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Original poster

Just been Lectured to by one of my mindees parents! Need to rant

215 replies

saltire · 23/01/2006 14:24

Sorry, this is a bit of rant but i need to get it out of my system. I have just had a lecture from one of my mindees parents about me using "loud and intimidating" voice tones whne talking to his dd!!!!!!

Apparently one of his wifes friends overheard me shouting at the mindee last week, and told the parents. Then later the same day, the mindees Gran had heard me shouting at her. Apparently they don't raise their voice to her because it s
"threatening" "Unco-opertive" "aggressive" etc etc.
Well i did shout at the child, twice, for the following reason

She is a child who goes around in a dream everything takes for ever with her, the 6 minute walk to school takes 20 minutes on the days i have her. Well, on the way to school, which is when the granny heard, we had crossed the road, and X had stopped, in the middle of the road, and was singing and dancing going lalalalalala. I got over the other side, and shouted "X, get off the road", no response, shes still going lalalalala.I had to adandon my 2 ds, double buggy and toddler on roadside and go back into middle of raod to get her.

On the way home from school, again with 2 ds, double buggy and toddler, the rain came on suddenly. We were all standing round in the rain like idiots whilst she's dancing round the trees in the playground, an still going lalalalala. I shouted at her to come on, she did eventually, but i had to aske her three times and then go and grab her hand. I told her that we had all got wet standing around waiting for her.

At this rate i'm the one whos going lala. The dad wasn't pepared to listen to what i had to say and told me that they left thier daughter with me and expected me to treat her the same as i would treat my own. Well if my two were standing in the middle of the road i would shout at them too.
I am really angry, but now i have written it all down i can calm down a bit now, and take deep breaths. Sorry for ranting, i just get so fed up with childminding sometimes

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Blu · 23/01/2006 14:51

I can see that it is infuriating that she won't co-operate, but I hold my 4.5 year-olds hand when we cross the road because I can't be certain that he won't be distracted by the need to do a quick dance routine half way across. He does walk much quicker and better if he is holding hands.

soapbox · 23/01/2006 14:47

TBH - I'd be as worried about the fact that she was in the middle of the road as well!

I think a bit more shepherding is required here, or M&D need to find someone who has less children to look after who can hold hands with her.

Original poster
saltire · 23/01/2006 14:46

my ds are 8 and 6. The two in the buggy are twins, age 2, and the toddler, who i don't have every morning is three. Child X is 4 1/2, and at school. I live litterally around the corner from the school, out my door, up the street, cross the road ( not a busy main road) and round the corner.
I know a lot of kids dawdle, and this one really does, but i felt that in the circumstances ie i had asked her twice to get off the road, i had to shout to get her attention, she just doesn't listen. At 41/2 a child is old enough, i feel to be able to walk beside a buggy without holding on.
They seem to be unhappy about the fcact that i shouted at her. They don't seem to have grasped the fact that she was in the middle of the road, and would not move.

OP posts:
soapbox · 23/01/2006 14:46

I'd be unhappy if someone shouted at my child. I don't and manage perfectly well, so I wouldn't expect anyone else to.

I think you need to think of different tactics to keep her moving. A sticker chart for getting to school within a specified time period etc.

I think the problem is that some people are just shouters and some aren;t. I suspect it is quite hard to change either way! I think perhaps the mindees parents need to find someone in the no shouting school. That way everyone is happy!

KateF · 23/01/2006 14:44

Find it hard to believe people wouldn't shout to a child dancing about in the road to get out of the road. I suppose what one would call a "shout" another would call a "call".

compo · 23/01/2006 14:40

Omega2 - 'This child sounds like she needs a good kick up the backside' - not very helpful...
I would sit down with the parents and talk to them calmly about the situation and ask them to explain again what they are unhappy about

Blu · 23/01/2006 14:39

Are your 2 ds's IN the buggy, or are there another 2 in the buggy?

Blu · 23/01/2006 14:38

x-posted.

Blu · 23/01/2006 14:38

I asked how old she is because i wondered if she is old enough to be doing this walk without holding on to your hand / buggy. Yes, she sounds a dreamer . dawdler, but many many young children are, and it sounds to me as if the issue is having too many kids of a young age to be walking like this. Is there a way of re-arranging them so that you can get them all there without shouting at her?

Sorry to be blunt.

Original poster
saltire · 23/01/2006 14:36

She's 4 and a half,I try to get her hold onto the buggy, if only so we can go a bit faster, but she told me today "My mummy and daddy told me i'm a big girl now so i don't want to hold on".
At the risk of sounding like a total cow, the parents aren't the brightest bulbs in the box, which i think rubs off a bit on the child. She lies a lot as well, she tells them that i won't give her a snack during the hour (8-9) that she comes in the morning, she tells me that they haven't given her any breakfast.

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NotAPooEatingZebra · 23/01/2006 14:35

I'm afraid I'm with the parents.
i don't think i would shout at my own children for that behavior, tbh. Not as a first reaction, maybe never. I would forcibly move her & start offering treats or making threats, though.
It would bother me if childminder shouted at my child under those circs. If you did shout I'd want you to tell me, and say sorry but best I could do at the time. If you can't think of a better tactic ask parents to suggest what would work better (since it's their child who they presuambly understand better).
One thing that bothers me is that your mindee sounds like a SN child who I know, who really can't help but be in dreamland. She wasn't recognised as such until she got to school, though.

lunavix · 23/01/2006 14:33

How old is she? If she isn't at school then maybe you should tell her she'll be tied up with reins if not.

I'd wait till you see the parents next and explain - calmly - the situation. They should put safety before tone of voice!

I think one of my mindees mum thinks I'm a little harsh - for fighting throwing toys etc mindees (and ds!) are sat on the step for 1 or 2 minutes, slapping punching or anything horrible like biting results in bed for 5 minutes. She tends to pick them up and cuddle them while saying 'dont do that', but she must think I'm doing a good job because she hasn't said anything! Apart from once asking curiously 'how often does ds go to bed??'

KateF · 23/01/2006 14:29

Parent is totally out of order IMHO. I expect my childminder to discipline my dd just as I would, especially about safety. She's only 17 months at the moment but I'm sure a few shouts will be necessary when she reaches 2 . Hope you feel better for ranting.

omega2 · 23/01/2006 14:28

I would have done exactly the same as you! This child sounds like she needs a good kick up the backside!!!!! How old is she? If she is walking that slowly and stopping in the middle of the road i would make her hold on to buggy until she speeds up or is more reponsible.

Blu · 23/01/2006 14:28

How old is she?