parents sending children to cm while they are on holiday themselves

ha susie, next time you have a question about your childminding, remember to keep the thread title to something that only the childminders on here would answer, don't try asking a simple question that will invite mums who use childminders to answer as you can see from the reaction here the abuse you will get

good luck with your business

(when I was a childminder any threads I started usually had "childminders club" preceding them)

I am a very naughty mummy, my DD has been to nursery today and i have been to the hairdressers.

I've read the whole thing now, I doubt you are actually a childminder.

However, if you are...wow.

There's a single parent working a 60 hour week with a 6 month old baby.
Most people don't do that for fun.

How many people judging this woman have had to work a 60 hour week with a 6 month old who may of may not sleep through the night?

Do you know how exhausted she is?
Do you realise that in all likelihood she gets home late and doesn't have time to do much?
Do you know medical appts/dentists/bank appointments and a million other day to day jobs can only practically be done during the week?

I want someone who is a lone parent, having to work these hours to feed, clothe, put a roof over DCs heads to judge the mum for needing 1 day to herself.
I haven't heard anyone yet, I wonder why?

FWIW mine went to nursery from 4 months 8-4 every day.
If I had a rare day off and had to go to bank, doctors, dentist, clean the house, I sent them to nursery.

They are teenagers now who can't even remember going to the bloody nursery.

lagoon think you may be right.

I don't think you are even a childminder.

Hell of a sleep they're having. Anyway, I'm leaving this thread now. I'll leave you to read your Daily Mail.

Your charge is sleeping and you are on Mumsnet? I would have thought you would have wanted to spend any time not working with your child (as you also work 60 hour weeks even though this is unacceptable for someone else). Game. Set. Match. Put your soapbox away and go and be the perfect parent.

I am surprised that she is leaving her dd with me for 12 hours when she is on holiday You didn't say surprised, you said sad.

Vile comments Really? OK.

makes me think they must not be happy with their own situation I don't have a situation. I don't have a child requiring childcare. My disagreeing with you has nothing to do with that, I don't agree with parents being judgemental about other parents. Especially those who are providing one to one care for their children.

I can't imagine feeling anything but admiration and empathy for any single parent who works 60 hours a week, let alone one with a 6mo baby.

"There are so many vile comments on thus thread from people wanting to try and "prove" that their point of view is the correct one that everyone must agree with that makes me think they must not be happy with their own situation."

eh?

I don't get it.

I wish I could afford to send my 6 and 3 year old to CM for a few hours a week as they used to love it so much and miss her and the other mindees. Fortunately she is just round the corner so we do see her anyway but not quite the same.

I think you might be getting a 6 month old baby mixed up with a goldfish Excellent use of sarcasm, I'm impressed

You don't need to have much of a concept of time to be affected by barely seeing your parent during the week Baby doesn't know she is barely seeing her parent. For all baby knows 12 hours is the same as 12 minutes.

*Or maybe she just wants to go and get drunk in the afternoon. Or maybe she insists the Dad has the baby all weekend so she can go potholing. Or maybe she has another weekend baby she spends time with.

You're just making shit up now* And you're not?

Going ballistic No-one has gone ballistic and OP isn't 'just wondering' she's 'Feeling Sad'

Maybe it is that this woman has few choices and that this day to herself is necessary. In which case she deserves sympathy yes, which is why being judgemental isn't helpful.

I must admit I am confused by you a little AThing. I see how helpful and understanding you can be on the Relationships Board, but you seem to lose that understanding here. Not a dig, genuinely. Just a musing. It surprises me that you dismiss what could quite easily be a correct 'bigger picture', going on some of the awful things we read on there as 'making shit up'

MN has made me far more understanding over the years. Things I may well have judged a person for, things I have never come across in my happy little bubble and seem so far from my 'norm' now seem quite possible. I am far more open to all possibilities now, which is why I would never presume the worst of someone. There are mothers (and fathers) out there going through and getting on with all kinds of shit that would break me into pieces - we don't know what goes on behind closed doors, so my immediate stance is to be supportive, not judgemental.

MN has made me a better person, for that I am very grateful.

Oh I'm not surprised Bonnie. MN is very reliable in its abhorrence of working mothers (although working fathers escape any kind of judgement whatsoever).

I'm surprised at the comments that the baby doesn't really know who it's mum is. Dh works away a lot and yet my children definitely know who their dad is. He is very much the favoured parent.

Susiemumof - you are very lucky you don't have to work and that having a bit of pin money is an option for you.

Obviously this is not the same for this woman. She has to work for her living. She is a single mother. She's probably exhausted. She probably needs to catch up with her life on a weekday when things are open. I wouldn't want to work 60 hour weeks, especially with a young baby, because i don't think I could cope with the disapproval from people.

The difference between you and me as professionals, is that I see children daily whose health has been comprimised by dodgy parental choices. But I don't choose to judge (and I'm sorry, but the whole sad baby thing smacks of judgement) their whole lives on it. They may be wonderful parents in other ways, far better than me. So looking at a single slice of life like time, or health, or education etc is unfair.

Poor woman, she just wants one day off!

Good summary, Athing

I think you might be getting a 6 month old baby mixed up with a goldfish.

You don't need to have much of a concept of time to be affected by barely seeing your parent during the week.

Time still exists even if you don't understand it. And less time = less care = weaker bond

" maybe this is a woman with PND - well done for that judgment. Maybe this is a woman forced to allow the father to take the child by the courts and is too scared to face him, which is why he picks up from the CM - well done for that judgement. Maybe this is a woman who is stuggling to pay the bills and ALSO works 12 hrs a day at the weekends."

Or maybe she just wants to go and get drunk in the afternoon. Or maybe she insists the Dad has the baby all weekend so she can go potholing. Or maybe she has another weekend baby she spends time with.

You're just making shit up now.

Going ballistic at someone because they wonder why a mother who barely sees her baby is choosing to spend even more time away from her is a complete overreaction.

It's a reasonable thing to wonder.

Maybe it is that this woman has few choices and that this day to herself is necessary. In which case she deserves sympathy.

Maybe it is the case that she is a selfish woman who doesn't prioritise her child's welfare at all.

Either is possible, surely?

Either way, I think it's reasonable to feel sad for a baby who through difficult circumstances, or inadequate parenting, will be yet another full day at the childminder.

Actually I am in the fortunate position that I don't really need to work, I do it to provide extra treats for my dc and because I love working with children

if you are lucky enough not to work then great, but then why on earth would you work 60hrs aka 7-7 mon to fri

tbh im sure your children would prefer a little more 'you' time then treats so why not cut down your hours to 8-6 or even 3 days a week

i am lucky enough to earn good money for 3 days hence why i work 3 days and not 5 -no way in the world would i go back to work 7-7 5 days a week as means you get no life

"but it has been totally taken over by guilt ridden parents"

right. What a totally revealing thing to say.
I get why you started the thread now. Arses to it and thanks for proving people right on this one.

Do you really think a 6 month old baby doesn't know who her mother is?

No - not what I said. I think a 6 month old baby has no concept of time. She could have been with another human for 5 minutes or 5 hours - there will be no differentiation for that baby. So why feel sorry for a baby being with a CM for 12 hours when a baby doesn't know how long 12 hours is. Would you feel sorry for a baby that was left with a CM for 1 hour? I doubt it. Babies do not have the cognitive power to judge time.

This is a woman who needs a lot of me time maybe this is a woman with PND - well done for that judgment. Maybe this is a woman forced to allow the father to take the child by the courts and is too scared to face him, which is why he picks up from the CM - well done for that judgement. Maybe this is a woman who is stuggling to pay the bills and ALSO works 12 hrs a day at the weekends.

We don't know, so taking the piss is a bit 'off' don't you think.

Guilt ridden parents . Nope not me, no guilt to be ridden with. Like I said, at least this thread has confirmed my decision NOT to use a CM - I'm a happy bunny in that respect

I dunno, it does seem like there's a massive amount of defensiveness on this thread.

cf all the angst over whether your children's CM judges you

I'm with scottish - I couldn't give a shiny shite if the CM judges me.

Choosing your childcare based on where you think you will get judged least seems a very odd set of priorities.

I went with where I thought my children would form the strongest attachments.

But then I believe babies and toddlers form attachments that are an important part of their development even if they don't remember them later.

I guess if you think pre-schoolers are indifferent to who looks after them, choosing childcare based on who is in the weakest position to judge your parenting makes some sense.

Are there such a thing as trolls on mumsnet (I'm quite new)? Because I must be being had.