Where is the respect for nannies?

And FWIW I have heard these same nannies bitch about their employers, not even realising I know some of the families well. I watched one local nanny run rings round a friend, bad mouthing her and subsequently leaving her in the lurch, and then couple of years later she applied for a job with me, not knowing who I was, and made a great tale up about why she left that I knew for a fact just wasn't true at all.

I think the proper nannies ought to be rounding on these bad apples and limiting the excesses of their bad behaviour.

I am not sure it was fair to aim that at me. I never said nannies weren't as good, I said the emotional manipulation, blackmailing and generally negative behaviour of some members of (mainly) the local nanny clique did the profession damage IMO. And I still think that's fair comment.

can u imagin if an employee was overheard pulling her employers to bits. Thats just plain nasty.

Redglow, I think you've got it right about agencies. The trouble is that they are not what they used to be! once upon a time a good agency would try to match the nanny to the family and would make sure that the employer knew what a nannies duties were and the difference between a nanny and a mothers help. I was even advised by one agency not to take a job because they had a bad reputation as employers. most agencies now tend to send u list of jobs and expect you to do the ground work yourself. There are odd exceptions to this.

I am not a jobsworth and do the odd thing that is not part of my job but many parents don't seem to know the difference between a nanny an au pair or a mothers help (all deserve respect) but the rolls are quite different! I interveiwed for one lady who seemed to think that because her child was under a year I would have nothing to do all day and would do her General housework. I pointed out to her that allthough she had advertised for a nanny a mothers help might be more to her taste.

It's not helped by the fact that there are now people advertising themselves as nannies who when I started working in this field 30 years ago would not even have got a placement as an au pair.

As for OhFractios and her mini seminar on respect, Bored isn't the word I nearly fell asleep. Perhaps she was trying to be clever!

Everyone deserves respect regardless off what their job involves and financial superiority has nothing to do with it.

Boffin/OhFractious I would like to leave you with a quote from Oklahoma "I'm not saying Im any better than anybody else; But I'll be damned If I aint just as good"

I'm glad you describe her as an acquaintance and not a friend! Sounds nasty. The trouble is that bullying attitude backfires as the children always pick up on it and end up conflicted and confused.

Interesting thread. I was out the other evening with a group of acquaintances, one of them has a new au pair and did nothing but pick holes in her, really ripped her to shreds. Personal things like her choice of clothes, the way she dished out corn flakes.
She had nothing nice to say about the girl who she chose to after her 4 young children. We were being positive saying how friendly she was. I found it totally bizarre - the lack of basic respect.

Yes caramel I think it is the tone of some of the posts. Yours was a valid point you pointed out that not all employers are like that. You sound like a lovely nanny.

Fract I must go on this earlier great post for making me go up to bed though. Honestly I think we all know what respect means. I am really surprised you had to google it. You have too much time on your hands.

I need my nanny and childminder without them I would be stuck treat people nicely and you usually get it back. Nannies cannot demand things like some of seem to say. If your toddler demands sweets you say no do the same with your nanny. I interviewed a few nannies one wanted to bring her own washing in to do, she did not demand it she was trying her luck the other seven I saw did not do this. I did not give that nanny the job it was no big deal.

Why did you put all that up about respect.? Rather got of the point, I got bored reading it.

Gah n def 3

Oh what happened there?

Respect v definition 2

Respect v definition 3

With a week behind me the pecking order comment came across wrong and for that I apologise. I didn't mean to say an employer earning more puts them above someone else in the pecking order, I meant that the fact that an employer pays the salary and is therefore really the one calling the shots does. The 'I earn more' part should really have been parenthesised because it was a justification of the 'I pay her salary' (in our house childcare comes from my salary to be economically viable and because I receive the child benefit/state help for childcare so I need to be earning more than I'm paying out). And pecking order is probably the wrong phrase as well but anything else (superior?) carries the wrong connotation too. IME nannies like to hide away from the economics of being afforded (viz. salary demands 25% above what's offered etc) and get shirty when they're not getting paid more as if their employer should be able to afford it.

My central point is there is an economic/legal relationship as well as a human one and that has nothing to do with respect in the sense intended here (IMO). Or maybe it does, respect is such an all encompassing word....

'tr.v. re·spect·ed, re·spect·ing, re·spects

1. To feel or show deferential regard for; esteem.
2. To avoid violation of or interference with: respect the speed limit.
3. To relate or refer to; concern.

1. A feeling of appreciative, often deferential regard; esteem. See Synonyms at regard.
2. The state of being regarded with honor or esteem.
3. Willingness to show consideration or appreciation.
4. respects Polite expressions of consideration or deference: pay one's respects.
5. A particular aspect, feature, or detail: In many respects this is an important decision.
6. Usage Problem Relation; reference. See Usage Note at regard.'

From first hit on google

It's the implication of deference I have issues with here, I think. But I sense that many people are talking in the sense of the tertiary definition of the noun, except for a few who think the primary definition will do nicely.

I respect (%232) the economic/legal relationship.

I have a lot of respect (%233) for my nanny and all nannies.

I don't, I'm afraid, agree with deferential regard and that goes both ways.

A lot of what the OP talks about - paying late, not paying overtime - has bugger all to do with whether you have appreciative regard, a bit to do with consideration but a lot more to do with avoiding interference with their rights. Had it been where is the respect for nannies' rights I might have been a whole lot more sympathetic.

'hoho I distinguish between polite negotiation or requesting a change and dickering'

I think we're in agreement then, as I said before, any negotiation needs to be polite and respectful.

Problem is it can be a fine line. Some people are just less tactful than others, maybe they have English as a second language and are not choosing the best words to express themselves. It is of course unwise to approach an empolyer in an agressive/rude/argumentative way, but I can't agree that ''It's not the place of an employee to dicker and bargain'.

When I first started nannying every job was through an agency where the agency acted as a go between, maybe it worked better. I can see all sides to this thread but the comment that said it puts me higher in the pecking order because I earn more just sounded awful.

There is a lot to be said for approaching a nanny as a partner rather than an employee, tesco's style.

In my case, my employer's passive/aggressive approach resulted in their children having conflicting ideas of me - they liked me and bonded with me but sensed her disatisfaction.

that should have said "high handed with me when I am working for them"

I think it's less a question of role, and more a question of someone's personality, you know. Some people are a bit snotty, some are more down to earth, and that's how it is. I don't get on that well with people who are up themselves, which is probably why I both take exception to nannies ordering me about before I have even hired them, and also if someone is high handed with me they get short shrift. I am sure a lot of people posting on this thread feel exactly the same. Perhaps that is the root of the problem.

Do you mind if I don't go into that online? I will say my current nanny has been with me 2 years.

Boffin you don't have to justify yourself. It does sound like you're doing something right, but it's the superiority thing I have never been able to get my head around. How many nannies have you had out of interest and over how long a time?

I know I am a good employer from the fact that many people who have worked for me stay in touch for ages, tell me they like working for me, are happy to come back and help out if they can, and they buy me cheesy presents with world's best boss plastered all over them. This is reciprocated and I do look after their interests in the long term, and provide support and chocolate cake in equal measure. Even the nutty ones sometimes write to me later on and say they didn't quite get it right at the time. So people have a good billet here.

That's how I see it, Frak. You negotiate a bit, you don't instruct a boss how they will meet your requirements before you've even bothered to send a CV.

Interviewing a couple of more professional types next week who have sent CVs, and current nanny has asked to stay on a bit more, and will be around as an after school nanny, on grounds that we are all not quite ready to leave each other. So I am not quite that bad an employer

hoho I distinguish between polite negotiation or requesting a change and dickering. One is normal and we all do it, the other is rude and entitled. It's the difference between 'well I would like to work a little more flexibly if that's okay so I can go to XYZ on Thursday' and 'I have XYZ on Thursday so I can't work but my friend can cover'.

Blondes I was just about to post asking why you were up at this time, till I saw the comment about jetlag

Lol. No boffy isn't my employer - if you were a regular on these boards you would know that and some of hassles she has had with nannies

we met on mm a few years ago and when going through a nightmare with a nanny - many on here reliesed that boffy is a very down to earth mb who took great pains to bend over backwards to help out her nanny

Let alone the girl from the place we don't mention

It's 3.35am - jetlag is a bugger !!!!