hmmmm parents home late again and my son 10th birthday hmmm

I really couldn't care less if Heswall is a tube driver or a surgeon... her attitude towards others just stinks.

A friend of mine is a heart surgeon, the most considerate man, hates to put people out - NO high 'n mighty attitude. One of my clients (whose child I look after) is an anaethetist, who has sole care most of the week of her child as DH is a TV journo and travels a lot... the child has never been picked up late... it's either her/a friend.

And what would you have said if you were going to the theatre?

What are your contracted working hours, MrsMicawber? You are entirely reasonable to say to anyone that you can't stay beyond those, especially if you have childcare issues.

IME, it's often those who haven't got children, or men who have wives/nannies to take care of their children, who behave like this. They need it to be pointed out to them, time and time again, that you can't just drop everything for them.

I know it's difficult, and that you feel you can't say anything, but that's why this kind of unreasonable behaviour keeps happening - it never gets challenged.

Heswall is having a right old laugh on this thread - I honestly think you should ignore her.

Happy have you spoken to the employers? I know it is extremely hard to do and you have to be assertive, but have you actually said to them "I'd like you to know how inconvenient it was for me to be kept working late again yesterday, especially as it was my ds's birthday, as you knew. I seem to be working late a lot and I'm afraid I'm not happy about that."

If you are going to leave anyway then you have nothing to lose.

Heswell you sound like a very considerate, understanding bundle of fun.

I'm not saying that no respect is due at all.

A quick search of Heswall's posts would suggest that she isn't a surgeon, and she's paying (according to he) £400 a week in childcare. So not a massive amount of pay for a nanny who is expected to work all hours under the sun.

She is raising issues about extreme employment cases just to make a specific point, I fear. Which is hardly sympathetic to the OP's particular case.

And you're right, OGP, there is no 'one size fits all' when it comes to employing a nanny in terms of day-to-day hours/role, etc.

But basic respect for an employee absolutely should be a 'one size fits all'

Judging by what Heswall said at Fri 03-Feb-12 10:18:43 she is a surgeon.

I think the nature of the employer's job / circumstances has a big bearing on the terms of employment. if I'm correct, Heswall can't walk out half way through an lumpectomy - or whatever - that needs more time than originally planned because the life of the patient could be at stake. Similarly she is in no position to call easily, although it may be possible to get someone to call on her behalf (obv I don't know the circs of her work).

If the OP's employers are, for example, lawyers then it is not so easy to accept their poor time-keeping or lack of communication as they can leave at any point.

SO in summary, there's a lot of aggro on here which is purely because everyone is assuming that we all work under the same circumstances. If I was a nanny to a Dr (and I have been) then I would work in the knowledge that sometimes things like that happen and flexibility is required. If I was a nanny to a lawyer then I would work in the knowledge that more rigid timekeeping and regular hours are to be expected.

As with most of these things: it's about managing expectations according to individual circumstances. There is no "one size fits all".

Btw I also have worked in theatre, if ops overrun its commen practise for surgeon to get other staff members to make phone calls home, no excuse at all.

"I do need a wife for want of a better description (i'm female and have a husband but a wife is what I need) and that is why we pay a premimum for a nanny."

No Heswall if you need a "wife for want of a better description" then what you hire is a HOUSEKEEPER not a nanny. Nannies are for looking after children, housekeepers are for doing the housework/collecting your dry cleaning/being at your beck and call.

Christ alive!

True... it's how the kids feel. As a CM I have the kids (contracted) for 10-12 hours every day.. the lil blighters are tired and just want their mum and dad after such a long day. I juggle 7 different families too - children are all part timers. If they all had the attitude of Heswall/the family I gave notice to, I'd just boil my head and be done with it! sigh

Well said Biwi.

Happychappy - I have never employed a nanny, but have never treated any of my childcare providers like you are being treated.

put her children first unlike all of us working mums who keep her in a job

Oh my. Are you a character from upstairs downstairs Heswall?

The sense of entitlement and superiority is

Heswall, reading this post and your other comments on the cm who takes her mother to the day care centre( selfish bitch) I actually think u r just winding everyone up for your own personal enjoyment.

I find your comments very funny anyway so well done.

That's sad.

What BIWI said.

Ultimately, what posters like Heswall are saying is that they are more important than the nanny and that their time, job and child has to take priority over another human being's own life (and child, in this intance). It is morally reprehensible.

Well I employed two nannies over a period of 14 years. In that time I travelled all over the UK and all over the world. But between my husband and I, the number of times our nanny had to give up any of her time can be counted on the fingers of less than one hand. And I often work evenings untill 10.30pm.

Yes, things happen. And if you're a surgeon/part of a surgical team/a doctor as Heswall appears to be, there will be times when emergencies happen. But you are one of a partnership as you have a DP.

There is no excuse for thinking you can own a nanny in the way that you imply. Even if they live-in, they are allowed to have their own time and their own lives!

It's selfish and completely lacking in respect.

Communication and planning are key in this regard, as are laying down the ground rules before you employ a nanny and before you take on the position as a nanny.

It's bloody hard work looking after children all day - the hours of a nanny are unlike any other - and let's not forget that it's often impossible for them to have a break or a lunch break either!

Happy... arrive late to work every day (without texting them even) and see how understanding they will be ;)

Honestly... we ALL have busy lives and it's only decent to treat others the way you would wish they'd treat you. It goes both ways.

Sadly though, we live in a selfish 'I am all important, sod everyone else' society (as is very evident in this thread).