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Original poster

Mum coming round to breastfeed in the middle of the day - yes or no?

41 replies

BartonStacey · 16/01/2012 18:24

Ds is starting with his childminder in a couple of weeks. I'm still breastfeeding him morning, nighttime and lunchtime and working only a few minutes away, so it would be very easy for me to come and breastfeed him at about 1pm, have a cuddle and save the faff of expressing/money for formula.

But would this be annoying/disruptive/unsettling from the childminder's point of view? I have mentioned it to her but am worried that she might not feel able to say no even if she would really prefer me not to disrupt the routine, given that she has two other mindees to look after as well.

All honest opinions gratefully received.

Thanks

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Clareypen · 28/01/2012 14:48

I think that is lovely, however from a practical point of view if CM has things arranged for the other children it would be a disruption to their day and may even affect your child- particularly if you had some unforseen circumstance when you couldn't make it for lunch time.
I expressed when I went back to work, it was easier for me, I was allocated a space to do it and had a special case to put into the fridge at work.
Good luck xx

SeriousWispaHabit · 24/01/2012 18:59

My CM used to bring DD2 in for a feed in-between my morning and afternoon surgeries (GP) and I had a lovely cuddle while signing repeat prescriptions. We were quite flexible about the time though and on the odd occasion she took them out for the day DD2 just had cows milk as it would only have been about one feed a fortnight and I hated expressing.

eastmidlandsnightnanny · 20/01/2012 14:17

If you want him to have milk in the day thats fine however he doesnt actually need that feed - I was demand feeding until I was due back to work when baby was 9mths and at 8mths we cut down to 3 feeds a day at 7am, afternoon and bedtime, the afternoon feed I shifted slowly to 4pm then week before I went back to 4.30pm and I collected him from childminder at 4.30pm and we got home at 4.45pm and always had a feed straight away. we did the same on my days off. He had breakfast/lunch and early tea there plus snacks, loved yogurts and actually ate better with less milk.

Once he got to 13mths we cut out the 4.45pm feed. and at 16mths have recently cut out the 7am feed and just do a bedtime one.

He never has once been worried or upset for milk at childminder

He has never drank milk out of a bottle or beaker not for want of me trying but he just wont! Has water in beaker fine.

Ohnanawhatsmynickname · 18/01/2012 23:30

I am a childminder and would say yes Smile

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 18/01/2012 23:24

BartonStacey - I think if you only intend to do it for a few months then even if she's not thaaaaat keen on the idea, it's not for long. Anyway, I'd take her at face value and give it a go, you will soon see if it's not working for the baby, you or the CM wont you. It would be a shame not to give it a go - it could work out well and if it doesn't then you go to plan B - no big deal.

Original poster
BartonStacey · 18/01/2012 23:19

It's not that I don't want to take what my CM says as what she thinks, Polly. I'd love to think she was totally happy with the idea, but she's very polite and it's quite possible that she would say yes while actually thinking it's not a great idea. What else will I do? Plunder the collective wisdom of Mumsnet's childminders of course and see what they would do. After all they've got a lot more experience of looking after other people's children than I have.

Anyway, thanks everyone for the advice. Still not sure what to do, but at least now I know that it can work if CM is behind the idea.

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pollywollyhadadollycalledmolly · 18/01/2012 23:00

I don't really do mindees that need naps (older pre school children) which suits me. But when I've had young mindees previously that have needed naps they either nap at home or in the pram if we are out (big quinny buzz pram)

I don't need to be having a go at, I only asked about expressing lol Yes I do bf and express together.

If you don't want to take what your cm has said as what she thinks then what else will you do? You shouldn't have to feel like you need to give formula if se has said se is happy with you coming round :)

HavePatience · 18/01/2012 15:55

Sorry xpost polly. Expressing is very difficult for some people.

HavePatience · 18/01/2012 15:53

Wow, polly. I'm glad I have my cm!
Have you bf before and expressed milk? I expressed a lot as well as visiting for a feed and it's not that easy. I imagine for someone who struggles to express (taking 1 hour to do it as the op says it takes her) then it would be so daunting to imagine having to do it to provide enough milk for every day... It's also harder to express when under that pressure, IME.

And I just didn't want to give my baby formula or a bottle. Ds used a cup most of the time when expressed milk was absolutely necessary.

Also at op's baby's age, baby will be weaning and off the midday feed soon enough. It's not forever, probably just a few weeks or maybe a couple of months.

Original poster
BartonStacey · 18/01/2012 15:20

polly, just out of interest, what do you do about your mindees' naps when you're out in the middle of the day?

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Original poster
BartonStacey · 18/01/2012 15:17

Polly, I think that expressing is much like breastfeeding in that it's different for everyone and people produce different amounts. It was easier with dd, but with ds I've found expressing very uncomfortable and time consuming (whereas on the other hand dd took ages to breastfeed while ds is very quick).

Yes I could just take her word for it that she doesn't mind, but as others have said, she might feel she has to say yes but would really rather say no. It wouldn't change her routine, but I could potentially be in the way when she's trying to get all the children fed and down for their naps.

Ds getting upset when I leave is certainly something I would worry about. When we have done settling in sessions it hasn't been a problem (in fact cm was really surprised that he was still breastfed as he's so unclingy), but then he will be quite tired at that time of day, and he is used to me being around for his nap.

Anyway, I suppose I should be able to gauge these things fairly early on if we give it a go. Or maybe I should just buy the formula and let him get used to me not being there from the beginning...

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pollywollyhadadollycalledmolly · 18/01/2012 14:57

Bald, no I wouldn't change my routines. Not every parent is suitable for every cm and vice versa. I couldn't commit to bring in every single day smack bang in the middle of it.

Op if she has said that she's in and is happy for you to come round then don't question it. :) lol I would see how things go, you don't want your child getting extreamely upset when you leave (some children are like that) etc just out of curiosity how come it takes you so long to express? I'm about ten minutes to get several ozs.

Original poster
BartonStacey · 18/01/2012 14:37

Thanks ChippingIn (yes I wish I had remembered to include that fact in the OP instead of having to mention it in every subsequent post).

Good point about how long I would be doing it for. Would probably not plan to do it for more than a couple of months.

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ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 18/01/2012 01:00

If she's home at that time every day (which you say, quite clearly, that she is!) then I don't see any problem with it at all. Obviously you would need to be able to be flexible re how long you stay, because if she's settling other children it might not be convenient for you to hand your DS over in the middle of that.

If she's unable to say 'No' to you, but wants to, that's her problem - not yours. Some people need to learn to be more assertive - it's not up to other people to second guess everyone!

If she does want to go out for a full day in the holidays then it's easily sorted with a bottle isn't it :) Expressed or formula. No-one that works with babies will flinch at the sight of a bottle of expressed milk (or if they do, they need to have a good talk with themselves!!)

I'd only do it until DS was a year though, then I'd drop the lunchtime BF - plenty of time, even on a work day, to get enough BM around 'childcare' hours :)

ChildrenAtHeart · 18/01/2012 00:38

and it's potentially for a relatively short period of time as the baby is likely to drop the lunch feed at some point soon after weaning anyway. Surely not a big hassle to change your routine in the circumstances. I think saying 'totally ruin your day' is probably laying it on a bit thick tbh

Original poster
BartonStacey · 18/01/2012 00:17

Am reiterating that as I'm keen to know if the issue of having to be back in the house at 1pm is really the only reason why some CMs wouldn't be keen on this arrangement - as that doesn't apply in our case - or whether you would find it difficult/inconvenient/uncomfortable for any other reason?

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Original poster
BartonStacey · 18/01/2012 00:14

Just to reiterate, I wouldn't be considering this if I didn't know that the CM is back home with the kids for lunch and naps every day from noon until three, with the exception of a very few days in the summer.

(Polly, yes I could of course express at some time other than lunch and store the milk in the freezer, but either way it would still mean finding an extra hour three times a week, so lunchtime of a working day is as good a time as any. But life feels a bit too short for pumping at the moment one way and another.)

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BoysAreLikeDogs · 17/01/2012 23:18

well yes, Polly, we've already said sch hols could be a potential prob

my term time routine supports a lunchtime visit - we usually lunch, at my setting, after morning activities and before the afternoon gets going - would you consider tweaking your routine in a situation like this? Obv theoretical, natch. I'm not sure that your day could be ruined by taking the children you childmind back to your home to have lunch in your home-based childcare setting, mind Confused

pollywollyhadadollycalledmolly · 17/01/2012 23:02

Personally for me it would be a no. It would totally ruin mine and the kids day as we would need to stay in, this would really be a pain in school holidays when we can spend full days out/away all the time.

You don't have to express that day and then bring it to your cm, breast milk keeps for several days in the fridge and a few months in the freezer, sonyou could give her a bottle of fresh milk that you've already expressed when you drop off in the morning or a bag of frozen milk that she could defrost.

Original poster
BartonStacey · 17/01/2012 20:46

Thanks very much: it's very good to hear opinions on all sides.

Joshuassss, yes I am concerned that she might feel as you do but not want to say no, although it sounds like you have quite a different routine to her. If you knew the mum would be coming at a time when you are always home with the kids anyway, would that make any difference to your feelings about it? My CM takes the kids out between 9.30 and 12, but then is always back for lunch and naps and doesn't go out again until 3.

I could express but it takes a lot of time (not to mention being quite uncomfortable), and I can't quite get my head round the idea of spending my entire lunch hour pumping and then taking round the bottle for someone else to spend another 15-20 mins feeding when the baby could do the whole job himself in 10 mins tops. So I think it will be baby or formula.

OP posts:
ElizabethDarcy · 17/01/2012 16:13

Another CM who would say yes.

thebody · 17/01/2012 16:09

another cm saying yes why not, 1pm is for me a quiet time after lunch and nursery school so would suit me but depends on her setting, ask, and best of luck

ChildrenAtHeart · 17/01/2012 10:03

I would be happy to accommodate you. I think I am like many CM's and like yours & go out in the morning, then home for lunch, naps/quiet time etc so you popping in at lunchtime would fit snuggly into our routine. Might be more tricky in school holidays as we do more days out then but for that short time expressing might be an option?

Joshuassss · 17/01/2012 08:09

Hi I would say in my opinion that it would disrupt the day, what if the childminder has other children and they plan to go out, do they all just wait ? what if your child fusses and it takes longer than normal ? I think its fab what your doing but personally i would just exspress and leave the childminder to run her day. I think if i was in her situation and put on the spot with your question i would find it hard to not say to you " ofcourse its fine" but inside i would be thinking hmmmmmm agggghhhh and all that as i would have to plan my day around your visits hope this helps xx

YuleingFanjo · 16/01/2012 23:08

slightly different but I did this when my son first went to nursery - he was also 9 months. I kept it up for about 3 months and it was fine though a bit distressing for me as I had to leave him twice a day rather than just the once. After a while he started napping more regularly and it was usually at lunchtime so I stopped going over. Now I send expressed milk in the morning and he has cow's milk in the afternoon.