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hmmmm parents home late again and my son 10th birthday hmmm

135 replies

happychappy · 02/02/2012 18:54

not happy

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
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anniemac · 07/02/2012 12:45

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pollywollyhadadollycalledmolly · 06/02/2012 04:47

I worked in a call centre once is what tht should say

pollywollyhadadollycalledmolly · 06/02/2012 04:46

callaird it's called back shift :D lol I worked in a callee tee once and that was my favourite shift! Maybe a new career choice? Lol cos I don't think you get back shifts in the nannying world so much

Blondeshavemorefun · 05/02/2012 10:24

noway waves back- exactly-its the LACK of respect that op's employers showed her by leaving it so late to call

btw we have snow Angry :(

and wow at heswell attitude - yes some employers may not be able to just leave there jobs at their finish time, but they can get someone to call or ring and in this instance on this thread it was pure laziness that they didnt get home on time or even call the op to met her make arrangements on an important day

Fraktal · 03/02/2012 19:48

It does all come down to communication. I had bosses who travelled a lot. MB was great, called me or texted as soon as anything went awry. DB once called me from London saying he'd just missed his Eurostar when he was due home 15nmins later. Eh? what? just missed? Eurostar takes 15 mins since when?! He knew he was going to be late, had known for ages and didn't care to tell me. MB I was fine with, DB and I had issues.

Now we have a nanny we make damn sure we communicate anything planned far in advance (eg DH is deployed, I need to leave early so we need her to start early - this is agreed in the contract) and if there were to be unavoidable delays (cyclone alert, my car breaks down and DH's office is in crisis) I would let her know right away. To do otherwise is just unfair.

I get the idea of paying for flexibility (I feel we do) but that also goes both ways and we make it abundantly clear at every stage that due to DHs job we need more than most, and that shit does happen and not infrequently so he cannot be relied on, therefore if I have a problem it becomes nanny's problem (and I would pay overtime and bring her chocolate to apologise). The OPs situation wasn't an emergency though, just inconsiderate.

happy it's not worth being unhappy over. Look for a new job Sad

callaird · 03/02/2012 19:37

It's not that you have to stay late Mrs Micawber, it's when you are due to finish at 7pm, it takes employers 90 minutes to get home, yet they call at 7:10 and say "dreadfully sorry, we are just leaving the office"! If they called as soon as they know they are going to be late, it gives you time to re-arrange things.

I have fantastic bosses. They have been late twice in three months due to traffic but as soon as they get stuck they call me, if I have plans, I can call and change them, if not, at least I know roughly what time to expect them and they always give me a lie-in the next day or later inthe week! I'd work til 10pm if I could have a lie-in every morning!!

LikeAnAdventCandleButNotQuite · 03/02/2012 19:14

I know as a childminder, should a parent not appear, and are un-contactable, SS can be called. It is a difficult situation when you are in their home.

I'd be pissed off.

SauvignonBlanche · 03/02/2012 19:11

OP needs to start looking for another job!

Northernlurker · 03/02/2012 19:08

I don't believe anybody is completely unable to ask for a call home. It's not 'personal', it's perfectly reasonable and normal for this to occur. Heswall is not the only parent working in surgery! Hmm

arghmyear · 03/02/2012 18:54

The OP is a nanny who is not being paid a premium to provide all hours services. Her employers are disgraceful. At the end of the day, they are responsibile for their own child, regardless of their profession. If they don't have time, perhaps they need to employ 2 nannies. 1 for the day and 1 for the night. The OP has not signed up to be a slave and it is not fair to treat her as one.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 03/02/2012 18:50

But it always matters that I am right, hohoho! WinkGrin

hohohoshedittant · 03/02/2012 18:38

I'm not sure it really matters!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 03/02/2012 18:38

Heswall also said, "There will be other days when I will be stuck in theatre..." - that sounds to me far more like she's referring to the surgical kind than the dramatic kind.

purits · 03/02/2012 18:33

Heswall didn't say she "worked in theatre". She said that she "worked in a theatre". Subtle difference. Are we talking dramatic theatres here?

Thetokengirl · 03/02/2012 18:25

I AM a surgeon. I have a Nanny who works long hours and I would NEVER be late like this. If I'm operating in the afternoon, then dh will make sure he is home. Ok, there are the odd occasions that we have been late but we will let our Nanny know as soon as we can and give her time back or pay her extra. Also, if we knew she had a special event one particular evening we would be absolutely sure to get home in time.
This has nothing to do with the expectations that people should have about their Nanny, this is just totally unacceptable and shows a total lack of respect.
This behaviour has really made me angry Angry

thebody · 03/02/2012 18:14

Yes agree with you.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 03/02/2012 18:13

Thebody - I agree that it is rude to be constantly late - I just didn't agree with you that only the direst, and most rare of emergencies are reasons for a parent to be late.

I have to say that I can't think of that many occasions when I was working in theatre, when it wouldn't have been possible for someone to make a quick call if neccessary. It might have to wait a few minutes until someone was free to do it, but it would be quite rare for it to be utterly impossible.

thebody · 03/02/2012 18:09

I think to b fair it's a case of communication and understanding between the parent and carer with both respecting each others personal lives.

Which I guess we all agree on I suspect.

Heswall · 03/02/2012 18:03

I didn't say I was.
But I do work within a theatre and it's not always as simple as asking somebody to make a phone call for you either, especially not a personal one.

thebody · 03/02/2012 18:00

As a nursing sister, now a cm, i do actually

understand the way theatre works.

No one is suggesting a leaving a patient to die on the table!
All theatres have at least 2 non s rubbed runners who often make phone calls for those scrubbed. I have done this on many occasions.

Incidentally haswell isn't a surgeon!

It's rude to be constantly late to pick up your child from care, be that from nanny, cm or nursery.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 03/02/2012 15:12

That's not true, thebody. If, as we believe, Heswall is a surgeon/anaesthetist or operating theatre nurse, she cannot leave in the middle of an operation. It is very rare for a surgeon or scrub nurse to be relieved during an operation, for reasons of safety and continuity of care, so if a theatre list runs late - because an earlier case has complications that make it longer than its predicted length, or because an emergency case is put into the list, or because one of the surgeons is called away to deal with something else - then the list can, and often does, go on past the time it's supposed to finish - and basically the staff in that theatre have to stick with it until it is done. The surgeon then has to write up operation notes and may well have to see other patients, and the nurses have to clean up the theatre and see to the instruments. If you are lucky, someone will come in to help you or relieve you, but in my experience, you basically just had to finish on your own.

And this is by no means the only job that has unpredicatable elements to it, and many people have jobs that they cannot simply walk away from at 5pm. If the phone rings with something urgent, or a minor crisis occurs, it may mean that a parent has to stay to deal with it.

However, no-one has the right to be late without explanation or apology, or on a regular basis without prior arrangement; and communication is vital. As Happy said - had she known earlier that her employers were going to be late, she could have made alternative arrangements and not missed her son's birthday party. And if you have the sort of job where you may be detained at work past your nominal finishing time, then you make this clear to any nanny you employ, you find one who is happy to be flexible, and you remunerate her suitably for that flexibility - and crucially you don't take advantage of her flexibility - so if she has another commitment/appointment/family occasion to go to, and does need you to be home on time, you make sure that happens.

thebody · 03/02/2012 13:33

A parent needs only to be late in an extreme emergency which by nature are few and far between. It's just rude.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 03/02/2012 12:06

It's based on what Heswall herself has said here, Olympic - but maybe it is a bit harsh. However I don't think it Heswall has painted a particularly nice picture of herself as an employer.

But even ignoring the last paragraph, I believe I have made some valid points - that Heswall could get a colleague to ring home if she is scrubbed and can't get to the phone herself, so there's no excuse for not letting her nanny know she's going to be late, and also that treating her nanny with such a lack of respect and consideration is going to lead to a high turnover of nannies, which will not be good for her child. Do you disagree with either of these points, Olympic?

OlympicGoldPennies · 03/02/2012 11:47

SDTG - that's a rather thinly veiled personal attack IMO.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 03/02/2012 11:44

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