Just been Lectured to by one of my mindees parents! Need to rant

totally agree with you ladysherlock! i feel saltire did her best in teh circumstances, and as an ex childminder and a mum, i personally would not feel aggreived (sorry spelling) in that situation, that my child was shouted at. if she had been shouted at just for dawdling then i probably would have said, i would prefer it dealt with in a different way, but if she stopped in the middle of the road then i too would have called and then shouted if no answer, as any second a car could have come from nowhere and then who knows what else we may be talking about.

if as a parent you send your child to a minder, or indeed any other form of childcare, i think it is important that clear boundaries are met between the two of you as to waht is and isn't acceptable care of your child, this includes methods of discipline and punishment that you do/do not agree with. as saltire said things had been fine until recently when the parents had begun to undermine her authority in fornt of the child.

and fwiw if a child is seen as a big clever girl of almost five i would expect her to be able to cross the road without holding hands and without stopping int eh middle of the road, because she was aware of the dangers of what could happen if she did!

I am not a childminder, but a parent who wants her son to know the boundaries.

If that means shouting at him in the middle of the road, well so be it.

Saltires minddee was a child who used to hold on until Satire was undermined by the parents without any consultation. If they fail to grasp the fact that childminding and parenting is teamwork then perhaps they are not the sharpest knives in the box.

I'm afraid I have more sympathy with the parents too. I would be livid if a paid carer shouted at my child, and concerned that it was necessary for them to shout in order to avoid an accident in the road. You describe having to leave two children of your own, a double buggy and a toddler on the side of the road to go and retrieve her. That sound like a recipe for disaster to me and not what I would want for my daughter at all. I think giving them notice was definitely the right course of action. It sounds like a personality clash to me anyway. You described the parents as "not the brightest bulbs" - I found that rather off-putting in a professsional childminder taking care of their child. If I ever left my children with a childminder I would want a rather different attitude and approach. I have a difficult three year old who needs a firm hand, but shouting isn't a feature of his upbringing and I'm very pleased about it.

Good for you Saltire. Sounds like the right decision to me. Finding good childcare is hard, so they will probably regret undermining you - but that is their problem - not yours.

well done hun for giving them notice

I too am a parent not a minder and i would also expect my kids to abide by your rules whilst in your care

The Childminders Club comment was in response to your comment:

I think earlier posts were merely pointing out that this is a parenting site and as such is fairly likely to attract the views of parents, saltire. Sorry things have come to giving the child notice.

You gave them notice.

Way to go, well done, you are either in charge or you are not and in this situation you are clearly not as you are being undermined in the home.

Perhaps they will consider the role of CM in a more serious light next time.

saltire I see your point about children behaving differently in different circumstances. I know that my two behave differently at their grandparents, for instance. But I don't think it is to do with how many hours a day they see the child.

Hope you feel better now that you have given notice. The parents are obviously very inconsistent in their opinions - sounds like they go in for "act/speak now, think later" !

saltire - i used to be a childminder, but gave it up as i found that i was getting too stressed by other peoples childrens and that it was healthier for me and my child for me to go out to work and see him for a few quality hours a day when i wouldn't be so stressed.

i do agree with most of the posters on here, you don't sound as though you were being unreasonable when you shouted to get her attention, especially as she was stood in the middle of the road.it also sounds like the parents have quite a few issues with childcare. i would ask for a meeting with both of them and explain exactly your feelings on the matter, that you have tried to discipline X in a neutral manner but the conversations that are going on at home are undermining your authority when X is with you, and that unless an agreement is reached that X behaves in a certain way when she is with you, such as holding onto the buggy whenever you are out or holding your hand, then you will have to give them notice to quit as it is endangering the other children that you look after (e.g having to leave them at the side of the road while you go back to get X)

Just going to put my twopenneth in.

Have you spoken to the parents about the granny shouting?

As the parents are undermining you especially in front of the child I would call their bluff and say that you want them to find another childminder for child X. If they want you to look after child x then they support your view on holding hands etc. TBH I think this child seems to be a bit of a hassle - I actually feel sorry for her as her parents sound like muppets!

Saltire I would be seriously unimpressed with these parents. You really need to talk to them. My DS has been with a CM since September when he started reception aged 4 and a half. He understands perfectly that she has different rules to me. For instance, next to the school is a playing field and adventure playground area. Also fenced off, is a playground with slide/swings/roundabout. CM lets him play in the field and adventure area but not to go into the playground because it is very busy after school and she can't watch all the children in there (danger of being hit by swing etc). I let him go in there and take DD in with me because I only have the two of them.

She definitely needs to be holding on to the pushchair to cross the road.

Sounds like you don't like this kid very much at the moment. So you need to sort something out very fast as that's shite for all of you but especially the child. It's not her fault that her parents are undermining you. I think you need to be proactive, as this is the kind of thing that can fester and leave a nasty taste in everyone's mouth.

You are a good minder, no? So you should be able to rise to this challenge and have a good shot at rebuilding your relationship with this kid and her parents, I'd have thought. I think if you can work out a way to use your skills to mend the situation there could be a great outcome. I think you should use the next two weeks to attempt just that and then reassess the situation. Hopefully things will have improved but if there is no change then admit defeat and ask the parents to find another carer. Good luck!

Am a parent and agree with lady Sherlock.

The parents imho, are the real problem here.

If you minded my child and you wanted her to hold the buggy on a walk, then she would, and I would support you in that.

If on the other hand I had a problem with you, I would discuss it privately with you - to discuss with the child, or even in front of the child, totally undermines any authority you should have.

I'd be more annoyed if my childminder didn't yell at DD (4) to get her from the middle of the road!! You did nothing wrong.

SAltire, I completely agree that this girls parents are behaving outrageously.

I am not CM, I am a parent, and I would be very keen to know what safety arrangements any carer of my child put in place, and i would then emphatically ensure that my child co-operated.

CMs do have to deal with more children at any one time than m,ost parents, and I agree that parents need to co-operate with systems in place for that.

But to be honest, I wouldn't be happy with a CM who needed to cross roads with the number you do on your busiest days.

I hope Jillijay, and your comments about 'it's different for parents who only see their children for a few hours...' are specifically referring to an understanding that things need to be done a CM's way if it is to do with safety.

This thread isn't headed 'Childminders Club', and I am a bit askance that you seem to think that parents shouldn't have a view on how you get a gaggle of small kids over the road.

Hmmm...pretty strange attitude to think that it's normal that working parents know nothing about their children. Is this what childminders think?

Saltire

You are really working hard for your money, is it worth it ??

FWIW, I would be delighted if you shouted at my child if he was in the middle of the road.

I always supported my childminder in front of my child, once I disagreed with her but I waited until DS was in bed, rang and arranged to pop down for a chat and it was resolved.

It is that old adage never in front of the children.

And these people obviously have no respect for you, it is only going to get worse.

hiya hun

sorry you are having a rough time with this little girl.

maybe it is time to call it a day with her. you deserve to be treated better too.

you hit the nail on the head when you said different for a parent who only sees their child for an hours or so before tea, and a childminder who has the child during the day.
I used to work full time and new nothing realy about my kids- but thankfully i had my wake up call nd changed my hours to accomodate my kids too

The parents undermine your authority by talking to her about you. This is why she doesn't think she needs to listen to you. It's ridiculous.
I do think it sounds like you have a lot of children to look after though. This is why I personally don't use childminders, but that's a different discussion.

If they are stupid enough to say to their child they they will find another minder if you talk in a threatning manner again then imo you deffo need to get rid of the mindee.They will be picking you up on everything now and the mindee will realise all she has to do is tell mummy and daddy and they will get onto you.I really feel for you in this situation and i would be looking for someone to replace her asap!!

Saltire, I really sympathise with you and think you are in an impossible position. If my child refused to hold his childminders hand & then lingered in the middle of the road, I would be damn glad that he had been shouted at to get out of the road.
At the end of the day, the child's safety is uppermost. I think you should seriously consider whether you want to mind this child anymore because I don't think the parents are supporting you or listening to your concerns. If you decide to keep her, then I think you should put your concerns in writing as soon as possible with suggestions of how you can both work out methods for dealing with this child's behaviour.