A WWYD really - finding relationship with AP very difficult since she's patently keen on DH

maybe I am a bit careful but tbh I think I am professional, and its always best to text both parents anyway incase one doesnt see text.

the dad thing is probably because I used to be matey with one of my close friends husbands, textin Jokes etc and one day he lunged at me and tried to kiss me as he thought I fancied him.

Some men have egos the size of planets and brains the size of peas so yes I take great care with 'my' dads

fucking sack the slag!!!! really!

Yep. Not one you want hanging around for long. Hope she's planning to go back to her home country when she's finished.

she souinds a silly little cow and very unprofessional.

I am a cm and I NEVER EVER text a dad unless he texted me first and if I need to send a text to a dad re pick up I always send it to mum as well.

texting at 1 am just shows how immature she is and if you and your mum get the vibe she is flirting with him then she is.

get rid of her together if you legally can.

I don't see that she's done anything so terrible, but if you don't feel it is working out you can just give her notice and let her go. How much is the notice period in her contract?

If you want her to leave early though you should pay her flight imo. And if you intend to pay her notice instead of letting her work it then you definitely need to make sure she can get home.

This isn't a gross misconduct situation so you can't sack her on the spot, you do need to give her the correct notice.

Bear in mind as well that if you haven't mentioned the issues to her/instigated a disciplinary procedure and given her the opportunity to improve, you can't out them in a reference.

And she didn't text OP did she? Just the husband.

wannabe it was more than just the one text.

I was the one who suggested it might be six weeks.

I've had three au pairs, still fairly new to it compared to some people on here but ime it is not normal for these girls to do something like what your AP is doing with the 'host dad.' For a start most of the ones I have known (mine and a neighbours) perceive anyone over 25 as 'old.' Befriending on Facebook is one thing, but they normally have other social aims and objectives than texting the host parents at odd hours.

Does she hang out with you guys as a couple at all?

OP do you need her help to be able to go to work? Have you lined up a replacement?

Has she done anything weird since the 1 am text, i.e. carried on texting?

If she is going at the start of March and nothing else has happened AND you need her help, I'd leave it but put DH on notice not to engage with any solo texting/socialising with her.

people text me at 1 AM. They don't fancy me, and if I'm awake I will text them back. Some people are just like that about texting.

I would feel uncomfortable about the AP texting quite that comfortably with my dh, but is it possible she's just very sociable and this is just how she is? Living in someone's house I can imagine that it's hard to maintain the purely employer employee professional relationship all the time and that it's possible to develop a sense of familiarity that you wouldn't in any other employer employee type relationship.

If he hadn't responded to her texts she may genuinely have wondered if there was anything wrong and texted purely out of concern. I don't think that a text at 1 in the morning can mean only one thing. If she's young she may just not have that social know-how to realize that texting your employer on a friendly basis and that texting them at 1 in the morning isn't really appropriate.

She only has six weeks left to work for you. Given you presumably have to give her a month's notice I would just let it go and be glad when she's gone in six weeks. I wouldn't make a big deal over just one text.

Spike
I suspect that there were more than these two incidents that have led the OP to think that the AP is after her husband, since other members of her family have noticed.

There does have to be a certain distance between aupair and the family she works for. As an aupair, you should know that they are your employers, not your friends.

Texting continually while on holiday, particularly late night texting, is not somethng that you do with your boss.

I wouldn't dream of texting my employer at 1am! I don't know any young person that would either.

Surely it's about boundaries?

Spike - absolutely agree with you that husbands cannot be 'stolen'. But I would not want an au pair who had so little respect for my family and/or so little self control that they were sending my DH texts at 1am. Or sending them to me actually. Or continually texting when on leave.

It's really odd behaviour

I would sack her, but do it together with your DH so that she sees that you are both in agreement.

It is inappropriate behaviour.

Do make sure that you are legally covered though, so that she cannot cause trouble.

As others have said I wouldn't want her living in my home (or working for me). Whether your H can be 'stolen' or not is nothing to do with it - she is being disrespectful and downright rude to her employer (ie you!), and texting your H at 1am is ridiculous!

Sack her together though (also have others have said, united front, etc).

I can see why you'd be uncomfortable - Spike it's not that your point: "She cant' steal him, unless he wants to be stolen" isn't VALID it's just that it's not helpful because honestly if the girl is mooning over the DH it's a bore and a pain and not very nice to be around and one has to feel comfortable in one's own home alongside the person who is looking after your kids.

I just can't work out the reason for the delayed response to the text.

I am totally confused and thought maybe this was a resurrected thread.

She spent xmas-new years in London. Were you there? Was she texting from her bedroom into your bedroom at 1 am?

It's almost the end of the month. What has happened in the intervening period? Did you just discover the text now?

Isn't she going in like six wks anyway?

Yes I would do it together - you are both unhappy with her inappropriate texting and so you both want her out of your house.

Out the house. Now.

Sack her together. United front and all that.

Sending a text at 1am strikes me as unhinged and, frankly, I wouldn't want her near my children.