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Original poster

Just been Lectured to by one of my mindees parents! Need to rant

215 replies

saltire · 23/01/2006 14:24

Sorry, this is a bit of rant but i need to get it out of my system. I have just had a lecture from one of my mindees parents about me using "loud and intimidating" voice tones whne talking to his dd!!!!!!

Apparently one of his wifes friends overheard me shouting at the mindee last week, and told the parents. Then later the same day, the mindees Gran had heard me shouting at her. Apparently they don't raise their voice to her because it s
"threatening" "Unco-opertive" "aggressive" etc etc.
Well i did shout at the child, twice, for the following reason

She is a child who goes around in a dream everything takes for ever with her, the 6 minute walk to school takes 20 minutes on the days i have her. Well, on the way to school, which is when the granny heard, we had crossed the road, and X had stopped, in the middle of the road, and was singing and dancing going lalalalalala. I got over the other side, and shouted "X, get off the road", no response, shes still going lalalalala.I had to adandon my 2 ds, double buggy and toddler on roadside and go back into middle of raod to get her.

On the way home from school, again with 2 ds, double buggy and toddler, the rain came on suddenly. We were all standing round in the rain like idiots whilst she's dancing round the trees in the playground, an still going lalalalala. I shouted at her to come on, she did eventually, but i had to aske her three times and then go and grab her hand. I told her that we had all got wet standing around waiting for her.

At this rate i'm the one whos going lala. The dad wasn't pepared to listen to what i had to say and told me that they left thier daughter with me and expected me to treat her the same as i would treat my own. Well if my two were standing in the middle of the road i would shout at them too.
I am really angry, but now i have written it all down i can calm down a bit now, and take deep breaths. Sorry for ranting, i just get so fed up with childminding sometimes

OP posts:
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jillyjay · 25/01/2006 10:17

alot of working parents don't have to deal with these everyday problems so how they would react in the same position they can't say.

jillyjay · 25/01/2006 10:17

alot of working parents don't have to deal with these everyday problems so how they would react in the same position they can't say.

ThePrisoner · 23/01/2006 21:21

In my care, I have to say that the parents I mind for happily accept my rules. We use a buggy, reins, wrist straps ... you name it, I use it. The younger schoolchildren (I have two only-just 5 year olds) will hold the buggy or my hands. It has never occurred to me that I should ask the parents if this is OK. Parents trust me with their children, and their safety is paramount.

saltire - I think you are in a difficult position. If parents decided that their dd no longer needed to hold hands/buggy, then they should have told you straight after Christmas. And then you could have explained that it wouldn't be safe for you to do it that way.

I think that most parents will accept that, sometimes, a childminder may need to do something a little different to the way the parents would do it. I bet that every single one of us childminders who've posted on here will have different rules for different circumstances (not just out walking and crossing roads). I try to ensure that the parents know how I operate, but I am sure that I still surprise them from time to time.

oops · 23/01/2006 19:32

Message withdrawn

agalch · 23/01/2006 18:06

FWIW saltire i don't think you did anything wrong in this situation.I think the parents were at fault for telling the child she doesn't have to hold hands anymore.As a childminder i know how hard it is to make parents understand that them having 1 child to run round after is very different to looking after 4/5 kids especially when one of them is not doing what they need to eg holding onto buggy and staying safe.

Original poster
saltire · 23/01/2006 18:03

I have
my 2 ds aged 8 and 6.
I have twins aged 2 (part time)
i have a toddler age 3 (part time)
and child x, almost 5, goes to school every day.

I am registered in Scotland and was told by my Care Commission officer that for the purposes of registration, when a child leaves nursery/pre school and attends full time school it is classed in the over 5 group, even if said child is still 4.

OP posts:
Hulababy · 23/01/2006 17:57

On the sure start website it says:

Children aged four attending ten early education sessions a week may be classed as children over five years for the purposes of the adult:child
ratio.

ssd · 23/01/2006 17:55

saltire, where were you registered? I'm in Scotland too and I was told 3 under age 5 is my limit and that only changes when the child turns 5, not when they leave nursery?

rummum · 23/01/2006 17:55

I've just found a site about ratio's... [not sure if its in date... do say if its wrong]

child ratio ? childminders are registered to care for up to 3 children of pre-school age and 3 children of school age. This low adult ? child ratio allows for children?s individual needs to be met.

How many children did you have...
6 yours going to school
8 "
2 twins
2 "
4 1/2 year old
3 year old

How is this possible.........

RTKangaMummy · 23/01/2006 17:53

What about a wrist strap for her and your wrist then she can't dordel when crossing the road

Stylish · 23/01/2006 17:53

I think the OP has to be careful with holding X's hand if parents don't want her to as it seems the gran is a bit of a nosy moo and may report back to the parents if she spots it.

So saying while X is in my care she will hold my hand is fine in theory, if the parents still continue their "big girl" line and the OP is forced to hold X's hand, it could get nasty.

Just my 2 cents

ssd · 23/01/2006 17:53

BTW and I'm really sorry to say this but I think if a childminder has to shout at a mindee she's got too many to look after and is stressed out with them all.

I should know, have packed in minding as it got me stressed and I felt I was starting to take it out on the kids (I don't normally shout either).

Hulababy · 23/01/2006 17:52

rummum - found this for you...nothing specific about differences for when outside though.

The maximum numbers of children for whom a childminder may care are as follows:
6 children under 8 years of age;
Of these 6, no more than 3 children may be under 5 years of age;
And of these 3, normally no more than 1 child may be under 1. However, a childminder may be registered to care for 2 children under 1 where they can demonstrate that they can meet and reconcile the varying needs of all the children being cared for.
Exceptions to these ratios can be made for siblings and to provide continuity of care in certain circumstances approved by Ofsted.
Any care provided for children aged 8?14 is not allowed to adversely affect the care provided for children under 8.

Proper arrangements are made so that children are escorted safely to local parks, playgrounds or the equivalent on a regular basis. The childminder ensures the safe control of children whilst out walking.

Original poster
saltire · 23/01/2006 17:52

Thanks for your comments, yes ,even the ones telling me i was in the wrong.
It's interesting to see how other childminders look at the situation ( i am assuming that all replies aref rom minders!)
I have probably written it down to sound worse than it was, i didn't just leave the child in the middle of the road, she was holding onto the buggy, then let go "cos shes a big girl" and i could still see her beside me, then we got over the road, and there she was in the middle.
I may come across as a totally irresponsible childmidnder, but i'm not , honestly. I have a few children, most of whom come on a part time basis, i never go over my numbers. The four year old goes to school, so she doesn't count as an under five not sure about in England, but in scotland a child is classed as being "over five" from the day they leave nursery, even if they are still four. I enjoy my job, and for the most part have a good relationship with all my parents. I just felt that in this case the parents have chosen to focus on the fact that i called loudly (not screamed or hollered) to their child twice, not about the fact that she seems to do as she pleases, and because they tell her she's a big girl and doesn't have to hold their hand, then she feels she doesn't need to do it with me.

OP posts:
agalch · 23/01/2006 17:51

Don't know but i'm registered for 6 under 16 years.

agalch · 23/01/2006 17:49

Saltire i would get parents round for a friendly chat and lay down the ground rules,eg holding buggy all the way to school etc.I wouldn't be leaving 10 minutes early just so she can dawdle and lalala.I would tell parents for safety reasons for the child and your other mindees she must hold on.Noone has said what might have hapened to other mindees who you had to leave at the other side of the road.If parents dont agree to back you up i would give notice,the buck stops with you if the child gets herself knocked down.I have had children refuse to tidy up because they say that mummy or daddy say its my job cos i get paid enough!! i wish i got paid enough lol

ssd · 23/01/2006 17:49

saltire, sorry if this has been asked, but if you have 4 under 5 is that allowed?

I'm a c/mider registered for 3 under 5, I was told this was the legal limit?

sorry if you've answered this already!!

HappyMumof2 · 23/01/2006 17:48

Message withdrawn

rummum · 23/01/2006 17:47

I just wondered what is the legal child/adult ratio for a childminder?

misdee · 23/01/2006 17:40

i would just say to the parentsthat when X is with me, she WILL hold hands or i wont be looking after her anymore. whilst she is in my care then i will decide when she is old enough not to hold hands/buggy as i dont want to resposible for your wonderful special big girl being knocked over by a car. i have other childrens safety to consider as well as your dd's.

Clayhead · 23/01/2006 17:36

Hula, that ratio (1:2) is a legal requirement for 4 year olds out with nursery/Pre-School, with good reason I think!

Personally, I think mindees parents need to be told you will be holding her hand but don't know how easy telling them is in practice, if they don't agree.

Hulababy · 23/01/2006 17:32

Then the time may have come to give them the alternative - follow childminder's rules (i.e. holdin on) or find alternative child care. Simialrly if they don't like the shouting/raised voices then maybe this is the wrong childminder for them.

Blandmum · 23/01/2006 17:31

I think that the parents are putting you in a near impossible situation if they do not support you in getting the child to hold your hand or the buggy. I don't think that they realise that looking after multiple children needs a tighter level of control than coping with one or two.
If they can't get her to comply, and will not let you grab her by the hand, they may well have to look at other forms of child care that meet their particular needs.

crunchie · 23/01/2006 17:31

And the parents weren't cross at teh child being left in teh road, it was about Saltire Shouting.

Hulababy · 23/01/2006 17:30

Oh and if the child refuses to hold hands/hold on when asked, then make her hold hands. Hold her hand firmly (but without excess force) and tell her this is the way it is. And make sure the parents know the rules - tell them if she won't/they don't supprort they need to look elsewhere. I am afraid crossing the road on their own at 4 isn't on IMO - too much risk involved.