Decided that an au pair is the solution to my childcare please give me the low down...

I find the arguments about how much pay for au pairs really missing the point; I have been on both sides - have been an au pair twice and have had au pairs myself.

When I was an au pair it was a fantastic way to live in New York without having to worry about setting myself up in a foreign country and an initially very scary city for an 18 year old - rent, bills, getting a bank account, buying food; I would have never been able to afford moving there on my own and finding my way. Instead, I was instantly part of a family and moved into a lovely home and started straight away earning pocket money. And it is pocket money, because all of it was money that I could spend as I wanted (apart from travel costs and back in the dark ages when I was an au pair only yuppies had mobile phones) on souvenirs, clothes, sweets etc. and not on necessities for survival. When I had problems I could go to my au pair parents.

Now we have au pairs ourselves I still think it's a great arrangement. Ultimately - you want your au pair to be happy because presumably you do not want somebody unhappy to look after your children.

Be upfront about how much you are paying - as another poster said - being an au pair is not about making money, it is an easy way to live for a limited time in foreign country.

Yes, there are some exceptions, but that doesn't mean that the au pair arrangement as such is a bad one in principal.

PostBellumBugsy I think you may be right. DS is still only 3.5, so it's the gap between him and his peers isn't as great as it might become (well that all depends on how he progresses of course). Luckily for us lots of people have wanted to come knowing exactly what the situation is. One past au-pair even learnt sign language and subsequently changed her choice of university course to become a speech therapist, after us all getting trained up by SLTs to help DS.

And you are also right that people don't get au-pairs so they can sit about! However, when you say you're a stay at home mum and have an au-pair many do assume this unless you explain the whole SN situation. Mind you as you're probably aware of people make some bonkers assumptions until they have the reality of having a child of the spectrum explained. Even then people are often very prone to misunderstanding. And you know what, so was I until I found myself in this situation... We all live and learn. Personally, I think all our au-pairs have found it a very rewarding and eye opening experience helping a child with SN.

cjn, my DS is ASD & from my experience, I would say you may find you have to pay more if you have children with special needs and you may find it more difficult to find an aupair.
To be fair, most people are looking for an aupair because they need an extra set of hands. I haven't met many families who have an aupair so they can sit around all day, while a late teen, early 20s raises their children!

No, I didn't think you were LadyHarrietSpook. I was trying to explain that what we need is an extra set of hands, and one that will be there as part of the family and understand the whole situation by living very much as part of it. When you have a child with SN it's a very different situation. You don't need a childminder, or nanny (who'd probably feel very annoyed at having the parent there all the time). So an au-pair fits our bill very well, but it's not a typical au-pair role by any means. We don't need someone to help raise our children part time. We need more hands. I physically can't get out the door without more hands, as neither child is road safe, one has partial hearing loss and is possibly / probably on the autistic spectrum (diagnosis yet to be confirmed) meaning he really needs an adult just for him when out and about to remain safe.

Though some clearly think I'm exploiting young Europeans. Fortunately, they don't and I don't!

CJN I wasn't being unsupportive of you.

If CJN is really there all the time - I have a 3 year old with special needs and a 2 year old. I'm not about to leave them with an 18 year old with no qualifications or experience. Our au-pairs come having never lived away from home, some have come for summer holidays between school years, others in gap years between school and university.

I think this highlights a great thing about au-pairs. There's a huge variety of situations in which it can work, and a huge variety of people wanting to be au-pairs.

And I also disagree on the pay/package not being proportionate to the responsibilities they have, when you are talking about the terms that Fraktal laid out (which is what we offer.)

Double
I'm not disagreeing with you, I'm simply stating that the au pair arrangement is not a professional nanny being underpaid becaue their foreign or whatever.

A family has to look at all the considerations as to what kind of childcare is available, where they can compromise (such as providing additional management/support), and where they can't. Our au pairs have other qualities that we want our daughters to aspire to and set a very good example for them (in most cases) although they need support in other areas that a professional nanny would not.

I've had 6 au pairs in total over a period of 7 years. Some were fantastic (particularly the one who was with us for 2 years), some were good & some less so. So, you definitely don't get what you pay for with aupairs. I've paid the same each time!
It is a cheap way of getting help with your DCs & around the house - which is probably the biggest upside.
The downsides are having someone extra live in your house, they usually require quite alot of front loading - so quite alot of your time to get them up & running initially.
If you let them drive a car, the insurance is usually very high.
Some of them eat a surprising amount - so definitely worth factoring that in to your calculations.
The younger ones may need you to act as a bit of a parent, so you will have to ask them to turn the music down, not to come home drunk from a night out, teach them that it is not a good idea to wash all their clothes together, including the bright red scarf that has just ruined all their white t-shirts etc.

We've had a few au pairs. Current one is absolutely lovely - we really landed on our feet with her. I've used both agencies and gumtree and found gumtree to be best, given that the individuals are usually in London and available for interview, whereas agencies tend to give you a profile of the person and then they turn up from their home country, move in and you have to hope for the best, having never met them before.

I think you need to figure out what the most important factors for you are. For me, I want someone that is happy to be with the children, someone with a nice personality and who likes to go out, socialise and muck in when necessary. Things like cleaning and ironing aren't so important to me, as I can do bits and pieces myself or get a separate cleaner if necessary.

We pay our au pair £90 per week - she has her own double room with walk in closet, her own bathroom, Wifi, cable TV in her room, money towards transport and all food etc. She has paid holiday. Generally, her main duties are being around after school - DH and I are able to take kids to school on the way to work.

I'm fairly laid back and have no problems with our au pair having her friends over, or going clubbing etc. She's only 10 years younger than me so it's like having a sister around. She enjoys watching the same TV shows and DD and I (bonus!) and gets on really well with us. I thank my lucky stars that we found her!

maples -I see thanks- that's good to know I guess- have you any idea how that works and how our UK crb get info on those from overseas?

I also agree with Fraktal that an au pair is most definitely an employee before anything else.

LadyHarriet - I hate to say it- but "you get what you pay for" don't you think? I'd quite agree on the hours worked thing, just not seeing in this threa any pay arrangements proportionate to the responsibilities these au pairs have with or without the accomodation.

Anyway- on the subject of resonsibilities I am off (in the pesky rain) to cheer DS on in a charity football match. Think I'll be in wellies and armed with coffee!

Thanks ladies- quite an eyeopener this thread.

But if they haven't been in the UK it's pointless.... I've never comitted a crime in many countries precisely because I've never lived there.

And no I am not a hardened criminal in the countries I have lived in

Its

Darn phone.

I agree that's a good way to think about it.

I think when discussing remuneration it is important to consider the package and it's value but I think the package should be taken from a typical 25-30 hours for roughly £75 plus 'part of the family'. Anything above that should be paid at a fair rate, which IMO is min wage for theor age for those hours.

And they are very definitely an employee with all the rights and responsibilities that implies.

If CJN is really there all the time, and the au pair is included in all of those activities, I don't think this arrangement is necessarily exploitative. It would be different - of course - if this were a sole charge role.

Doubleespresso - have you had an au pair before? I think until you do and see how much support they really require and how much they are a part of your family life it's hard to describe the 'cost' this represents to the family and the 'value' that accrues to the au pair.

There is an equation there that doesn't come down to just whether it's equal to minimum wage for the hours they work and what they'd have to pay for accommodation. For some people CJN's arrnagement wouldn't work, for other people it clearly does.

Having an au pair in the house helping is quite like having an intern at work that you have to manage AND do all your work at the same time. It is NOT like having a professional nanny who is doing it on the cheap, there is much more input involved than that (for most people anyway.)

Sorry maple maybe I'm missing something here...... maybe if an au pair was paid a reasonable rate they wouldn't need "pocket money"?

And treats? FGS

This is basically a live-in nanny with a few perks on the cheap. Have got no issue with that at all- if it works for you and an au pair is accepting, then that's great.

What is impossible to swallow is the sentiment in this thread that these young au pairs are "part of the family" and being given an "opportunity to discover London" and that these rates are anything but pitifully poor.

Really don't want to get into a slanging match abot this at all- I was genuinely interested to hear of these arrangements, just not sure I could reconciile this type of arrangement in my home, just would not sit well with me at all....and I suppose aside from finance, I would want some solid method of reference checking. I guess CRB checks are pretty useless as these au pairs tend to come from overseas?

No not for me- but if it suits your requirements great.

Not at all intending to make you feel browbeaten cjn- am just truly astonished at these rates. And yes probably still a long way from being convinced that the above could be termed a great package even allowing for accomodation being thrown in.

I'm just considering the sole charge of children pre and post school times and thinking that any other arrangement would cost you far dearer. I also wonder what kind of fees the agencies earn off the back of this???

£2.50 per hour in London when a single bus journey costs £2.30 seems just wrong to me sorry. I don't think that referring to them as a family member really cuts the mustard here at all.

cjn that sounds like a FAB package for any 18 year old!!

A normal range for an au pair in London is £70-85 for 25-30 hours, so you are paying £15-30 for an extra 10-15 hours - or £1.50-£3.00 per hour!

£70 for 25 hours works out at £2.8 per hour
£70 for 30 hours works out at £2.3 per hour
£85 for 30 hours works out at £2.8 per hour
£100 for 40 hours works out at £2.5 per hour

Our au-pairs agree to this, it's not illegal, they're happy. I could post quotes from leaving cards etc that emphasise this. Many au-pairs even happily hang around with us during weekends, which ends up with them doing the same role as they do during the week - being an extra set of hands - out of choice.

Why am I starting to feel very brow beaten here?