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Original poster

My nanny is taking the p**s and dont anyone try and tell me otherwise.......

206 replies

3rdcornet · 05/02/2012 17:14

Ive have emplyed 5 au pairs and 5 nannies. All of them bar 1 have taken the piss out of me to varying degrees.

The current so to be not one is a nanny/HK to my 2 teenagers. `fully ofsted registered and paid £26k a year live in ( in Manchester ).

I have discovered she is taking some ( not all ) of our laundry to the local ironing service and paying for it out of the kitty. Treating her self to lunch and coffee out of the kitty most days ( usually in Starbucks ) and shopping exclusively for her food for her self contained accomodation on the family credit card ( which is for work use only ) in Marks and Spencesr when she shops for the children in Morrisons and won't eat what they are eating.

On top of that she is she says too busy to do cleaning yet most days is somewhere other than my house in our car. I know this because we have randomdly popped home during the day and she is out in our car not hers and I can see where she has been using the credit card......35 miles in the opposite direction to the one school run she needs to do a day.

She also sneaks things for her own home through amazon on our account too. Ive found the delivery notes in the bin !!!

Dear God I feel a fool. I thought I could trust this one. The others have mainly been worse. The one before faked a family death to get a months compassionate leave and snuck off to America on holiday. She never came back !!

Oh well. You live and learn. I will never employ a nanny again Thank goodness and good luck and my commiserations to all of you who unfortunately still have no choice.

Im here for advice !!!!!!!Coz I got it so right !

OP posts:
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LynetteScavo · 05/02/2012 20:23

There is far more to this than we know.

The hoover bags sound like a bit of an issue here. Are they for the hoover in her accommodation? TBH, I would expect you to provide hoover bags for that hoover.

If you will never employ a nanny again, who will care for your DC?

nenevomito · 05/02/2012 20:22

I think you're right that she has got comfortable. Maybe she got away with it once or twice, saw it hadn't been noticed and then went further and further.

I think you're right to have that talk with her and I can see why you would want to keep her as she's worked with you for so long, but would you be able to trust her again? You need to think now about what steps you'll put in place to stop her from doing it again.

HolyNoSheDittantBatman · 05/02/2012 20:21

I do think £50 on food for one person is a bit much if that helps, but I don't think it constitues dishonesty or theft.

Original poster
3rdcornet · 05/02/2012 20:21

I am more than happy her to drive my car to do the family shopping. She passes 3 large supermarkets o her way to school.

But not to go 35 miles in the opposite direction during the working day when she should be doing my ironing to shop in M and s for her food !!!

Surely you dont think that is reasonable ?

OP posts:
Original poster
3rdcornet · 05/02/2012 20:18

we changed cleaners last summer as my old one retired and I suggested that she could take on the role as the boys were older and she declined and said she didnt have time to do that and everything else she had to do.

She isnt a raging theif. I never said that at all.

She has just become I think very comfortable thinks we can afford it and I dont check up. She knows that I dont ask for receiptes anymore and I have told her outright that Im not bothered about seeing them because I trust her.

We had this convo after she had been with us about a year.

She has betrayed my trust.

I will not sack her. But I will discuss with her tomorrow . If she cannot explain to my satisfaction then she will be my ex nanny/HK.

I guess its interesting to know from you all that you generally think that the food expenditure is not unreasonable when I think that is outrageous ! She has time to bake a cake if she wants one not spend £4 on a Mand S one to scoff all by herself !!!

OP posts:
lisad123 · 05/02/2012 20:13

So maybe she did the school run and then needed to go to the shop. Is she expected to drive back to change cars?
How do you know she's not gone to get shopping and stopped for coffee.
If you hadn't agreed food budget for her then you need to. I wouldn't want to eat what teenagers eat either.

HolyNoSheDittantBatman · 05/02/2012 20:09

There has to be, no-one finds a receipt for hoover bags from Amazon (that was listed on their statement, so not a secret) and decides that their beloved nanny of five-years is a raging theif and must go immediately.

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 05/02/2012 20:08

10 nannies/au pairs - 9 others all worse than this one, of course there's more to it Wink

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 05/02/2012 20:07

If she's not supposed to be doing your cleaning, why did you write ...

On top of that she is she says too busy to do cleaning yet most days is somewhere other than my house in our car

HmmConfused

Of course it's hard to confront someone in this situation, but you have your kids to think about and you need to find a way through this instead of stropping and threatening to fire her.

Heyyyho · 05/02/2012 20:07

Somehow I feel there is more to this...

nannynick · 05/02/2012 20:04

What else has changed in the last 3 months? Maybe it would help to look at what has triggered this... she hasn't been spending amounts in the past which you felt were unreasonable (fair to say that?) yet in the last 3 months she has been spending money on things that you don't consider reasonable... why? What's changed? Family problems? Boyfriend trouble? Health concerns?

Talk to them about it. Highlight the things you have noticed and ask why things have changed from how they were in the past.

Is removing the credit card an option? Does she really need it?

longjane · 05/02/2012 20:03

has she been ill these last few weeks ?
making her unable to do the ironing?
what is the kitty money for?
hover bags ......
if you dont want her buying the kids food from morrsons say so
and you always buy all food for live in

ThatVikRinA22 · 05/02/2012 20:01

OP, you need to calm down and then just sit down with her, with a list of all you are unhappy about, and speak to her.

Do you have any kind of discipline procedure in your contract?

you cant really just sack someone because you have assumed she is doing these things - you surely after 5 years owe it to her and your sons to sit and talk to this woman and ask her about the spending etc?

yes of course, if her role is washing/ironing and she is taking it to a laundry to do then its not on - but buying hoover bags - really??? they might fit your hoover.

you need to stop jumping to conclusions and talk to her. There may well be a pefectly innocent explanation and she maybe just feels after 5 years that she is able to make these types of decision without consulting you.
you need to put her straight.
talk to her. then decide what to do. You sound as though you do not give out very clear rules or boundaries and expect your nannies to be mind readers.

Original poster
3rdcornet · 05/02/2012 19:57

woah !

She doesnt clean for me at all. I pay £100 a week for a cleaner on top.

She does before and afterschool care so 7 to 8am and pick up which is 5ish most days after school matches until 6.30pm.

In between she does house washing and ironing and food shopping couple with the odd errand. Am I really working her so hard that she needs to sub contract the ironing ?

The nanny car is for work. Not personal journeys . Thats in her contract and quite usual unless agreed otherwise. Its not a company car.

the hoover bags were not for us at all.

£50 a week on ready meals and cake for her to scoff outside of working hours.
You are surely having a larf ??

OP posts:
TheSecondComing · 05/02/2012 19:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HolyNoSheDittantBatman · 05/02/2012 19:48

'But that is not relevant. If it wasnt authorised work expenditure its theft.'

Do you want her to consult with you every time she needs to buy small household items? Hoover bags ffs? The idea of having a housekeeper is so that they can deal with these things and you don't have to. Maybe she bought the wrong ones by mistake?! They were listed on your statement so she knew you would see, just because she didn't ask in advance doesn't make it theft!

'she started fraudulently writing cheques from her a/c and stealing large sums of money'

That isn't even remotely like ordering hoover bags from Amazon.

PQ77 · 05/02/2012 19:41

Op I would have been incredulous about your post had something similarish not happened to my boss. Live in nanny/hk for 7 years, part of the family and then suddenly - apparently just decided my boss had too much cash - she started fraudulently writing cheques from her a/c and stealing large sums of money. Police got involved and nanny was convicted for theft.

I am very sorry that someone who you thought of as part of the family and who your children are close to has taken the p*ss.

lisad123 · 05/02/2012 19:39

She's been with you 5 years. Have you bothered to ask her?
She hasn't hidden anything it's all listed. If she has a kitty to use each week, then it's up to her judgement on what to spend it on as an adult.
Do you want her to sped all day cleaning your house? She needs a lunch break and as for using your car, surely if she's at work she's entitled to use the work car.
What has she brought on cc?
£50 a week on food seems ok to me.

Original poster
3rdcornet · 05/02/2012 19:35

Her contract says that she is entitled to breakfast lunch and dinner whilst on duty.

Does anyone think that means she goes to Starbucks for lunch and buys food from m and S for her to eat in the evening after she finishes at 6.30pm ?

OP posts:
Original poster
3rdcornet · 05/02/2012 19:31

I know the chap who manages the cleaners. Have spoken to him this am. Yes she takes work shirts etc there to be ironed.

She often takes duvets and mattress toppers and suits etc to be drycleaned and we have discussed this in the past. Such as when we go on hols.

But the family washing and ironing is her specified role.

It is the most horrible thing to confront someone who has worked as part of your family for 5 years and whom your children adore and suggest that they are being less than honest in the execution of their role with you.

if anyone posts that they disagree with that last statement then I shall cry !!

OP posts:
LynetteScavo · 05/02/2012 19:25

I'm really torn with this, because I would never do what your nanny has done (and I've been in a similar position, but have refused to put certain things on bosses credit card my boss had OKayed, even though I knew my boss would probably never realise I had paid for the things myself), but your boys adore her, so I would be inclined to keep her on.

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 05/02/2012 19:24

Maybe the bags fit your hoover?

Does she have a separate hoover in her 'area'?

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 05/02/2012 19:23

mirpuppet - she has listed it all in the kitty/on the card statement - that's hardly theft fgs.

What is in her contract re food?

How sure are you the stuff wasn't dry cleaned?

Speak to her.

Original poster
3rdcornet · 05/02/2012 19:23

the one recipt I found was vacum bags for a vacum we dont own !

But that is not relevant. If it wasnt authorised work expenditure its theft.

OP posts:
HolyNoSheDittantBatman · 05/02/2012 19:21

What has she bought from Amazon? I think it what she bought is relevant to whether or not it is theft.