Decided that an au pair is the solution to my childcare please give me the low down...

Actually they are (like) a family member, and an employee. I therefore believe it is right both to treat them as you would wish a young member of your own family to be treated, and to pay them a fair wage.

Another important point has struck me since getting into what feels like a slight squabble above?! Anyway, the point is people don't become an au-pair for the money, they do it for an experience. Yes they need enough pocket money to have a good time with friends, but beyond that what matters is how the host family treat them. They are very very different to a nanny or childminder. They are a family member, not an employee. This can be difficult for some host families who find it hard to embrace someone who may be quite different into their lives and homes, and accept them for who they are, but this is essential for success.

I think we'll have to agree that we all do what works for our situations, including the au-pairs. Different au-pairs want different things out of their stay, different families want different things of au-pairs. Our au-pairs are happy, we're happy and the agency we used was happy. I don't see the problem here.

And, to answer your question, they do get holidays, extra days off (for example, when friends or family come to visit), a guest room they can use, anything they want from the supermarket (toiletries, food, drinks, dvds etc.), all their meals with us, we teach them to cook if they want, let them choose some of the dinners each week, they come out to restaurants etc with us when we go as a family, we take them with us on trips away, take them on sightseeing trips, and on things like birthdays do a big outing where they choose a west end show and restaurant. We treat them exactly as I would a young cousin coming from a far off part as part of their gap year travels.

I guess it really isn't a typical au-pair situation where they're alone most of the day while the parents are at work and then have sole responsibility for the children for specific times like pre and after school. It's all carefully explained during interviews. We ask all au-pairs to speak to past au-pairs before making any decision about coming to us so they know exactly what to expect. They do not come not knowing what they're going in to - that wouldn't work for anyone.

Despite everything you say, I still don't think £100 a week for 40 hours is a fair rate.

It is normal to provide a mobile phone with a sensible amount of credit on it each month and if you are in central London it is normal to provide an Oyster card, so neither of those can be counted as additional benefits. Perhaps you provide other things, or more paid holiday than the 28 days statutory minimum?

Our au-pairs are an extra set of hands in a house with a child with mild SN. I am a stay at home mum, but because one of our toddlers has some SN it is almost impossible to leave the house alone. It is not instead or nursery or after school club. It is not like a job, they are simply living with another family and being a hands on part of it.

Agencies felt this was the right sum. They get many other things in the package, and a floor of a house to themselves in central London. We've had au-pairs entire families come to stay and the au-pairs parents have all been happy with the arrangement too. Past au-pairs have all stayed in touch and regularly visit.

We had over 200 applicants last time we advertised and all details are spelt out very very carefully. Past au-pairs have had their friends come after them.

So please do not make flying accusations of exploitation. We are not forcing anyone to do anything or stay anywhere that they don't want to be. All have been on gap years and found it a great experience to learn English, an opportunity to live in a new country and a wonderful way to take the first steps to living away from home. You might not want a gap year au-pair who is only 18 for some situations, but for ours it works very well.

I've got to be honest I am totally shocked by the rates of pay being bandied about here.........

Even allowing for the fact that they are getting a package including accomodation I can't imagine how they would afford to go out clubbing, buy cigarettes or stay out all night!

£100 for a 40 week- that is simply indefensible......... a very cheap method of avoiding huge nursery and after-school club fees by the sound of things.

I don't think £100 a week for 40 hours is a fair rate. A normal range for an au pair in London is £70-85 for 25-30 hours, so you are paying £15-30 for an extra 10-15 hours - or £1.50-£3.00 per hour!

£140 is the minimum fair wage for these hours IMHO.

We used an Agency and found out they'd told our au-pair to lie about how long she wished to stay (we'd said minimum of 6 months, she only wanted to stay 3), and they'd exagerated her ability to speak English. After that we used au-pair world website, with much greater success.

6 au-pairs later, I'd say really drill them during the interview. We've had some arrive clueless, but with a good attitude and willingness to learn, so it turned out great. We've had others arrive who had clearly had to do loads at home, and hit the ground running. The one thing that really matters is they love kids, enjoy them, know how to play with them etc... Cleaning, basic cooking, laundry and so on is pretty easy to pick up if they are willing.

Currently must confess to new au-pair nightmare though. We have someone who had a great attitude in the interview, but having arrived can't be bothered to deal with the kids at all and just plonks them in front of the TV or i-pad. All she wants to do is go out to pubs and clubs now she's in a big city (including on her own) and often stays out all night. If you find you get someone who clearly isn't going to work, do deal with it strait away, don't keep hoping.

We're in London and pay £100 per week for an au-pair plus arrangement. They do 40 hours per week, but I'm at home too so they're working as a team rather than having sole responsibility. We have DS1 aged 3.6 who has some special needs and DS2 aged 2 who doesn't have SN. We train au-pairs up to help with speech therapy etc, but they don't have to do any house work or laundry. Just childcare and a few basic kids meals. They have a huge room and bathroom on a seperate floor. This works for us as it means in the evenings they generally want to go to their room and DH and I get some time alone. We take our au-pair on holidays too, which they enjoy as they get to see someother bits of Europe and DH and I get a bit of quality time alone.

If you would like a list of the kind of interview questions we use do PM me.

Virtual, the issue regarding bathroom is that it is ensuite. If the aupair doesn't have it for herself, she'll have people walking into her room, which I don't think it is acceptable.

I always used Greataupair or Aupair world, and it worked out ok. I like German aupairs because they tend to be used to cycling, so they are not worried about living a bit far from the station.

I have used au pair world in the past as it is cheap, you just have to do all the lrg work yourself, which I preferred, as I would rather trust my own judgement than somebody elses.

Our first (french) au pair was great, very eager and attentive and friendly, did everything we asked and we are still in touch 3 years later.

no 2 disappeared after 3 days . I think she was very home sick and spoke much less (no) English than she had let on.

no 3 (Canadian) Wanted nothing more than a cheap holiday, invited her friends over and buggered off to travel Europe after 6 weeks. Spent all her free time out drinking and sleeping with boys (not in our house obviously).

i gave up after that

she doesn't clean bathrooms and doesn't do ironing. I never asked about bathrooms - when it comes to ironing she said from the first day, she hates it and she would rather cook dinner for us than do ironing. I was fine with this.

Hi,

My au-pair picks up DS from school and looks after him up to 8 (I am usually home by 7 but up to 8 is acceptable), drives him to his activities, babysits up 2 evenings a week, loads, empties dishwasher, does hoovering and generally tidies up, cooks for my DS. I pay 80 but we live in central London. I used Millenium au pairs and do not regret at all. they were quick, professional and my au pair told me that she also paid agency to be on the list to make sure they will take care of her if smth goes wrong. I will use them again when she decides to leave.

I have had lots of au pairs. I always use Gumtree to recruit. and I meet the au pairs in person before hiring them.

Mostly my experiences have been positive. There have been a couple of disasters though where either the au pair has left very quickly, or the au pair has been useless and I've had to ask her to leave. Mostly though the au pairs have stayed with us long term and we are in touch with several still (have had them for 7 years now).

I have a new one starting on Sunday.

I wouldn't let her have the bathroom to herself if I were you - It's not necessary and they don't expect it. we have 2 bathrooms and the au pair doesn't get hers to herself, although the dcs will usually use the other one.

I would put a tv and dvd player in her room and give her access to wifi. I think some people provide a laptop if the au pair doesn't have one, but all of mine have brought their own.

you may have to think about providing a travel card/pass too especially if you are rural.

also probably a good idea to write a handbook with things like duties, house rules and guidance to the local area included in it. If you search on here there are examples.

Because she was useless! She had kindergarden experience and good references, lied about smoking, let DS2 run out onto the road when she was standing right there and didn't see it (I had to scream from the house and she still didn't twig), never once interacted with the DSs by getting down to their level, sat there at the dinner table not interacting with anyone at all, spoke to the DSs like a bloody drill sergeant, was all 'woe is me' when the DSs didn't want to interact with her after a few days. I had to send her home after 3 weeks.

I second the trial weekend! I didn't and regretted it.

A CRB check is next to useless for somone coming from abroad: unlike in the UK, police forces in most European countries will provide a clearance letter for their citizens to potential employers: contact their embassy in the UK.

Similarly you can ask the AP to provide a medical reference from their doctor; these are compulsory for au pairs working in some European countries so are easily obtained - perhaps too easily, as there is anecdotal evidence of APs with clear medical references turning out to have chronic health issues.

When recruiting, there is IMHO nothing more important than a trial weekend: a European air fare is cheaper than an agency fee.

I saw my au pairs police check and had a form from her gp re health (fairly standard), as well as following up all of her references (by telephone) and cv. Plus a good google and check of what was on Facebook etc. You don't need an agency for that, and I find it better to have been able to seen everything myself.

how do you recruit if you don't use an agency?

Au Pair World. Others use Great Au Pairs.

Au pair friends - Facebook is a good way of finding them. Our au pair found someone her age from the same country living a couple of roads away very quickly. The social side of things is quite important, as a lonely au pair = an unhappy one. Have a search on Facebook for your area to see what is available.

An au pair is traditionally here to get language experience so will want to go to language classes. It is worth checking what is available locally, and whether you can start at any time or only at set times during the year. Also what cost is involved.

If your au pair is attending language classes, then they probably won't be available if you child is ill.

£70 per week sounds ok, provided language course costs and associated transport is affordable.

In terms of recruiting, you can see whether Gumtree gets much interest in your area. Or there are a couple of au pair sites which you can use, and do your own checks. If you look for someone slightly older then the cost of car insurance is reduced.