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My 20 month-old calls his childminder 'mummy'

34 replies

Dairylea · 21/03/2012 14:07

Hi - Go gently on me, fellow mums netters! I've read a lot of (helpful) threads over the last couple of years but this is the first bit of help I've really needed. My 20 month old ds has a fantastic childminder. I work from home so he is only with her from 9.30-12.30 in the mornings, with one day a week until 5.30pm. He's a very affectionate and loving boy, happy and confident and we have a great time together. He's had the childminder for 3 months and I think she's great - very active, very kind, has a dd of her own and never has more than 4 kids at any one time, and often only two. But the children she minds call her 'mummy'. The first time she told me about it I thought it was because one of the girls she looked after, she'd had since she was 4 months old for over a year. And as her own daughter is often around, the other children hear her being called mummy. So I thought I had better just get over it. But just now, I collected my boy and we all walked down the road together. She was telling me that she'd been playing a game with him - what's your name? (And he says his name.) What's the baby's name? (And my ds says the baby's name.) Then she said: "I asked him, 'What's my name? And he said mummy.' And she smiled proudly. I was a bit gobsmacked. Then, to really drive the point home, she did it all again with him, in front of me.

She really is great, and I don't want to rock my son's world by finding someone else. Nor do I want to engage in some sort of competitive game with my son's affections. I'm completely comfortable that he loves me and knows I love him. But I am deeply unsettled by what happened this morning. Do I just need to get over myself? Or should I say something? Help, please!

Thank you.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Mama1980 · 21/03/2012 14:28

How odd, this would definitely bother me, not that my child did it but that she was encouraging it. Mummy is not just a name.

AuntieH2four · 21/03/2012 14:25

I'm not surprised you're unsettled, I think that is very strange! It sounds tricky if you like everything else about her, but I think you have to talk to her about it. I think she should know you're not comfortable with him calling her mummy, and would appreciate her help in encouraging him to call her by her first name, maybe Auntie -- or even at a push mummy --, to distinguish you from her. As a mother herself she should be able to see that mummy is a special term not just a name.

Hope it turns out ok.

malovitt · 21/03/2012 14:25

Some of my mindees will occasionally call me mummy by mistake, (usually when they're tired or irritable) but I ALWAYS correct them by saying, "I'm not mummy, I'm Malovitt"
Her behaviour is simply not on, I'm afraid. I would speak to her and tell her that you would prefer your child to use her name.

HSMM · 21/03/2012 14:24

I am a CM and children often go through a phase of calling me mummy, but I correct them and say my name in a fun way. I definitely don't encourage it. My DD called me by my first name for years!

MyNameIsntFUCKINGWarren · 21/03/2012 14:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hulababy · 21/03/2012 14:18

How odd, and no - you don't need to get over yourself. This is strange and she shouldn't be getting the children to call her mummy. I wouldn't have had that at all, I have to say. yes, some children do it by accident - but you correct them gently. I have had school children call me mummy, but I just laugh and say my name to correct them there and then.

i really wouldn't like it if it was my DD and the childcarer was encouraging this.

MyNameIsntFUCKINGWarren · 21/03/2012 14:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pozzled · 21/03/2012 14:17

I'd have a problem with that, and would insist that he call her by her name, or something else mutually agreed- Auntie x maybe? I think it may be awkward though as you should really have raised this previously. Did you not realise that all her mindees call her 'Mummy'? If so, just talk to her honestly. If she's as good as you say she won't mind.

Smurfy1 · 21/03/2012 14:14

Errrrr definately say something thats creepy for her to encourage that i would have thought she would be discouraging it instead

Sorry I didnt want to read and run and I hope you get some great advise on how to broach this