Parents sending children to cm while they are on holiday themselves

and,so what?
maybe honeymoon was no children resort paid by family,pals etc
sandals wedding and honeymoon Inc Mexico are child free

I still send my little one if not at work as old childminder charged as do nursery which is fair enough if had a week off and nothing major planned he went and we caught up on cleaning, shopping etc but then had him off for couple days and had family days out.

Our new childminder who he does 2 days a week with charges 50% when she is on hols and same with us so we have a week off in july for a family wedding/holiday and will be back for 2 days nursery which he will go to so we can do the mass of washing/catch up after hol then the fri which is a cm day we have him off with us and will have a fun day out.

Parents are all different I felt massively guilty first time I was off and still sent him to childminders and ask a friend who had 2 and she laughed and said she always sends her if off however some other friends are shocked I send mine as they would never send theirs when they are off

Now this is a sad tale........
J, 29months arrived at 6.45.
Dad left.
7pm - granny arrived. Id not been advised but knew her as she picked up occasionally.
I noticed she looked very glamorous and told her she looked nice.
She thanked me and said it had been a lovely wedding. ..........
Of J's mummy and daddy.

Mindies parents had not only gone and got married, but were on the way to the airport for a 2 week honeymoon in Mexico!!!

J had no idea.
He stayed with granny and had a horrendous 2 weeks. As did I.

"I specifically didn't chose cm as I didn't want my dc fitting into someone else home,their dc,school run etc."

I chose CM because I did want my DC fitting in with another home, another family.

The CM who minds my children was a nanny before she had her own children and started her own business. She's such a pro.

The first CM the girls went to was the opposite - loads of MNers would not leave their kids with her, she did loads of things people disapprove of - too much TV, constantly giving them sweets, juice in a bottle.

But she loved them (still does, they still visit her) and they her, and that mattered to me more than anything.

I doubt CM2 would ever judge me for working. CM1 might well wonder what possesses me to leave two kids she loves spending all day with.

But I don't give a shite what they think about my childcare arrangements as long as they are good to my children and keep them safe and happy when they have them.

that was v unreasonable of cm
not her business

i worked full time, stretched 20 sodding days leave over 12 weeks or whatever of school holiday.

after a few years, got a job where i had flex time- so an extra 13 days leave. i kept one day back for illness etc but where i had to take it or lose it, i took it and told no one.

my cm at the child saw me on one of these days having my hair cut. she told every one in the play ground about how i had used a days leave and not spent it with my kids.

it was the nail in the coffin!

cm is business
it's not altruistic as fees are charged
and its not home from home.it's paid childcare delivered in someone else home

if you don't think it's a business transaction you're being bit naive
I like nursery staff,but it's functional business relationship

I specifically didn't chose cm as I didn't want my dc fitting into someone else home,their dc,school run etc. and cm I encountered were all doing it to make extra money working at home. it was what they did to be able to be home with their own kids and get fees watching others

from antenatal a few precious moments mamas went into cm,specifically for this reasons.no prior interest in cm, no prior experience or interest in childcare.had pursued other careers. anecdotally,those I met had quite strident disapproval of working mums...but were prepared to take their money though

I've just had to look after two of mine for the week, including bank holiday, while both parents were away working.

I don't suppose they wanted to, either.

Yes monkey agree with you on all your points.

I am just going to pop on here with 2 comments:

Firstly, just because baby's dad picks up on Friday evening and drops off Monday morning doesn't necessarily mean he has her all weekend. He might have her Friday evening and the Sunday afternoon and overnight. We have no way of knowing.

Also - and ?I doubt the OP will report back with this - but I wonder if baby will be with CM for a full 12 hour day on the day off - or if mum will drop off late/pick up early?

Just nosey questions, though. None of my business really.

it sounds very difficult to achieve, IMO it'ld easier to be a nursery nurse because when you step into your work place you can put on your nursery nurse "hat" and leave your mum hat at home, in your home, trying to raise your own young children your way at the same time, much much harder!

I do care work and find hospital work much much easier than home care, once someone's own home is in the mix, the dynamics are harder.

It doesn't sound like the OP is there yet or indeed even sees that she has some way to go! She might get there, but I think there are a lot who never do!

Yes monkey I understand and my youngest is 10 so different.

I couldn't have childminded when mine were little, for one thing the paperwork is endless and for another if u want a good profitable business( not a dirty word) then u need at least 3 mindees full time IMO.

However there are a lot of cms on the child care thread who do have younger children and are fantastic.

To be a successful childminder imo,and it is very different to a nursery as its just you, u need to be warm, friendly, professional and flexible and defiantly tactful and lastly not care a rats ass about the family after the door closes. ( in a nice way iucwim).

Elizabeth - wonderful post.

I think you said perfectly what every working parent would love to hear from their childminder. Non-judgemental and caring.

Sorry if I have seemed a little strident on this thread, it really hit a nerve with me, having done exactly what is being criticised by the OP. I never thought to feel sad for my DC, which implies a form of neglect on the mothers part. Susie, I'm absolutely sure you didn't mean that at all,you do sound like a nice mum and CM.
As I've learnt, to my horror at times, on MN one bad word choice can open a can of worms. In this case the word 'sad' was a red flag.

thebody, you put your finger on exactly why I gave up on CMs and switched to nurseries

I'm sure there are people like you thebody who keep the boundaries but my experience is that a lot of CMs struggle with some parenting choices which aren't their parenting choices!

For this reason (and others, incl it shows that it is their chosen career not just a means to be home with their own young children) if I ever have to choose a CM again I will chose one whose children are older so they are a bit removed from their own pre-schooler raising and attitudes

Of course it is a business arrangement. CMs, nursery workers, nannies are people doing a job for money. Parents pay them for a service. How is it anything else?

there's a lot nasty in what she said and the comments she made about guilty parents was one of them.

I think susie sounds a lovely cm with a great relationship with her mindees. We all want that for our mindees and of course from a childminder.

As a cm I do see my relationship with parents as a business, of course it is I don't work for free!! But my relationship with them
Is also friendly( not friends) as blurs boundaries.

With the children I strive to be like a fun but sensible aunty.

I dont love my mindees. ( only my own Dcs) but care for them and look after them to the best of my ability but when they are with their parents that's that and I certainly don't ' worry' about them.

Susie you do need to keep a professional distance from families as we all parent differently and don't blur boundaries.

I do sort of understand how your 'sad' comment provoked this reaction to you, as it probes a guilt wound for all working moms.

A business arrangement !! Is that how you see a child carer ? I am really shocked at some people on here. Just read this all through I think the judgey. Ones isn't the op. there is nothing nasty in what she said and the ones that said they don't think she is a childminder what makes you think that?

But thebody no one has posted on here "I feel sad for the ops dd, having to be with this other mindee for 60 hours a week.
No one implied the op shouldn't be working 60 hours a week and no one has thought they have the right to judge what the op does with her day off.

yes it's a business arrangement
financial transaction
personalizing it is when all the potential niggle and judgement can occur

And to add cms are working mothers too and personally I feel very guilty that I have to put mindees needs before my own children's but that's the business I choose to work in and that's life for all of us working moms.

good post,yes key concept be professional
not sad for mindees
a good cm and or nursery nurse , nanny is a fantastic asset.

Speaking aS another cm I too don't give a rats ass what parents do while I mind their children as long as they pay me fully and on time.

Great post Elizabeth.

Speaking as a CM...

I am of the view it is none of my business what my clients do during the time their child is in my care. Whether they are at work, skiing, coffee'ing with pals, abseiling nekkid, sitting in their pjs watching a box set...

Honestly.. mothers more often than that have so much guilt to deal with anyway from their parents/SAHfriends etc. when going back to work, whether PT or FT... the very least we as the childcare giver can do, is support her... and we should be there as a support for the family, not only the child, in my view.

We are all different and have varying ways of doing things/coping with life etc. What works for one does not work for another.

Just keep your professional head on and ensure that baby has the best care possible... and be reassured in the knowledge that you are helping a single parent go about the job of being a single parent.