Just been Lectured to by one of my mindees parents! Need to rant

OMG not again!!!!!!!!!!! Why shouldnt mums work if they want? Last time I checked it took TWO people to make a child. Why should one (merely cos he has a penis) get off scottfree on the childcre front.
And if people choose to send their kids to childcare cos they need a break then thats surely their business and not a problem. Better an unstressed and loving parent most of the tiem than a stressed parent ALL the time.

not at all. only came on here for first time yesterday.

fatcow, are you a namechanger?

p.s. i would far rather the occasional shout at my children than smacking them,which I have never had to do. I say shout, not scream

ssd comments are uncalled for. many nursery nurses may be qualified but we've all seen the tv documentarys havn't we. i know loads of cms who are nvq trained, they have to have insurance, they are inspected the same as schools and nurseries and have to be first aid trained. they can also undergo special needs training, etc etc etc. the training lists are endless and many i know have done lots of training. you can't generalise. you get bad pennies in all walks of life. my comment about working mums meant what it sounded like. NOT all mums have to work and if you really don't have to, DON'T. i know of parents who send kids to cms or nursery just for a break.....for goodness sake!

And eating chocolate as I type.

I was just about to call the Prisoner. But, she is here. Thank goodness.

Actually, Helly, I loved your first post here too!! You said what I was thinking (basically saltire was perfectly OK until parents changed their rules, so trashing saltire's safety rules).

Also loved Crunchie's post which reaffirmed that childminders are self-employed, and offer a service which parents can either choose or not choose. If you don't like a particular minder, for whatever reason, don't choose them!

Mutual Admiration Society membership forms available at a later date ...

Don't know if its bean mention but I would be more worried about the fact a 4.5 yr old was allowed to dawdle and stand in the middle of a road, and is allowed to do what she wants because she says her mum lets her. Shouting is all fair and well in the right context though. Sorry I don't want to agrivate this but wonder how this happened.

Very well put TP!!

I haven't posted on this yet as it all seemed to get a bit overheated. I come onto the childminder threads to help other minders, take advice for myself, pick up a few tips etc. It amazes me that this one has developed into such a frenzy, and I really hope that it doesn't put parents off using a childminder.

saltire - I also think that the parents undermined you big time. If this had been me posting this, I'd be absolutely gutted at some of these comments. We are encouraged to "work in partnership" with parents - I think most of us probably do, but it has to be a two-way thing. If you have totally differing views about something and no compromise is available, then the relationship is doomed.

I pride myself in being a professional childminder. I often do have lots of children in my care but I am not, as has been stated elsewhere, one of those who takes on as many children as I can just to make money. Most of my school mindees started with me as babies, and it has been a natural progression to be able to continue our relationship through nursery and into school. And then their parents have another baby, and the cycle continues. I'm not going to give notice to some of them just because, every now and again, all of them end up coming on an occasional afternoon after school.

The children know my rules (re. safety, behaviour etc.) and the parents know the rules. The parents have trusted me with their children. They expect me to keep them safe. The parents also expect me to deal with inappropriate behaviour in an acceptable way. It is preferable that we shouldn't "raise our voice" to discipline the children but, my God, if one of my mindees ended up in the road (or any other child from the school for that matter), no matter whose fault it was that they were there, you'd hear me shouting. None of this namby-pamby, "let's-not-be-negative-in-case-child-suffers-psychological-scarring" discussion with the child.

That's a real shame. But nice place to live though.

No, I'm far too mean

Seriously - I'd love to. But I live in Exeter and there aren't that many!!

Mean Old Mummy - perhaps you could make some friends local to you through Mumsnet?

Nice quiet ones.

I am Shouting Mummy, hear me roar!

And if that's the most violence they come across, I think that's pretty good going.

Walk away from the PC, Mom

At risk of having my OTHER head bitten off - I am the person who made the strongest comments about children being shouted at and the fact that I find it unacceptable. And I am not a working mother who knows nothing about the stresses of taking care of children (if such a creature exists, which I doubt), I am a SAHM with no local friends, a very unsupportive family and a phobia of babysitters. I haven't had a proper break in over three years. I do know how stressful and frustrating children can be. I just don't shout at my kids. I can't abide shouting. It doesn't mean that I never make mistakes with them or that I think I am a perfect mother.

I said I was going to leave this alone, but it's impossible.

Agreed Tanzie - especially when the 'all day' is actually an hour before school and a couple of hours after school! Outweighs all of the hours that the parents spend with them!

Ah well, why let the facts get in the way of a good grumble

Gosh. Saltire, in my view (for what it's worth), the parents are completely at fault for undermining you. People responsible for children need to present a united front, or the children will think they can get away with murder (as Miss Laalaaland thinks she can). I too would have shouted at a child to get out of the road - I think that's perfectly acceptable if the child might be in danger. I have also (so shoot me now) smacked my DD's hand away from a hot cooker with a fish slice to stop her burning herself. It was the quickest thing I could think of.

Also slightly irritated by some of the posts on this thread that imply that working parents cannot know their children as well as the person who looks after them all day...

yes I'm sure it does depend on where you are.

Maybe I'm just picky but there are quite a few minders round here I wouldn't leave my dog with and I hate to see them with the kids they look after. Hope this is unusual.

ssd, I think it depends on where you are? My CM was a trained nurse and midwife and also had an NNEB qualification. I always felt she was better qualified to look after my kids than I was!

And if mine were in the road I would feel it quite approriate for her to shout at them.

Annie, I don't know about the other childminders on here, I'm a trained nursery nurse with nanny and childminding experience, for about 10 years. So I'd say I was trained as you say.

But I'm sorry to be blunt but in my area of around 15+ childminders I don't know of any who are what I'd called trained in childcare. They are all mums fitting minding around their families and treating it purely as a business.

When I was registered by the care commission there was more emphasis put on whether you had the correct smoke alarm and safety gates and paperwork in place than what training you've had done and how you actually work with children on a day to day basis.

Sorry to sound harsh and maybe my area is a lot different to everyone elses but that's what i see round here.

But then again most parents I meet are more interested in your prices than your training so maybe it's horses for courses.

I've been thinking about this thread a lot since I posted earlier. If I'm 100% honest, Bugsy2, yes, actually, I DO expect CMs and nannies to have more tolerance. Am I alone in that? They're not just a substitute pair of hands, they're trained to deal with children, surely? It's their livelihood to cope with the stresses of childcare.
For many of us who leave our children with a CM or nanny (CM in my case), it is such a leap of faith. The thought that the person might not be kind to them in any way is one that is literally unbearable. Now I expect you are a kind, loving person Saltire, and would never be unkind to your charges, but hearing about the shouting tapped into that mother's deepest fears for a moment. She might have handled it badly and it probably hurt you not to be trusted, but the fact remains that she probably felt upset on that very deep level. It's like, 'I can think my child can be a pain because I love her, but not you.'
And I'm sorry to say this, but your irritated description of the girl sounds like a cross mummy on mumsnet (hey, like me sometimes) at the end of a rough day. I think it's a good thing that you're parting ways.

I'm the same happymum.

I childmind only one child as I feel with me havibf 2 kids of my own then 3 is enough for me as I want to give them all attention. I see lots of childminders in my area with the max no. of kids all the time to make the most money possible.

I can';t see how they can give all the kids in their care much attention and to be honset from what I've seen a lot of them don't.

But we earn £2.75 per hour here and to make a living lots of these childminders have to have the max no. allowed.

As previously posted Childminders should be paid more than around £3 per hour then we wouldn't have to be looking after up to 6 kids at a time.

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